Simon’s ielts writing task 2

 
Wednesday, October 03, 2012 
IELTS Writing Task 2: correct the mistakes 
Several people tried writing about the 
music topic
in last week's lesson. Try to correct the mistakes 
that they made in the sentences below. I'll share my full essay next week. 
1. We have different types of music all over the world, we need music for various reasons. 
2. The first I think we need music almost for enjoyment. 
3. People listening to a variety of music is due to a number of reasons. 
4. It is clear cut evidence why we need for music. 
5. Traditional music of a country has more weight that the famous international music. 
6. At a glance, we need music for enjoyment. 
7. The people is more happier listening all kind the rhythms and sounds than without it. 
8. It helps to make relaxed from any sort of strain. 
9. If the international music would replace it then the whole historical experience of a country will die. 
Posted by 
Simon
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IELTS Writing Task 2
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Comments (23)
 
FROM SIMON:
First, a summary of the main problems in each sentence: 
1. Bad use of comma connecting 2 sentences. 
2. Problems with 'the first' and 'almost'. 
3. 'People listening' is not a good sentence subject. 
4. Problems with 'it is clear cut' and 'need for'. 
5. It is strange to say that music has 'more weight'. 
6. Strange use of 'at a glance'. 
7. Several small mistakes. See correction below. 
8. We don't say 'relaxed from strain'. We also need to know WHO is relaxed. 
9. Problem with conditionals 'would' and 'will'. 
Posted by: Simon | 
Thursday, October 04, 2012 at 15:05
 
FROM SIMON (continued):
Now here are my corrected sentences. Remember that there are several possible ways to correct 
each one. Check the changes carefully. 
1. There are different types of music around the world, AND we need music for various reasons. 
2. The first reason (I think) we need music is for enjoyment. 
3. People listen to a variety of music for a number of reasons. 
4. There is clear evidence of our need for music. OR: It is clear that we need music. 

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Compiled by Diyorbek Hayitmurodov ielts-simon.com Page 62 
5. The traditional music of a country is more important than famous international music. 
6. Firstly, we need music for enjoyment. 
7. People are happier when they are listening to rhythms and sounds. OR: People are happier with 
music than without it. 
8. Music can reduce stress and help us to relax. 
9. If international music replaced traditional music, then the cultural identity of a country would die. 
OR: If international music replaces traditional music, then the cultural identity of a country will die.