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Play It Again, Sam
“Encore!” is what appreciative audiences chant when they want
another song from the singer, another dance from the dancer,
another poem from the poet, and in my case, another storytelling
from the officers. Encore! is the technique you can use to request
a repeat story from a prospect, potential employer, or valued
acquaintance. While the two of you are chatting with a group of
people, simply turn to him and say, “John, I bet everyone would
love to hear about the time you caught that thirty-pound striped
bass.” Or, “Susan, tell everyone that story you just told me of how
you rescued the kitten from the tree.” He or she will, of course,
demure. Insist! Your conversation partner is secretly loving it. The
subtext of your request is “That story of yours was so terrific, I
want my other friends to hear it.” After all, only crowd pleasers
are asked to do an Encore!
How to Get ’Em Happily Chatting (So You Can Slip Away if You Want To!)
85
Technique #21
Encore!
The sweetest sound a performer can hear welling up
out of the applause is “Encore! Encore! Let’s hear it
again!” The sweetest sound your conversation partner
can hear from your lips when you’re talking with a
group of people is “Tell them about the time you . . .”
Whenever you’re at a meeting or party with
someone important to you, think of some stories he or
she told you. Choose an appropriate one from their
repertoire that the crowd will enjoy. Then shine the
spotlight by requesting a repeat performance.
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The added benefit of this technique is that, once you’ve got
them up and running with their conversation, you can sneak off
and find more interesting company!
One word of warning: make sure the story you request is one
in which the teller shines. No one wants to retell the time they lost
the sale, cracked up the car, or broke up the bar and spent the
night in jail. Make sure your requested Encore! is a positive story
where they come out the big winner, not the buffoon.
The full beauty of this technique will hit you like a happy
thunderbolt the first time you use it with someone who is telling
a long and wearisome tale. You simply tiptoe away and let the bore
spin the story on and on with your friend. (Of course, your friend
may never speak to you again. But that’s not germaine to this
chapter!)
The next technique deals with sharing some positive stories of
your life.
86
How to Talk to Anyone
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Often people think when they meet someone they like, they
should share a secret, reveal an intimacy, or make a confession of
sorts to show they are human too. Airing your youthful battle with
bed-wetting, teeth grinding, or thumb sucking—or your present
struggle with gout or a goiter—supposedly endears you to the
masses.
Well, sometimes it does. One study showed that if someone
is above you in stature, their revealing a foible brings them closer
to you.
12
The holes in the bottom of presidential candidate Adlai
Stevenson’s shoes charmed a nation, as did George H. W. Bush’s
shocking admission that he couldn’t stomach broccoli.
If you’re on sure footing, say a superstar who wants to become
friends with a fan, go ahead and tell your devotees about the time
you were out of work and penniless. But if you’re not a superstar,
better play it safe and keep the skeletons in the closet until later.
People don’t know you well enough to put your foible in context.
Later in a relationship, telling your new friend you’ve been
thrice married, you got caught shoplifting as a teenager, and you
got turned down for a big job may be no big deal. And that may
be the extent of what could be construed as black marks on an
otherwise flawless life of solid relationships, no misdemeanors, and
87
How to Come Across
as a Positive Person
✰
22
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
88
How to Talk to Anyone
an impressive professional record. But very early in a relationship,
the instinctive reaction is “What else is coming? If he shares that
with me so quickly, what else is he hiding? A closetful of ex-
spouses, a criminal record, walls papered with rejection letters?”
Your new acquaintance has no way of knowing your confession
was a generous act, a well-intentioned revelation, on your part.
So far, in this section, you have found assertive methods for
meeting people and mastering small talk. The next is both an
assertive and defensive move to help spare you that pasty smile we
tend to sport when we have no idea what people are talking about.
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