A step by step tool for top achievers

Self-esteem :
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Builds strong conviction.
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Creates willingness to accept responsibility.
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Builds optimistic attitudes.
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Leads to better relationships and fulfilling lives.
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Makes a person more sensitive to others' needs and develop a caring attitude.
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Makes a person self-motivated and ambitious.
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Makes a person open to new opportunities and challenges.
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Improves performance and increases risk-taking ability.
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Helps a person give and receive both criticism and compliments tactfully and easily.
How do we recognize poor self-esteem? What are the behavior patterns of a person with
poor self-esteem? The following is a brief list, which is not all inclusive but is indicative.
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They are generally gossip mongers.
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They have a critical nature. They criticize as if there is a contest going on and they
have to  win a prize.
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They have high egos they are arrogant and believe they know it all.
      People with low self-esteem are generally difficult to work with and for. They tear
down
      others to get a feeling of superiority.
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They are closed minded and self-centered.
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They constantly make excuses--always justifying failures.
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They never accept responsibility--always blaming others.
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They have a fatalistic attitude no initiative and always waiting for things to happen.
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They are jealous by nature.
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They are unwilling to accept positive criticism. They become defensive.
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They are bored and uncomfortable when alone.
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Poor self-esteem leads to breakdown in decency. People with low self-esteem don't
know where to draw the line--where decency stops and vulgarity starts. It is not
unusual for people to tell jokes at social get-togethers but with every drink, the jokes
get dirtier and dirtier.
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They don't have genuine friends because they are not genuine themselves.
I
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They make promises they know they are not going to keep. A person with low self-
esteem would promise the moon to make a sale. Unkept promises lead to loss of
credibility. A person with high self esteem would prefer loss of business than loss of
credibility because they realize that one cannot put a price on one's credibility.
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Their behavior is senseless and erratic. They swing from one end of the pendulum to
another. They may be all sugar and honey today but the same people may be out to
cut your throat tomorrow. They lack balance.
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They alienate people and tend to be lonely.
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They are touchy in nature--this is called the fragile ego. Anytime something is said, a
person with a fragile ego takes it personally and gets hurt. It leads to dejection.

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What is the difference between being touchy and being sensitive? Touchiness is the
cactus approach; you touch me and I will hurt you. Being sensitive is the positive
approach, the caring approach. Many times the two are used interchangeably. People
say be careful when talking

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to so and so, he or she is very sensitive. What they are really saying is that the person is
touchy, so be careful.
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They have negative expectations of themselves and others and are seldom
disappointed.
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They lack confidence.
1. They constantly seek approval and validation from others. Seeking approval is
different from seeking a second opinion, which really means consultation.
2. Bragging about themselves is also a sign of lack of confidence.
3. Submissive or timid behavior. These are people who constantly apologize for their
existence. They are always putting themselves down, which is different from being
humble. Humility comes from confidence whereas putting yourself down comes from
lack of it.
     A person who lacks confidence cannot be an effective leader. Others sense this lack
of confidence, which results in a lack of respect.
4. Lack of assertiveness. People with low self esteem are not willing to stand up for their
belief. On the other hand, being unduly aggressive is also a sign of poor self-esteem.
Being aggressive in situations that require compassion does not amount to
assertiveness.
5. A lack of confidence results in conformist behavior. If everybody is doing it, then so
should I. Every day we see people giving in to peer pressure, knowing full well what
they are doing could be detrimental yet they do it to be accepted. People with low self-
esteem go along to get along. They are looking for outside validation because they
lack confidence in themselves.
6. Keeping up with the Joneses--pretense
     When people try to keep up with the Joneses, they spend money they haven't earned,
they buy things they don't need, and they try to impress people they don't like.
7. Nonconformist or attention-seeking behavior.
    In order to gain attention, people with poor self esteem might do senseless things just
to stand out and be noticed. They get a kick and a sense of importance from
perversion. Some people choose to do wrong and be wrong just to be deferent and
gain attention. Examples are people who brag excessively, the classroom clown, etc.
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They are indecisive and do not accept responsibility. Lack of courage and fear of
criticism lead to indecisive behavior.
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They rebel against authority. I make a distinction between rebelling out of the courage
of one's convictions and rebelling because of poor self esteem. All the great world
leaders, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, were
rebels. They rebel against authority out of the courage of their convictions; a person
with low self-esteem rebels against authority just because it is authority, even when
the authority is right.
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They are anti-social and may be withdrawn.
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They lack a sense of direction and have an "I don't care" attitude which is reflected in
their behavior. They have a hard time giving or receiving compliments. In giving, they
feel they might be misconstrued and in receiving they feel they are undeserving.
Feeling unworthy is not humility.
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Too much emphasis on material things

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People with poor self-esteem judge a person's worth by his possessions, not by who he
is. They constantly look at what kind of car you are driving, what kind of home you live in,
what kind of clothes and jewelry you wear. They forget that people make things, and not
vice versa. People with poor self esteem place more emphasis on net worth than self
worth. Their lives revolve around ads and fads. Designer labels are their status symbols.
Take away their things and they will die of shame. They get into a rat race. "The problem
with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat."*
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Lack of pride in themselves--they are shabbily dressed and uncouth.
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They are takers, not givers.
Low self-esteem could lead to extremes of behavior. A person with high self-esteem
could choose identical behavior for different reasons: He may be alone because he
prefers solitude, whereas a person with low self-esteem prefers to be alone because he
is uncomfortable in groups.