"Welcome back," he said, "I knew you'd make it."
Two weeks later I am able to leave the hospital, though I am only half a man now.
If I were a Cadillac, I would drive in circles, one wheel turning, for the right
side of my body is weaker than the left. This, they tell me, is good news, for the
paralysis could have been total. Sometimes, it seems, I am surrounded by optimists.
The bad news is that my hands prevent me from using either cane or wheelchair, so
I must now march to my own unique cadence to keep upright. Not left‐right‐left as
was common in my youth, or even the shuffle‐shuffle of late, but rather slow‐
shuffle, slide‐the‐right, slow‐shuffle.
I am an epic adventure now when I travel the halls. It is slow going even for me,
this coming from a man who could barely outpace a turtle two weeks ago.
It is late when I return, and when I reach my room, I know I will not sleep. I breathe
deeply and smell the springtime fragrances that filter through my room. The
window has been left open, and there is a slight chill in the air. I find that I am
invigorated by the change in temperature. Evelyn, one of the many nurses here who
is one‐third my age, helps me to the chair that sits by the window and begins to
close it. I stop her, and though her eyebrows rise, she accepts my decision. I hear a
drawer open, and a moment later a sweater is draped over my shoulders. She
adjusts it as if I were a child, and when she is finished, she puts her hand on my
shoulder and pats it gently. She says nothing as she does this, and by her silence I
know that she is staring out the window. She does not move for a long time, and I
wonder what she is thinking, but I do not ask. Eventually I hear her sigh.
She turns to leave, and as she does, she stops, leans forward, and then kisses me on
the cheek, tenderly, the way my granddaughter does. I am surprised by this, and she
says quietly, "It's good to have you back. Allie's missed you and so have the rest of
us. We were all praying for you because it's just not the same around here when
you're gone." She smiles at me and touches my face before she leaves.
I say nothing. Later I hear her walk by again, pushing a cart, talking to another
nurse,their voices hushed. The stars are out tonight, and the world is glowing an
eerie blue. The crickets are singing, and their sound drowns out everything else. As I
sit, I wonder if anyone outside can see me, this prisoner of flesh. I search the trees,
the courtyard, the benches near the geese, looking for signs of life, but there is
nothing. Even the creek is still. In the darkness it looks like empty space, and I find
that I'm drawn to its mystery. I watch for hours, and as I do, I see the reflection of
clouds as they begin to bounce off the water. A storm is coming, and in time the sky
will turn silver, like dusk again.
Lightning cuts the wild sky, and I feel my mind drift back. Who are we, Allie and
I? Are we ancient ivy on a cypress tree, tendrils and branches intertwined so closely
that we would both die if we were forced apart? I don't know. Another bolt and the
table beside me is lit enough to see a picture of Allie, the best one I have. I had
it framed years ago in the hope that the glass would make it last forever. I reach
for it and hold it inches from my face. I stare at it for a long time, I can't help
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |