The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

STRATEGY #10: DESCRIBE YOUR
LACK OF BANDWIDTH
T
his is one of my favorite ways to say no. It leaves the
requestor with no room to pressure me into accommodating
his or her request.
Here’s how it works:
Suppose your to-do list is filled with tasks and projects
that’ll take up most of your day. You know this ahead of time
because you’re adept at estimating the amount of time
you’ll need to complete various tasks.
Now, suppose your friend asks you to help him move.
You suspect the move will take at least three hours. There’s
no way you can fit the job in given your to-do list. You must
turn down your friend’s request.
One way to do that is to simply say “I don’t have
enough time to help you move.” But that’s likely to prompt
your friend to try to negotiate: “C’mon, it’ll only take an
hour. You can spare an hour, can’t you?”
You might rightfully respond, “An hour?! It’ll take at
least three hours.”
At that point, your friend might counter, “Tell you what.
Help me for the first hour and then you can leave.”
And on and on it goes, back and forth.
You can short circuit this process by describing your day
to your friend and explaining why you don’t have enough
time to help. For example, you might say:

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I’d be glad to help on any other
day. But today’s bad for me.
Check out my schedule. I have
two big projects due at 5:00
p.m. Each one will take me two
hours to finish. I also have three
meetings today, each of which
will last at least 45 minutes, and
probably longer. And I have a
conference call this afternoon,
which will last 30 minutes. And
at some point, I need to return
several calls, respond to a bunch
of emails, and fit in lunch
somewhere. I literally don’t have
time to help you move today.”
For this approach to be effective and guilt-free, you
actually need to have a busy day ahead of you. In other
words, don’t just make things up to appear busy.
By describing your lack of bandwidth in detail, you’re
letting the requestor know that you have other
responsibilities. Abandoning these responsibilities isn’t an
option for you. Meanwhile, the requestor doesn’t feel as if
you’re rejecting him or her. On the contrary, it becomes
clear that you sincerely are unavailable to lend a hand.
Few requestors will try to negotiate with you or compel
you to help once they understand what’s on your plate.

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