The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE: YOUR SOCIAL NETWORK
Not every willpower challenge is the result of a social “infection,” but with most challenges,
there is a social influence. For your own willpower challenge, consider:
• Do others in your social network share your willpower challenge?
• Looking back, did you pick up the habit from a friend or family member?
• Are there certain people you’re more likely to indulge with?
• Have other people in your network recently attempted to improve on this willpower
challenge too?

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THE SOCIAL SELF
When it comes to self-control, we’ve seen that the human mind is not one unified self, but multiple
selves who compete for control. There’s the self who wants immediate gratification and the self who
remembers your bigger goals. There’s your present self, who may or may not seem to have much in
common with your future self. As if that weren’t a crowded enough crew, it turns out that you have a
few other people living in your head too. I’m not talking about multiple personality disorder—I’m
talking about your parents, your spouse, your children, your friends, your boss, and anyone else who
is a part of your everyday world.
Humans are hardwired to connect with others, and our brains have adapted a nifty way to make
sure we do. We have specialized brain cells—called mirror neurons—whose sole purpose is to keep
track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. These mirror neurons are sprinkled
throughout the brain to help us understand the full range of other people’s experiences.
For example, imagine that you and I are in the kitchen, and you see me reach my right hand for a
knife. Your brain will automatically begin to encode this movement. The mirror neurons that
correspond to movement and sensation in 
your
right hand will be activated. In this way, your brain
begins to craft an inner representation of what I’m doing. The mirror neurons re-create the movement
like a detective might reenact a crime scene, trying to understand what happened and why. This
allows you to guess why I’m reaching for the knife, and what might happen next. Am I going to attack
you? Or is my intended victim the carrot cake on the counter?
Let’s say I accidentally slice my right thumb as I grab the knife. Ouch! As you see this happen,
mirror neurons in the pain regions of your brain will respond. You’ll wince and know immediately
what I’m feeling. The experience of pain is so real to the brain that the nerves in your spinal cord will
even attempt to suppress incoming pain signals from your own right hand—just as if you had actually
cut your hand! This is the empathy instinct that helps us understand and respond to other people’s
feelings.
After I bandage my thumb and serve myself a slice of cake, the mirror neurons in the reward system
of your brain will be activated. Even if you don’t like carrot cake yourself, if you know that it’s my
favorite (true), your brain will start anticipating a reward. When our mirror neurons encode the
promise of reward in others, we long for a treat ourselves.

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