How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life pdfdrive com

Step 4: Ask for the other person’s perspective.
Of course, we know by now
that we never have the whole picture in any situation, thanks to our brain’s
selective attention
. So don’t forget to ask: “How do you see it?” Then pay
attention to the answers, without arguing or trying to inject solutions. In
Simon’s situation, it turned out that his client had no idea that her
encouragement was seen as a rubber stamp. Her goal had been to solicit as
many good proposals as possible. It’s possible Simon was misinterpreting
what she’d said, or maybe she’d genuinely overdone it. Either way, he now
had an understanding of where she was coming from. His ballooning anger
was being nicely deflated.
Step 5: Do some joint problem solving.
The final step is to decide together
how to make things better. If you’re giving feedback to someone junior to
you, it’s easy to make this a moment where you tell him or her how to
improve. Resist that temptation. Ask them for their thoughts first, and then
build on their suggestions. (Remember the importance of autonomy as a
motivator.) In Simon’s case, his client suggested they have a more in-depth

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discussion about the things her company was looking for in a supplier, so that
Simon could better understand their business needs. She was impressed that
he’d raised the issue with her so thoughtfully. And by this point, revenge was
very far from his mind.
HOW TO DEAL WITH UNSPEAKABLY DIFFICULT PEOPLE
We’ve learned that when we encounter bad behavior in another person, it
typically reflects some kind of defensive reaction unfolding in their brain. By
addressing whatever may be posing a threat, we can usually nudge that person
back into the arms of their better angels. But with some particularly challenging
people, it can be difficult to sustain the effort required to unearth their goodness.
(Key words: psychopath, narcissist, serial jerk.) In that case, you might decide to
set a more modest goal: making your interactions manageable rather than
marvelous.
Here’s how to use the principles in the book to do that: