Condition #1.
He books in advance.
The message? Your time and attention are valuable.
If you treat yourself as a valuable commodity, he will naturally put
more stock in you. For example, he calls and says, “When can I see
you?” Don’t say, “I’m wide open around the clock. Pick a time.
Anytime!”
He suggests Friday. “Okay!” He suggests Tuesday.
“Okay!” He suggests three weeks from next Sunday. “Okay!”
Instead, politely tell him you have two nights that are good for
you. Then let him choose one. He’ll probably choose both.
Here’s a similar circumstance. A doctor I know started a private
practice. He didn’t want his receptionist to say, “Sure, we have tons
of openings. Drop in any time.” Instead, he instructed her to say,
“We can get you in at 2:15 or at 4:15. Which would work for you?”
Most people would tend to value an appointment more with a
doctor who appears to be fairly busy
but is willing to
accommodate them
than with one who is always open like an
allnight convenience store.
Condition #2.
Don’t see him when you are “running on empty.”
The message? He does not come before basic necessities (i.e.,
rest).
He says he’d like to see you at 9:00
P.M.
, and you don’t want to
be out too late? Tell him, “I’d prefer to get together earlier.” If he
can’t because he is working late, make no issue of it. Simply
suggest getting together another night.
Condition #3.
If you aren’t having fun or he isn’t good company,
end the date immediately, and give a
superficial explanation as to why.
The message? You have a standard of how you expect to be
treated.
For example, you are on a first date. He gets drunk and behaves
badly. For starters, never get into a car with someone who is
drinking. Always keep a credit card in your back pocket or a $20
bill in your bra. Tell him you are going home early. Excuse yourself,
go to the little girl’s room, and call a cab.
Another friend named Kelly snagged a guy whom a lot of women
wanted by setting the tone from the very beginning. She did so
simply by being reticent. The man was extremely successful, very
attractive, and charismatic. He first saw Kelly when he was eating
his lunch at a cafeteria where she often eats. He had that confident
vibe and was used to women hitting on him.
Kelly was the exception to the rule. He was trying to get her
attention while she remained absolutely riveted by her BLT
sandwich. She knew that he was watching her, but she pretended
not to notice. He came back Tuesday. And Wednesday. And
Thursday. When he finally asked her out, she paused before she
answered, “I don’t know you, so I can’t look at you in a romantic
way. We could start as friends and see where it leads.”
Here’s a guy who was used to women clamoring to be with him,
but with Kelly, he was presented with a challenge to pursue a
woman who let him know she won’t be so easily won over. In this
way, she
held her own.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #13
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