All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

Abstain from criticism
Some youngsters may be of a very cultured and refined 
background, but after marriage, especially if they are living 
with his younger brothers or sisters in one house, then when he 
needs to explain something to his wife he does so in a critical 
128
tone, where he reprimands her. If he hears any complaints from 
his elder brothers (regarding their wives) then he offers his 
advice as follows: 
“Look brother, you are not making your wife 
understand”, “How stupid you are”, “You should be more firm 
and then see the results”, “You do not know how to handle a 
wife”,
etc., etc. This brave husband comes across to his own 
wife with firmness and always critical of what she does or says, 
and then he assumes that he is doing the right thing. 
He feels that he is not oppressing his wife or hitting her like 
other men so he is doing a great job. He is convinced that his 
way of explaining to his wife is the right way. He complains 
that notwithstanding all his ‘advices’ to his wife she still does 
not comprehend or change.
Brother, you must understand that reformation cannot be 
achieved by criticism. Criticism, rebuke, censure, etc. achieves 
no purpose except to belittle and degrade the wife. 
This will lead to mutual hatred and constant strife in the home. 
In this way, even a sweet word said in sincerity will be 
misunderstood and taken as bitter. And then to add fuel to the 
fire the husband will bring up old issues and fling it at his wife 
like rocks. And then to top it all, he regards himself of doing a 
fantastic job, and his wife is the one who is at fault. 
We will now list some points with regard to subtle explaining: 
1. 
Regardless of what a major error your wife commits in 
front of you or if your mother, sisters, etc. complain about 
something regarding your wife to you, then you should not 
immediately react or do anything in haste. You should at least 
wait for two Salaat times to pass before you explain to her. 
That is, if something happens at Zuhr time, then only after 
Maghrib should you speak to your wife about it and if it occurs 
at Maghrib time, then do so after Fajr. If you practice on this, 
then Insha-Allaah Ta`ala you will find a major change in the 
home atmosphere. Your statements will carry weight and your 

---

129
wife will develop a respect for you and she will reciprocate 
positively towards your advices. 
2. 
If any family member of your complains about some 
evil perpetrated by your wife, for example that she carries tales, 
then you should not immediately take up cudgels with your 
wife and scold or reprimand her. You should wait for an 
opportune moment to broach the subject. Let us take an 
example from the beautiful example of Nabi (sallallahu alayhi 
wasallam) whenever he was informed about some evil 
perpetrated by some tribe, he would not mention the name of 
the tribe when delivering hi advices. He would say, 
“What is 
the matter with some tribes that they…”
In this way also, we should, when the moment is suitable, say 
to the wife, 
“My dear, are you aware that there are some 
women who like carrying tales and doing so and so. This is an 
extremely evil habit, and the perpetrators of such deeds irk me. 
You should never involve yourself in such deeds…”
3. 
Another method is that say for example someone 
highlighted four complaints regarding your wife, or perhaps 
you have noticed a few such evil traits in her. Now you should 
not immediately explain to her about all four at the same time. 
In fact, you should sit and think about it for a while and maybe, 
if it something you can prevent in a nice way without even 
telling her, then it will be much more suitable. May Allaah 
Ta`ala guide us all to conduct ourselves in a beautiful manner. 
4. 
The fourth point is that whenever you are explaining 
something to your wife, then never bring up old issue and do 
not open old wounds. This is the manner of uncultured women, 
which has now crept up amongst men as well. If anything has 
happened in the past, it is over. There is no need to enliven the 
matter again. Forget about what has been forgotten.
5. 
The fifth point is that you should consider the time and 
place. You should consider the occasion and not broach such 
subjects at inopportune moments where the matter will 
130
intensify and get worse. If you explain to her in privacy, it will 
have a much better effect. If you rebuke her or mention 
something to her at an inopportune moment then, Allaah Ta`ala 
forbid, but the matter could become worse and get out of hand. 
6. 
The sixth point is that you should never explain a fault 
or misdeed of your wife to her in the presence of others. Never 
belittle her in the presence of others. Similarly, even when you 
are explaining something to her in privacy never do so using 
the example of some other woman. 
Remember that such degrading and debasing is oppression and 
highly unbecoming of an honourable Muslim husband. 
Contrary to it having any positive effect on the wife it will only 
lead to more strain on the marriage. 
Together with putting into practice these pointers, we should 
always ask Allaah Ta`ala for forgiveness because we do not 
know when and where we falter. It may be that because of our 
sins our wives are being affected adversely. We should also 
always make dua for our spouses and ask Allaah Ta`ala to keep 
all Muslim couples happy and content.