Copyright 2001, Colin C. Tipping

5: Radical Forgiveness Therapy
T
here’s little about Jill’s story that is unusual. The
reality is, it could be anyone’s story. In fact,
since the publication of the first edition of this
book in 1997, many thousands of people have writ-
ten, called or e-mailed me to say that they identify
so much with it that they felt it was their own per-
sonal story. For many of those who have read it, this
compelling story has been the beginning of their heal-
ing, just as it was for Jill.
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Insofar as it is typical of many apparent relationship
problems, this story also provides a good example of
how Radical Forgiveness can be applied to the quite
ordinary problems of every day life and demonstrates
its viability as a radical alternative to traditional coun-
seling and psychotherapy. It became known as Radi-
cal Forgiveness Therapy (RFT).
There is some irony in this since it is a principle of Radi-
cal Forgiveness that, notwithstanding all evidence to
the contrary, nothing wrong is happening and that there
is nothing to change. How can it therefore be therapy?
After all, the main principle underlying Radical Forgive-
ness is that
 
 without exception, everything that hap-
pens to us is Divinely guided, purposeful, and for
our greater good.
But the very notion of therapy implies that something is
amiss and needs to be changed. When we go to a thera-
pist, we expect our therapist to ask himself or herself
these three basic questions.
1. What is wrong with this person or circumstance?
2. What caused him/her to become this way?
3. How can his/her problem be fixed?
Since none of these questions are applicable to Radi-
cal Forgiveness, how can Radical Forgiveness become
a therapeutic modality? The answer lies in the way it
worked for Jill.
You might recall that in the beginning of the story with
Jill, I acted out of an implicit 
agreement
with her that
she really did have a problem, that Jeff was the basic
cause of it, and that the only way to react to it was by
trying to find a solution. For quite some time I went
down this traditional road with her. Only when I thought
the time was right did I suggest a different (Radical For-
giveness) approach.
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At that point, I had to make it very clear to her that I was
shifting the conversation in an entirely different direc-
tion and using an alternate set of assumptions. More