Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   9

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S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
Newton’s ideas were, well, a little off . Pretty soon the classical 
was replaced with the quantum. Quantum mechanics, inci-
dentally, raises all kinds of interesting questions about . . .
05
Time Travel
Isaac Newton postulated that time was a constant everywhere 
and that, in essence, there was a clock somewhere by which 
everything was set. When Ein-
stein published his theories of 
relativity, Newton’s seemingly 
obvious arguments turned out 
to be entirely false. However, 
upon contradicting Sir Isaac 
Newton, Einstein wrote a very 
nice letter to the long-dead 
knighted nerd, which began, 
“Newton, forgive me.”
✖  ✖  ✖
Th
 e worst thing about time 
travel is that it’s so easy to do. 
You can move forward in time 
at the rate of one minute per 
minute for an infi nite number 
of minutes. Th
 e real trick is 
traveling at a rate of two min-
utes per minute. Or, if we’re 
interested in mounting a Ty-
rannosaur head on the wall of 
our study, we can get really 
How to Build a 
Time Machine in 
Two Easy Steps
Step 1. Acquire an infi nitely 
long, indestructible, and ex-
tremely dense cylinder. Okay, 
maybe the steps aren’t so easy 
after all.
Step 2: Figure out a way to 
get your cylinder to spin amaz-
ingly fast. According to the 
 theory of special relativity, a 
spaceship spiraling around the 
spinning cylinder could move 
forward  or  backward  in  time. 
Of course, the spaceship could 
not go back in time past the mo-
ment  when  the  cylinder  was 
built. Before that time, there no 
longer would be a time machine 
to carry the ship backward.

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227
nutty and try to fi gure  out 
how to go backward. Fast-for-
warding through time, at 
least according to quantum 
mechanics,  is  entirely  possi-
ble. All one need do is tool 
around the universe near the 
speed  of  light.  Time  would 
seem to pass normally for 
you, but to an outside ob-
server you would seem to age 
extremely slowly.