The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

Part IV: How To Say No In Any Situation, we’ll take a
closer look at specific scenarios involving the various people
in your life. We’ll discuss how to say no to your family,
friends, neighbors, bosses, and more, and inspire their
respect in the process.

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PART IV
BONUS SECTION
HOW TO SAY NO IN ANY SITUATION
The ability to say no with respect and finesse is one of the
most important and rewarding skills you can develop. But
it’s sometimes difficult to say no to certain people in our
lives.
You may have no trouble declining requests from your
coworkers, but immediately give in when approached by
members of your family.
You might be able to say no to your neighbors without
the tiniest twinge of guilt, but find it incredibly difficult to
rebuff your friends.
Or perhaps its your clients you’re inclined to
accommodate against your better judgement. Maybe it’s
your boss. Or maybe it’s random strangers you feel
compelled to help.
This section will cover these and other interactions, and
teach you how to say no when doing so is in your best
interests.

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HOW TO SAY NO TO YOUR
EXTENDED FAMILY
E
xtended family members can be tough negotiators. When
they want something from you (your time, labor, money,
etc.), they’re often willing to go to great lengths to get you
to surrender. I’ll bet you can think of at least one relative
who’s irritatingly persistent and not above using emotional
manipulation and bullying to achieve his or her ends.
Saying no to extended family can be uncomfortable.
They have higher expectations of you than your coworkers,
friends, and neighbors. They expect you to drop what you’re
doing to help them.
This expectation stems from years of training.
Think of a cousin, aunt or uncle, or grandparent who
refuses to take no for an answer. She persists when you turn
her down. She reacts with anger. She makes you feel guilty
for her predicament.
Can you picture this individual? Now, consider whether
you’ve ever given in to her (or him). Have you ever initially
said no to her, but ultimately capitulated in frustration? Do
you regularly do so when she requests something of you?
If so, you’ve trained this family member to wear you
down. She knows you’ll eventually say yes if she’s
persistent. She knows you’ll give in if she can make you feel
badly about turning her down.

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The solution is to set new expectations. You must
establish boundaries that are respected by your relatives.
One method is to create rules regarding what you’re
willing to help with and what you’re not willing to help with.
For example, does your cousin regularly ask you to run
errands for him? If so, create a “no errands” rule. Does your
uncle frequently ask you to help him fix his vehicle? If so,
create a “no auto repair” rule.
Another tactic is to create rules concerning when you’ll
help. For example, decree that you’ll be available to help
your relatives on Saturday afternoons. The rest of the week
is reserved for you, your spouse, and children.
You can also force persistent and manipulative relatives
to leave messages. For example, when they call you for
help, let their calls roll to voicemail. When they email you,
let some time pass before you reply. When they text you,
resist the temptation to respond immediately.
This tactic discourages urgent requests. For example, if
your cousin knows that it takes you a few days to return his
calls or emails, he’ll be less likely to approach you with
requests that demand immediate action.
These measures are designed to reset your extended
family’s expectations of you. Your relatives might be
offended in the beginning. They may even show signs of
hostility. But with time and consistency, they’ll learn that
you’re not the pushover they’ve come to expect.

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