Simon’s ielts writing task 2

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Simon
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Wednesday, August 14, 2013 
IELTS Writing: rewrite and improve! 
Last week I showed you an essay that I had written with my students. I later noticed that the third 
paragraph didn't fully answer the question. 
If you make a mistake like this, or any other type of mistake (grammar, vocabulary etc.), you need to 
rewrite and improve what you wrote. 
Task:
Try to rewrite the third paragraph (beginning "On the other hand") in 
this essay
. Make sure you write 
more than I did about 'alternative sources of money for artists'. I'll choose my favourite paragraph for 
next week's lesson. 
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Compiled by Diyorbek Hayitmurodov ielts-simon.com Page 80 
Wednesday, August 21, 2013 
IELTS Writing Task 2: band 9 paragraph 
Last week I asked you to try rewriting the third paragraph in 
this essay
. The paragraph below is an 
edited compilation of students' ideas. I think it's good enough for a band 9. 
On the other hand, I can understand the view taken by many people that artists should not expect the 
state to fund their work. Most musicians and the majority of painters make a living by performing or 
selling their artistic creations to fans or collectors; they would not expect to receive any help from their 
governments. Industry sponsorships can be another useful source of revenue for creative artists. For 
example, media companies like the mobile giant Apple are often willing to pay huge fees to 
inspirational designers who work on their advertising campaigns, product packaging, and even the 
appearance of their electronic devices. Finally, some artists may be lucky enough to receive 
donations from wealthy individuals.