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The Journey: Step 1
You’ll be surprised to hear me say this. The first step is to embrace your fixed
mindset. Let’s face it, we all have some of it. We’re all a mixture of growth and
fixed mindsets and we need to acknowledge that. It’s not a shameful admission.
It’s more like, welcome to the human race. But even though we have to accept
that some fixed mindset dwells within, we do not have to accept how often it
shows up and how much havoc it can wreak when it does.
The Journey: Step 2
The second step is to become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers. When does
your fixed-mindset “persona” come home to roost?
• It could be when you’re thinking about taking on a big, new challenge.
Your fixed-mindset persona might appear and whisper, “Maybe you don’t
have what it takes, and everyone will find out.”
• It could be when you’re struggling with something and you keep hitting
dead ends. Your fixed-mindset persona might fly in and offer its advice:
“Give it up. It’s just making you feel frustrated and ashamed. Do
something easier.”
• How about when you feel like you’ve failed decisively? Lost your job.
Lost a cherished relationship. Messed up in a very big way. It’s a rare
person who doesn’t have a fixed-mindset episode. And we all know very
well what that fixed mindset says to us: “You’re not the person you
thought you were—and you never will be.”
• What about when you encounter someone who’s a lot better than you in the
very area you pride yourself on? What does that fixed-mindset voice say to
you? Does it tell you that you’ll never be as good? Does it make you hate
that person just a little?
• What about our fixed mindset toward others? If we’re educators, what
happens after a high-stakes test? Do we judge who’s smart and who isn’t?
If we’re managers, what happens during and after a big project? Do we
judge our employees’ talent? If we’re parents, do we pressure our kids to
prove they’re smarter than others and make them feel judged based on their
grades and test scores?
Think about it. What’s a recent time you were triggered into a fixed mindset?
What happened to summon your fixed-mindset persona? What did it whisper in
your ear, and how did it make you feel?
When I asked people to tell me when their fixed-mindset persona usually
shows up, here’s what they said:
“When I’m under pressure, my fixed-mindset persona appears. He
fills my head with noise and keeps me from paying attention to the
work I have to do. Then I feel like I can’t accomplish anything.
Feelings of anxiety and sadness also attract him. He attempts to
weaken me when I’m already feeling down. He makes comments
like ‘You don’t have the ability to grasp difficult concepts. You
have reached your limit.’
” (By the way, this was a woman who
thought of her fixed-mindset persona as a male.)
“Whenever I demonstrate my laziness through procrastination,
whenever I have a disagreement with someone, whenever I’m too
shy to talk to anyone at a party, my fixed mindset persona shows
up….He tells me, ‘Your FAILURE doesn’t define you.’ Of course,
he yells the word ‘failure,’ and whispers the rest.”
“Whenever I fail to live up to the image that she—my fixed-
mindset persona—concocted for me, she makes me feel stressed,
defensive, and unmotivated. She doesn’t allow me to take risks that
may affect our reputation as a successful person. She doesn’t let me
speak out for fear of being wrong. She forces me to look like a
person who can understand and do everything effortlessly.”
“When we have a work deadline and my team is under the gun, my
fixed-mindset persona sits in judgment. Instead of empowering my
team, I become a harping perfectionist—no one is doing it right, no
one is working fast enough. Where are all those breakthrough
ideas? We’ll never make it. As a result, I often just take over and do
a lot of the work myself. Needless to say, it doesn’t do wonders for
team morale.” (We will hear more from this team leader and one of
his team members in a moment.)
As you come to understand your triggers and get to know your persona, don’t
judge it. Just observe it.
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