Why Men Love Bitches

Whether you have terms and conditions
indicates whether you have options.
Almost immediately, you present yourself
as a doormat or a dreamgirl.
“Terms and conditions” are a novel idea for the woman who is
too nice. (And you shouldn’t leave home without them.) Don’t get
me wrong: Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. Just be sure to
give it 
after
your conditions have been met.
The Mamal Ho Complex
In the field of psychoanalysis, there’s a male hang-up called the
Madonna/Whore Syndrome. Let’s forget all the fancy
psychobabble and refer to the informal Mama/Ho version to better
understand our male counterparts.
The Mama/Ho theory holds that a man will either see you as his
“mama” or his “ho.” The word 
ho
is a derivative of the word
whore.
It is not a garden tool. A ho is any woman he is having sex
with, any woman he wants to have sex with, or any woman he has
had sex with.
The antonym for ho is mama. A man will feel affectionate toward
a woman who is really sweet and nice, much like the affection he
has for his mother. Because she doesn’t present a challenge and

---

she’s always there, he begins to take her for granted. This is when
you hear men say, “She’s really nice, but there just wasn’t any
chemistry.” Therefore:
SAFE + BORING + MAMA = 
NO SPARK
&
UNPREDICTABLE + NOT MONOTONOUS + HO =
FIREWORKS
Even though a man is turned on by the independent woman he
can’t have, he’ll still try to get you to be like his mama. He’ll want
you to cook, clean, and do his laundry.
One woman I know nipped the issue of laundry in the very
beginning. Early in her marriage, she threw a red sweat-shirt in with
all of her husband’s white cotton underwear. Then she turned the
water on hot to seal the deal. The only underwear he had left was
the pair he was wearing. No self-respecting, heterosexual male
would ever be caught dead 
wearing pink
underwear. On seeing
the ruined garments, her husband threatened her with the very
words she wanted to hear, “You will never, ever, ever do my
laundry again!”
What a nice girl should know is that even if you make every
effort to be an exemplary housekeeper, he’ll still want a ho behind
closed doors. The two are related. Why? Constant mothering will
eventually turn a man off. Yes, they say that every man is looking
for his mother. This is a nice theory, but it doesn’t mean you should
run out and do his laundry or treat him as though you are his
keeper. There are four things that make a man feel suffocated or
mothered, that often turn him off, and that make him distance
himself from you like a rebellious teenager. These are the major
Mommy no-no’s:
Do not appear to check up on him or ask him to check in with

---

you.
Do not expect him (without asking first) to spend all his free
time with you.
Do not ask him to account for the time that he isn’t with you.
Do not be overly doting, leaving him no room to come your
way.
Never give the appearance that you are closing in on him. For
example, suppose he gets off the phone with his long-lost Auntie
Mae. If you immediately start questioning him or you jump down his
throat and demand to know who was on the phone, it has the same
effect as throwing on an apron and assuming the role of mama. Like
a teenager, he’ll rebel.
There are many things women inadvertently say that sound very
motherly: “Get some rest,” “Don’t stay out late,” “Call me when you
get in,” or “Eat something before you go out.” You will make him
feel 
emasculated.
It’s no different than telling a two-year-old,
“After naptime we’ll have a little cookie.”
Asking a man to explain himself or check in with you is
mothering. Maybe he ran a half-hour late coming home. Perhaps he
was having a friend help him fix his lawnmower, or maybe he was
having a beer under the hood of his friend’s car. The very second
he thinks he has to explain himself to you, he’ll feel as though he is
losing his freedom. Then he’ll make up a story to conceal something
that didn’t need to be concealed, just to protect his “territory” or his
“turf.” And he’ll feel cornered.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #14