All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

It is a major sin to cause dissention between the husband 
and wife
Question:
How is it to cause (incite) a husband to harbour bad 
thoughts about his wife? 
Answer:
It is stated in a Hadith that the person who causes 
dissention between husband and wife is not amongst us. [Abu 
Dawood, page 296, vol.1] 
It is clear that to cause ill-feelings between spouses is a major 
sin. It is said that the person who perpetrates this heinous act is 
not regarded as a Muslim. In the Qur`aan Majeed it is stated 
that to cause dissention between spouses is the speciality of the 
Jewish sorcerers.
We need not look far. In almost every home there is someone 
or the other who cause problem and create split-ups between 
husband and wife. Intermingling is one of the major causes of 
such problems. 
Request to the groom
Regarding all the advice we had offered in the previous pages 
to the groom’s parents, we make an appeal that the groom 
never ever use this as an excuse to deride his parents, that 
See 
you people had done this!
etc. This should never be the case. 
Respect for parents should always be maintained. Regardless of 
what your parents do, you should never ever e disrespectful to 

---

167
them. The advices in the previous pages are not meant for you, 
but for your parents. You should never use this a leverage to 
deride or chastise your parents, even if they are ‘guilty’ of what 
has been mentioned. If there is a need to rectify a wrong being 
perpetrated by your mother or father then it is best that you ask 
your elder brother or sister to advise them accordingly. If you 
need to advise them about something, then do so with the 
utmost respect and honour. 
Alternatively the best is to do what we had explained in the 
beginning pages of the book. That is, on the first night to advise 
your wife never to complain to you about your mother. If ever 
there is a clash between your wife and mother then you must 
never ever be disrespectful to your mother. In fact, do not even 
tell your mother immediately.
At times like these you will realise the importance of providing 
separate quarters for your wife. 
However, you must keep in mind that although your wife has 
the right to ask for separate quarters it must not turn out that 
this be to your and your children’s detriment. Separate quarters 
must not mean that you forsake your relations with your family. 
If your wife may still not be capable of running a home 
properly and cooking etc. then this will also ultimately lead to 
problems between the two of you, unless you are prepared to 
bear it patiently. 
If you know that your parents are not in desperate need of you 
and that there are still brothers and sisters living with them who 
can attend to their needs if necessary then you may consider 
moving out. You must reflect and consider carefully your 
wife’s reason for wanting separate quarters. 
There are many instances also, where the wife is pleased to 
remain with your parents and your parents also appreciate it, 
because they realise that they now get the chance to enjoy their 
grandchildren. This type of environment is also healthy and 
168
good for your children that they have other family members 
around them. 
It must not be that your wife wants separate so that she can now 
be your ‘boss’ and ruler. Many a times it is such that the wife 
tempts the husband with her family’s affluence and with a job 
and living quarters at or near her parent’s home. This will 
ultimately lead to her ‘wearing the trousers’. 
In essence, although there is overall good and benefit in living 
separately, there are also many latent harms and pitfalls. 
Therefore it is necessary that you as a husband make attempts 
at counselling your wife and advising her regarding living 
amicably with your mother and sisters, it will be of benefit, if 
all co-operate. 
It is important that you as the husband not react immediately to 
your wife’s complaints about your parents, sisters, brothers, 
uncles, etc. If you resolve, after proper thought and 
contemplation that you are going to live separately, then 
remember that these parents are 
your
parents. You must never 
show disrespect to them. When you leave, do so with their 
happiness and duas. You should all leave where you and your 
wife and children take the duas and well-wishes of the 
grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc., etc. In other words do not 
leave in a huff, with everyone upset and angry at you or your 
wife or children. 
You should also make dua to Allaah Ta`ala that He grant you 
the ability to always fulfil their rights and that you always earn 
their pleasure. 
If you are yet unmarried, then make dua that Allaah Ta`ala 
grant you such a good wife where both of you will serve your 
parents and keep them happy. 

---

167
them. The advices in the previous pages are not meant for you, 
but for your parents. You should never use this a leverage to 
deride or chastise your parents, even if they are ‘guilty’ of what 
has been mentioned. If there is a need to rectify a wrong being 
perpetrated by your mother or father then it is best that you ask 
your elder brother or sister to advise them accordingly. If you 
need to advise them about something, then do so with the 
utmost respect and honour. 
Alternatively the best is to do what we had explained in the 
beginning pages of the book. That is, on the first night to advise 
your wife never to complain to you about your mother. If ever 
there is a clash between your wife and mother then you must 
never ever be disrespectful to your mother. In fact, do not even 
tell your mother immediately.
At times like these you will realise the importance of providing 
separate quarters for your wife. 
However, you must keep in mind that although your wife has 
the right to ask for separate quarters it must not turn out that 
this be to your and your children’s detriment. Separate quarters 
must not mean that you forsake your relations with your family. 
If your wife may still not be capable of running a home 
properly and cooking etc. then this will also ultimately lead to 
problems between the two of you, unless you are prepared to 
bear it patiently. 
If you know that your parents are not in desperate need of you 
and that there are still brothers and sisters living with them who 
can attend to their needs if necessary then you may consider 
moving out. You must reflect and consider carefully your 
wife’s reason for wanting separate quarters. 
There are many instances also, where the wife is pleased to 
remain with your parents and your parents also appreciate it, 
because they realise that they now get the chance to enjoy their 
grandchildren. This type of environment is also healthy and 
168
good for your children that they have other family members 
around them. 
It must not be that your wife wants separate so that she can now 
be your ‘boss’ and ruler. Many a times it is such that the wife 
tempts the husband with her family’s affluence and with a job 
and living quarters at or near her parent’s home. This will 
ultimately lead to her ‘wearing the trousers’. 
In essence, although there is overall good and benefit in living 
separately, there are also many latent harms and pitfalls. 
Therefore it is necessary that you as a husband make attempts 
at counselling your wife and advising her regarding living 
amicably with your mother and sisters, it will be of benefit, if 
all co-operate. 
It is important that you as the husband not react immediately to 
your wife’s complaints about your parents, sisters, brothers, 
uncles, etc. If you resolve, after proper thought and 
contemplation that you are going to live separately, then 
remember that these parents are 
your
parents. You must never 
show disrespect to them. When you leave, do so with their 
happiness and duas. You should all leave where you and your 
wife and children take the duas and well-wishes of the 
grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc., etc. In other words do not 
leave in a huff, with everyone upset and angry at you or your 
wife or children. 
You should also make dua to Allaah Ta`ala that He grant you 
the ability to always fulfil their rights and that you always earn 
their pleasure. 
If you are yet unmarried, then make dua that Allaah Ta`ala 
grant you such a good wife where both of you will serve your 
parents and keep them happy. 

---

169
You must also remember at this juncture that if your wife does 
not render any service to your parents, she must never coerce 
you to abandon them also. You are to serve them regardless of 
what your wife says and does. If you wife has to displease your 
parents, then it will not cause them that mush of grief as when 
you have to displease them. 
The Qur`aan Majeed and Hadith are replete with respecting and 
honouring parents. We will mention a few here for the benefit 
of the readers. 
Allaah Ta`ala states in the Qur`aan Majeed,