Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   6

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162
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
sure of having its population 
decimated by Stalin’s disas-
trous economic policies), Stalin 
was christened with the dis-
tinctly un-Russian last name 
Dzhugashvili. (“Stalin” was a 
nickname derived from the 
Russian word for steel.) In fact, 
throughout his life, Stalin 
spoke with a thick Georgian 
accent. Mentioning his accent, 
however, was verboten in gov-
ernment circles.
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Also, you were well advised 
not to ridicule that famous 
Stalin ’stache. In a poem in-
tended only for friends, Osip Mandelstam compared Stalin’s 
mustache to a cockroach. Th
  ereafter, Mandelstam was re-
peatedly arrested and sent to a series of those infamous gu-
lags.
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In August 1941, Stalin announced that the government would 
arrest  the  families  of  all  captured  Russian  offi
  cers  because 
only “malicious traitors” would get captured by the Germans 
anyway. But then Yakov got captured, putting Stalin in the 
awkward position of technically being required to arrest him-
self. (Instead, he arrested Yakov’s wife.) When the Germans 
off ered a prisoner exchange, Stalin told them, “I have no son 
Yakov,” which Yakov no doubt wished was true. Shortly there-
after, Yakov was shot and killed while running for the prison 
fence.
World’s Worst Dad
Nikita Khrushchev wrote that 
Stalin loved his daughter, Svet-
lana, like a cat loves a mouse. 
And Stalin’s other two kids 
didn’t even fare 
that
 well. He 
mostly ignored his son Vasily, 
an alcoholic with a sadistic 
streak. Stalin’s other boy, Ya-
kov, was driven to shoot him-
self by his father’s relentless 
cruelty. When he learned that 
Yakov had only been wound-
ed, Stalin said, “Ha! He can’t 
even shoot straight.”

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163
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Stalin once famously said, “One death is a tragedy; a million 
deaths is a statistic.” Well, then, the statistics are staggering: 
Some historians believe that between the murder, the state-
sanctioned famine, and the concentration camps, Stalin was 
responsible for 40 million deaths. Forty million people is, ap-
proximately, the population of Spain. Almost every war had a 
smaller death toll than that—even really, really long ones, 
like . . .