Beflhwh nana, Boraxwh hana

BeflHWH nana, BoraxwH Hana

129

^TO ^a^nocTD H cnnDnoo ^onanno ^to to hmotd—nnoxno ^onoDO^ocKHO KaHOCTBa. “^^flHHO - naoxHO aro,aH”, - roDopHaa mos MaMa. Xots

Dce MH HMOOM BHyTpH co5a 3to CTpoMaeHHO o5aa^aTb xoporaHMH BO^aMH, hobhmh Be^aMH, Be^aMH, npHBo^a^HMH Hac b Bo35y^^eHHe. Hto5h ^ep^aTb orpoMHHe ^eaaHHe ^eTeH hto-to 3aHMeTb no^ KoHTpoaeM, po,aHTeaH H3HcKHBaaH HacTeHbKo choco5h no,aaBaeHHa ototo ^eaaHHa B ^eTax HyBcTBoM BHHH. “Th ^yMaerab ToabKo o ce5e. Th 3a5HH, hto y Te5a ecTb 5paTba h cecTpH?” - ara^Haa roBopHTb MaMa. “Hero-Hero th xoHerab, hto5h a Te5e KyHHH?” - ara^Ha cHparaHBaTb oTep. “Th ^yMaerab, hto y Hac ^oMa ct^hok HeHaTHHH? Th ^yMaerab, hto ^enbTH Ha ^epeBbax pacTyT? Th ^e 3Haerab, hto mh He 5oraHH”.

He cToabKo caoBa, cKoabKo ocTpoe HyBcTBo MoeH bhhh, ckbo3hb- raee b hhx, HpoHHMaao Mena.

Hnor,aa HpHxo,aHaocb BHcayraHBaTb h TaKoe: “^ h3 ko^h boh ae3y, hto5h 3to Te5e KyHHTb. ^ KyHara Te5e 3to HoToMy, hto caM, 5y,ayHH pe5oHKoM, o TaKoM H MeHTaTb He mot”. y Mena ecTb coce^, kotophh coBepraeHHo paaopoH h kotophh ne Mo^eT 3arnaTb MaraHHy b rapa^. Tapa^ 3a5HT HrpyraKaMH ero ^eTeH. 3th HcHopHeHHHe ^eTH HoayHaraT Bce, hto HpocaT. “^ He xoHy, hto5h ^eTH b hom-to Hy^^aaHcb”, - tobo- pHT coce^. Oh HHHero He oTao^Ha ^eTSM na Koaae^^ hhh ce5e na cTa- pocTb, 3aTo ero ^eTH HMeraT ara5yra HrpyraKy, KoTopyra mo^ho KyHHTb b Mara3HHe. He^aBHo coce^ HoayHHa noByra Kpe^HTHyra KaproHKy ho hoht^ H hobo3 cbohx ^eTeH b Hac-Berac. “^ ^eaara oto pa^H ^eTeH”, - cKaaaa coce^ c HHTonapHeH caMoHo^epTBoBaHHa b roaoce.

EoraTHH oTep 3aHpe^aa hpoh3hocht^ caoBa “^ ne Mory ce5e 3to- ro Ho3BoaHTb”. y ce5a ^e ^oMa a caHraaa 3th caoBa hoctoshho. Eora- THH oTep Tpe5oBaa, hto5h ero ^eTH roBopHHH: “KaK a Mory ce5e 3to Ho3BoaHTb?” Oh cHHTaa, hto caoBa “^ He Mory ce5e ototo Ho3BoaHTb” ocTaHaBaHBarar pa5ory Mo3ra. Mo3t HpeKpa^aoT ^yHKpHoHHpoBaTb. 3aTo mo3t HaHHHaeT aKTHBHo pa5oTaTb, HoayHHB cHTHaa “k^k a Mory ce5e 3to Ho3BoaHTb?” BHHy^^eHHHH pa3MHraaaTb, mo3t BKaraHaeTca b hohck oTBeToB Ha bohpoch.

HaH5oaee Ba^no to, hto 5oraTHH oTep cHHTaa caoBa “^ ne Mory ce5e ototo Ho3BoaHTb” ao^bra. H HeaoBeHecKHH ^yx Bcer,aa 3Haa oto. “HeaoBeHecKHH ^yx oHenb-oHenb cHaen” - roBopHa 5oraTHH oTep. “Oh 3HaeT, hto Mo^eT c^eaaTb bco”. BnyTpH Bac HaHHHaeTca nacToa^aa BoHna, ecaH Bara aeHHBHH paayM tobopht: “^ He Mory ce5e ototo Ho3BoaHTb”. Bara ^yx cep^HT, a Bara aeHHBHH pa3yM ^oa^en 3a^H^aTb cbom ao^b. flyx KpHHHT: “flaBaH, raeBeaHcb. H^om b cHopT3aa, HoTpeHHpyeMca”. A aeHHBHH pa3yM tobopht: “Ho a ycTaa. ^ oHeHb mhoto pa5oTaa cero^Ha”. Hhh ^e HeaoBeHecKHH ^yx tobopht: “Mne ocToHepTeao 5HTb 5e^HHM. flaBaH hoH^om, pa35oraTeeM”. Ha hto aeHHBHH pa3yM oTBeHaeT: “EoraTHe ara,aH - ^a^HHe ara,aH. fla h xhohot cKoabKo. 3to ne 5e3oHacno. Mo^ho Bce ^eHbTH HoTepaTb. ^ h 5e3 toto BKaaHBara mhoto. y Mena KyHa ^ea Ha pa5oTe. Hocmotph, hto MHe ny^no c^eaaTb cero^Ha BeHepoM. MoH



