The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

STRATEGY #4: RESIST THE URGE
TO OFFER EXCUSES
I
understand the temptation.
Someone asks you for help. You can’t spare the time, so
you must turn down the request. But you don’t want the
individual to think you’re blowing him or her off, so you
scramble to come up with excuses. For example…
“I can’t take you to the airport because my car’s in the
shop.”
“I can’t help you move tomorrow because I threw out
my back.”
“I can’t contribute funds for Tom’s retirement party
because I don’t have any cash on me.”
“I can’t babysit your kids because I have to stay late at
the office.”
“I can’t help you build your deck today because I
promised my kids I’d take them to the movies.”
You get the point.
The excuses are an attempt to deceive the person
asking you for help. For example, your car is fine, your back
is healthy, you have cash in your wallet or purse, you’re
planning to leave the office at 5:00 p.m., and your kids
haven’t a clue you’re taking them to the movies.

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In other words, you made up the excuses to justify
turning down the requests.
There are two problems with this approach. First, you’re
likely to feel guilty for misleading the requestor. Worse, the
requestor will probably be able to recognize your deception.
Remember, as I noted in Strategy #2: Don’t Stall For Time,
none of us are as discreet as we imagine. The result is that
we risk earning a reputation for being untrustworthy.
Second, it opens the door to negotiations, which require
time and effort. For example, suppose your neighbor asks
you to help him build his deck this afternoon. You decline
the request, explaining that you promised to take your kids
to the movies. He responds by saying, “That’s fine. Can you
help me tomorrow?”
Now what will you do? One option is to come up with yet
another excuse (e.g. “I can’t help because I have to take my
wife to the doctor.”). But that’ll make you appear
disingenuous.
You’ve essentially painted yourself into a corner.
The better approach is to turn down the request with a
simple no, and resist the temptation to say more. This
needn’t come across as rude or mean. On the contrary, as
long as you’re civil, being direct shows respect.
As a bonus, doing this consistently increases your self-
confidence. That’ll make it easier for you to gracefully
decline requests in the future.

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