She went on:
"But yes, Noah, I think we would have. At least, I'd like to think we would have."
He nodded, looked down, then turned away. "What's Lon like?"
She hesitated, not expecting the question. Bringing up Lon's name brought slight
feelings of guilt to the surface, and for a moment she didn't know how to answer.
She reached for her cup, took another sip of tea, and listened as a woodpecker
tapped in the distance. She spoke quietly.
"Lon's handsome, charming, and successful, and most of my friends are insanely
jealous. They think he's perfect, and in a lot of ways he is. He's kind to me, he makes
me laugh, and I know he loves me in his own way." She paused for a moment,
collecting her thoughts.
"But there's always going to be something missing in our relationship."
She surprised herself with her answer but knew it was true nonetheless. And she
also knew by looking at him that Noah had suspected the
answer in advance.
"Why?"
She smiled weakly and shrugged as she answered. Her voice was barely above a
whisper.
"I guess I still look for the kind of love we had that summer."
Noah thought about what she had said for a long while, thinking about the
relationships he'd had since he'd last seen her.
"How about you?" she asked. "Did you ever think about us?"
"All the time. I still do."
"Are you seeing anyone?"
"No," he answered, shaking his head.
Both of them seemed to think about that, trying but finding it impossible to
displace from their minds. Noah finished his beer, surprised that he had emptied it
so quickly.
"I'm going to go start the water. Can I get you anything?"
She shook her head, and Noah went to the kitchen and put the crabs in the steamer
and the bread in the oven. He found some flour and cornstarch for the vegetables,
coated them, and put some grease into the frying pan. After turning the heat on
low, he set a timer and pulled another beer from the icebox before heading back to
the porch. And while he was doing those things, he thought about Allie and the love
that was missing from both their lives.
Allie, too, was thinking. About Noah, about herself, about a lot of things. For a
moment she wished she weren't engaged but then quickly cursed herself. It wasn't
Noah she loved; she loved what they once had been. Besides, it was normal to feel
this way. Her first real love, the only man she'd ever been with‐‐how could she
expect to forget him?
Yet was it normal for her insides to twitch whenever he came near? Was it normal
to confess things she could never tell anyone else? Was it normal to come here three
weeks from her wedding day?
"No, it's not," she finally whispered to herself as she looked to the evening sky.
"There's nothing normal about any of this."
Noah came out at that moment and she smiled at him, glad he'd come back so she
didn't have to think about it anymore. "It's going to take a few minutes," he said as
he sat back down.
"That's fine. I'm not that hungry yet."
He looked at her then, and she saw the softness in his eyes.
"I'm glad you came, Allie," he said.
"Me too. I almost didn't, though."
"Why did you come?"
I was compelled, she wanted to say, but didn't.
"Just to see you, to find out what you've been up to. To see how you are."
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