The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

Negotiating An Early “No”
Many parents get caught in the negotiation trap.
Some types of negotiation are fair and worth
considering. For example, a child might ask, “If I finish my
chores, complete my homework, and take the dog for a
walk, can I spend the night at Sarah’s?” This negotiating
tactic shows the child understands the positive effect of
meeting her responsibilities.
Other types of negotiation are unfair and should
immediately be dismissed. For example, this same child
might say, “If you don’t let me spend the night at Sarah’s,
I’m not going to do my chores.” This is nothing more than a
threat.
If you’re receptive to negotiation, it’s important that you
only entertain positive arrangements. For example, agreeing
to let your child stay at a friend’s house overnight if she

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completes her chores and homework, and meets her other
obligations is a positive approach. It encourages integrity
and good character, and at the same time discourages
impulsiveness.
On the other hand, surrendering to your child’s threat of
poor behavior undermines your parental authority. That
promises to make saying no increasingly problematic down
the road.
Bottom line: saying no to your kids is a matter of setting
expectations and standing your ground. Once your kids
realize that “no” really means “no,” you’ll face less
manipulative behavior.

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HOW TO SAY NO TO YOUR
FRIENDS
F
riends do favors for each other. In fact, they expect favors
from each other. That’s the reason it’s difficult to turn down
friends’ requests. Doing so can lead to more than just
disappointment. It can literally cause a friendship to fall
apart.
Again, it’s mostly a matter of expectations. If a friend
expects you to say yes, hearing you say no will likely be
confusing and vexing.
In some cases, the expectation may be so deeply rooted
in your friend’s mind that your circumstances won’t matter.
Your friend will focus almost entirely on your refusal to help.
Here’s how such a conversation might play out: