Copyright 2001, Colin C. Tipping

• Bestowing forgiveness or pardoning —
This is
pure self-delusion. We do not possess the power to
bestow forgiveness on anyone. When we bestow for-
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giveness, we 
play God.
Forgiveness is not some-
thing we control — it just happens when we are will-
ing.
• 
Pretending Forgiveness — 
pretending that we are
not angry about something when we actually are an-
gry provides not so much an opportunity to forgive
but an opportunity to deny our anger. This represents
a form of self- invalidation. When we do this, we al-
low others to treat us like the proverbial doormat.
Such behavior usually stems from a fear of not for-
giving, of being abandoned, or from a belief that ex-
pressing anger is unacceptable.
•
 Forgive and Forget —
This simply creates denial.
Forgiveness is never simple erasure. Wise people
forgive but 
do not
forget. They strive to appreciate
the gift inherent in the situation and to remember the
lesson it taught them.
• 
 Making Excuses —
When we forgive, we often do it
with explanations or by making excuses for the per-
son we are forgiving. For example, we might say
about our parents, "My father abused me because
he was abused by his own parents. He was doing
the best he could." 
 
Forgiveness should be about let-
ting go of the past and refusing to be controlled by it.
If an explanation helps one to let go, it might be help-
ful to that extent, though an explanation does not re-
move the idea that something wrong happened.
Therefore, at best, it can only be traditional forgive-
ness. It also possesses a certain right-eousness,
which may mask anger. On the other hand, under-
standing why someone did what they did and having
empathy for them connects us again to our own im-
perfection and opens the door to feeling compassion
and mercy — leading to a higher vibration of tradi-
tional forgiveness but still falling short of Radical For-
giveness.
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