First impressions: what you don’t know about how others see you what is a first impression

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT HOW OTHERS SEE YOU

WHAT IS A FIRST IMPRESSION

• A first impression is our first and sometimes only opportunity to provide someone with a sense of who we are – a sense that will most often be a lasting one
• What makes a good first impression?

• - A good first impression is the one that reflects the real you.

• - If you are presenting the best of yourself, the self you want to share, then you are making the impression that is right for you.

PURPOSE OF THIS SESSION

• To ensure that the first impression we are giving is the one that we want.
• To do this:
• Some actors to demonstrate no-nos
• OPEN MIND
• First Impressions Self-Assessment Booklet
• Test your “First Impressions” Style

SEVEN FUNDAMENTALS OF FIRST IMPRESSIONS

• Accessibility
• Showing Interest
• Subject Matter
• Self Disclosure
• Conversational Dynamics
• Perspective
• Sex Appeal

ACCESSIBILITY

• Openness is the first part of a first impression
• Smiling
• Making eye-contact
• Orienting yourself toward others
• Making the introduction
• Passive vs. Active
• Tone
• Not setting a positive tone is in essence setting a negative tone
• Primacy Effect

ACCESSIBILITY

• Recognize your Positive Accessibility Behaviours
• Recognize Common Miscommunications you may be exhibiting
• Any interesting revelations?

SHOWING INTEREST

• Interest is a gift you can give someone
• Process: directing your physical energy
• Looking
• Leaning
• Non-verbally responding
• Style: intensity of your curiosity
• How you compliment and show appreciation
• ACTORS – Faux Segue
• ACTORS – That Reminds Me of Me

SHOWING INTEREST

SUBJECT MATTER

• The Usual Order
• Level 1: The Field- Where we are
• Helps others feel relaxed around you
• Level 2: The Facts – What’s Happening
• Safe, little risk of offending anyone
• Level 3: The Fun-Stuff – Ideas and Opinions
• Here you will decide if you like one another
• Topics
• Add topics and variety
• Give conversational partner opportunity to change the subject

SUBJECT MATTER

• Talking At (Duh-duh-duh for EWB)
• Teller and audience
• Style 1: Lecture Circuit
• Data dump
• WARNING: Always a positive experience for the lecturer
• Style 2: Storytelling
• ACTORS - Storytelling
• Style 3: Sermonizing
• Delivered with the intention of convincing
• Instead try and leave an interaction having learnt something from a different perspective
• Style 4: Telling Jokes
• Alienating if others have to assume the role of audience

SELF DISCLOSURE

• Be prepared to answer basic questions – imaginations are unforgiving
• Share to connect
• Sends the message “I trust you,” “I value your opinion”
• ACTORS – Disclosure Agendas
• Passions are Positive, Blunders are Sexy
• Avoid topics that put conversational partner in nurturing role
• Complaints – NO ONE CARES

CONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS

• Energy and ability to synchronize outweigh what you say
• Energy
• How much
• How fast
• How loud
• Synchronize
• Take turns
• Yield the floor
• Mutually satisfying rhythm
• ACTORS – I’m-really-interested-in-you-now-let-me-talk
• ACTORS - Speed

CONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS

• Tips
• When you mimic the movements of your partner it makes the interaction smoother
• Women have a more negative view of interrupters regardless of the sex of the interrupter

PERSPECTIVE

• How you see yourself and the world we live in
• Situations out of your control
• People judge you by the way you react to situations out of your control
• ACTORS – Situations out of your control
• ACTORS – Being combative
• One Up Position
• One Down Position
• Parity Position

PERSPECTIVE

• Your Outlook
• You have the power to bring out the positive or the negative in someone, without the person even knowing it
• When you convey a negative outlook you rob others the opportunity to enjoy the situation
• ACTORS – Pollyanna Perils
• Trait Transfer

SEX APPEAL

• About showing appreciation for others, having confidence in your body and presenting a relaxed style of sexual expression
• The way you feel about yourself impacts how others feel about themselves in your presence

LESSONS FOR EWB

• Demonstrating openness with body language
• Finding commonalities with conversational partner
• Avoid talking at by:
• Allowing partner to change topic

• Sharing your feelings
• “I was apprehensive asking for donations too”
• “I was skeptical at first until…
• Set a positive tone
• Follow ‘usual order’

TWEAKING YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION

• Awareness
• Review your tables
• Identify best and worst assets
• Reflect on secret sensitivities
• Garner feedback from trusted source
• Changing
• DISCOMFORT IS PART OF THE PROCESS
• Psych yourself up
• Choose 1 behaviour
• Focus on reactions not behaviour
• Let go of “first nature”
• Start Now
• Make a goal
• Reassess with tables
• Garner feedback

• “Personal development means learning different ways of being based on informed choices, not just reactions to situations”