All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

The fault is yours
Some husbands keep their wives faults in their hearts and never 
utter anything to remedy the situation. They do not advise or 
attempt at reforming their wives. Either they keep everything to 
themselves or they may complain to their parents. This method 
is totally incorrect. 
A question which was sent to the 
Jang
explains in detail a 
man’s predicament where his in-laws and their children had 
insulted and disgraced him. Over the years this torment had 
continued and he had remained silent and tolerated it. His wife 
was aware of it but she obviously did not say or do anything, 
because in her opinion it was not a severe issue. One day he 
barred one of in-laws from coming to his house and this flared 

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wife will develop a respect for you and she will reciprocate 
positively towards your advices. 
2. 
If any family member of your complains about some 
evil perpetrated by your wife, for example that she carries tales, 
then you should not immediately take up cudgels with your 
wife and scold or reprimand her. You should wait for an 
opportune moment to broach the subject. Let us take an 
example from the beautiful example of Nabi (sallallahu alayhi 
wasallam) whenever he was informed about some evil 
perpetrated by some tribe, he would not mention the name of 
the tribe when delivering hi advices. He would say, 
“What is 
the matter with some tribes that they…”
In this way also, we should, when the moment is suitable, say 
to the wife, 
“My dear, are you aware that there are some 
women who like carrying tales and doing so and so. This is an 
extremely evil habit, and the perpetrators of such deeds irk me. 
You should never involve yourself in such deeds…”
3. 
Another method is that say for example someone 
highlighted four complaints regarding your wife, or perhaps 
you have noticed a few such evil traits in her. Now you should 
not immediately explain to her about all four at the same time. 
In fact, you should sit and think about it for a while and maybe, 
if it something you can prevent in a nice way without even 
telling her, then it will be much more suitable. May Allaah 
Ta`ala guide us all to conduct ourselves in a beautiful manner. 
4. 
The fourth point is that whenever you are explaining 
something to your wife, then never bring up old issue and do 
not open old wounds. This is the manner of uncultured women, 
which has now crept up amongst men as well. If anything has 
happened in the past, it is over. There is no need to enliven the 
matter again. Forget about what has been forgotten.
5. 
The fifth point is that you should consider the time and 
place. You should consider the occasion and not broach such 
subjects at inopportune moments where the matter will 
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intensify and get worse. If you explain to her in privacy, it will 
have a much better effect. If you rebuke her or mention 
something to her at an inopportune moment then, Allaah Ta`ala 
forbid, but the matter could become worse and get out of hand. 
6. 
The sixth point is that you should never explain a fault 
or misdeed of your wife to her in the presence of others. Never 
belittle her in the presence of others. Similarly, even when you 
are explaining something to her in privacy never do so using 
the example of some other woman. 
Remember that such degrading and debasing is oppression and 
highly unbecoming of an honourable Muslim husband. 
Contrary to it having any positive effect on the wife it will only 
lead to more strain on the marriage. 
Together with putting into practice these pointers, we should 
always ask Allaah Ta`ala for forgiveness because we do not 
know when and where we falter. It may be that because of our 
sins our wives are being affected adversely. We should also 
always make dua for our spouses and ask Allaah Ta`ala to keep 
all Muslim couples happy and content.