The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

STRATEGY #9: SUGGEST
ANOTHER PERSON WHO'S
BETTER QUALIFIED
Y
ou’ll sometimes receive requests that are better handled
by other people. Declining these requests is good for all
parties. You’re able to save time, and can focus on your own
projects and interests; the requestor receives the
specialized help he or she needs; and the person to whom
you refer the requestor will have an opportunity to show his
or her proficiency.
There are many reasons to refer requestors to other
people. For example, you might do so because you know
someone who has more experience than you in the matter.
Suppose your friend Joan, a novelist, asks you to critique
her latest manuscript. Doing a full critique takes more than
just time; it requires paying close attention to pacing,
dialogue, point-of-view consistency, and other story
elements. This is an opportunity to refer Joan to someone
who’s more qualified. For instance, you might tell her:
Joan, 
because 
I’ve 
never
critiqued a manuscript, I’d
rather not critique yours. It’s not
an area of strength for me. But
my friend Susan does this sort

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of thing for fun. I’ll bet she’d be
happy to help.”
Notice that you’re not simply saying no and leaving Joan
hanging. Although you’re turning down her request, you’re
helping her by referring her to a qualified, and potentially
valuable, resource.
Here’s another example: suppose you’re a manager and
your coworker Stephen asks you to review his financial
analysis on a particular project. You’re not an expert on the
subject. But lucky for Stephen, you know someone who is.
You might respond as follows:
I don’t want to take this on
because I have a poor grasp of
the financial side of things. But
Toby in accounting is a crack
shot with this stuff. Ask him to
look over your analysis. Tell him
I sent you.”
Again, you’re not leaving Stephen hanging without
options. You’re pointing him toward someone who’s better
able to help him. And you’re smoothing the introduction by
telling him to mention your name to Toby.
Sometimes, it makes sense to refer the requestor to
someone else who’s working on a similar project or has
similar interests.
For example, suppose your cousin - let’s call him
Franklin - asks you to go golfing with him. You have no
interest in golf, and therefore want to decline the invitation.
But rather than leave your cousin hanging, you mention
your mutual friend Tom, who loves to golf. You might say the
following to Franklin:

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I don’t enjoy golf, so I’m going
to pass. But you remember Tom,
right? He loves to golf. If he’s
free, I’m sure he’d jump at the
chance to hit the links with
you.”
By referring the requestor to someone else - notably,
someone who’s better qualified than you or shares an
interest with the requestor - you’re helping even though
you’re declining his or her request. It’s a great way to say no
without feeling guilty. And by pointing the requestor to a
more suitable partner or resource, you’re doing him or her a
favor.

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