130

negxep


Po5epx T. KHOcaKH, 0apoH


ooccxoHe^

CaoBa “^ He Mory ce5e oxoro no3BoaHXb” xaK^e necyx rpycxb, 5ecHOMO^HOCTb, Be^y^yro k yna^Ky ^yxa h ^enpeccHH, nopo^Aarox anaxHro. CaoBa “KaK a Mory ce5e 3to Ho3BoaHTb?” oTKpwBaror ^opory bo3mo^hoctkm, Bo35y^^eHHro h MenTaM. EoraToro oTpa He 5ecHoKoHao, hto xoTea 5h KyHHTb HeaoBeK“ero 5ecHoKoHao, hpoh3hocht hh neaoBeK caoBa Hpo ce5a hhh Bcayx⁷ “KaK a Mory ce5e 3to Ho3BoaHTb?”, caoBa, yKpeHHaro^He pa3yM h ^yx.

EoraTHH oTep pe^Ko ^aBaH MaHKy hhh MHe HTo-HH5y,ab. BMecTo 3Toro oh cHparaHBaa Hac: “KaK bh Mo^eTe ce5e oto Ho3BoaHTb?”, hto BKaraHaao h KoHHe^^, 3a kotophh mh HaaTHHH caMH. Mh xoTeaH, hto- 5h oh He HoTepaa ^eaaHHe yHHTb Hac, KaK ^ocTHraTb peaH.

^ 3Hara, hto cero^Ha ecTb mhhhhohh ara^aeH, kotophx Tep3aeT BHHa 3a cbom ^a^HocTb. 3Ta BHHa ne oTHycKaeT hx c ^eTcTBa. Bhh^ HpocH- HaeTca b HeaoBeKe Tor,aa, Kor,aa y Hero Bo3HHKaeT ^eaaHHe KyHHTb Be^b HoayHrae. B Ho^co3HaHHH HeaoBeKa c ^eTcTBa ^hb^t caoBa: “Th ne Mo^erab 3Toro HMeTb" hhh “Th HHKor,aa ce5e ototo He Ho3BoaHrab”.

Kor,aa a peraHa bhhth h3 “k^hchhhx tohok”, Hepe^o mhoh BcTaa BoHpoc: “KaK a Mory Ho3BoaHTb ce5e HHKor,aa 5oabrae He pa5oTaTb?” MoH pa3yM naHaa BH^aBaTb otb^th h peraeHHa. CaMHM Ta^eaHM ^eaoM 5Haa 5opb5a c po^HTeabcKoH ^otmoH: “Mh ne Mo^eM ce5e ototo Ho3BoaHTb”. Mne HpHraaocb 5opoTbca h c ^pyrHMH caoBaMH, HpH- 3BaHHHMH BHyraaTb BHHy, Ho^aBaara^yra ^a^nocTb, Hcxo^HBraHMH ot mohx po^HTeaeH: “HpeKpaTH ^yMaTb, ToabKo o ce5e. HoHeMy th ne ^yMaerab o5 oKpy^ara^Hx?”

HTaK, KaK ^e 5opoTbca c aenbra? OTBeT - MaaeHbKoH ^a^nocTbra. HeaoBeKy ny^no cecTb h cHpocHTb ce5a: “Hto a HoayHy, cTaB 3^opoBHM, ceKcyaabHHM h HpHBaeKaTeabHHM?” Hhh: “KaKoH cTaneT mok ^H3Hb, ecaH MHe HHKor,aa chob^ He ny^no 5y,aeT pa5oTaTb?” Hhh: “Hto 5h a c^eaaa, ecaH 5h HMea cToabKo ^eHer, cKoabKo xoTea?” ^BH^eHHe BHepe^ H HaHHHaeTca c MaaeHbKoH ^a^nocTH, ^eaaHHa HMeTb h^hto HoayHrae. Hara MHp pa3BHBaeTca HoToMy, hto Bce mh cTpeMHMca k ayHraeH ^h3hh. HoBHe H3o5peTeHHK ^eaaraTca HoToMy, hto mh cTpeMHMca k HeMy-To ayHraeMy. Mh h^cm b raKoay h ycep^Ho yHHMca HoToMy, hto ^eaaeM Hero-To ayHraero. Echh cayHHTca TaK, hto bh cTaneTe H35eraTb ^eaaTb hto-to, 3Haa, hto 3to cae^oBaao 5h ^eaaTb, 3a^aHTe ce5e o^hh BoHpoc: “Hto bh ot 3Toro HoayHHTe?” Ey,abTe neMHo^Ko ^a^HHM. 3to caMoe ayHraee cpe^cTBo ot aeHH.

He Ha^o 5HTb caHraKoM ^a^HHM. Ho homhht^, hto cKa^aa MaHKa flyraac b KapTHHe “yoaa-CTpHT”: “^a^HocTb - oto Hoae^no”. EoraTHH oTep roBopHH o5 otom t^k: “Bhh^ - xy^e ^a^nocTH. TaK KaK BHHa Kpa- flCT AyMy y Teaa”. ^ cHHTara, hto ayHrae Bcex cKa^aaa o tom, KaK 5opoTbca c aeHbra, Oaeonopa Py3BeabT: “fleaaHTe to, hto b ray^HHe cep^pa cHHTaeTe HpaBHabHHM, ho hto 5h bh hh ^eaaaH, Bac Bce paBHo 5y,ayT ocy^^aTb. Bac 5y,ayT HpoKHHHaTb, h ecaH bh hto-to c^eaaeTe, h ecaH bh