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the heart of „intimate‟ behaviour, they place negative politeness at the heart of external
„respect‟ behaviour. Brown and Levinson (1987: 129-130) claim that „when we think of
Western cultures, it is negative politeness that springs to mind…it is the stuff that fills
the etiquette books.‟
Brown and Levinson claim that our choice of politeness strategy, or lack thereof, is
decided by a number of social variables. The first of these is the perceived social
distance between the speaker and hearer. Social distance is dependent on socio-cultural
factors such as age, gender, role, education, class, ethnicity etc., all of which contribute
towards establishing a degree of familiarity between speaker and hearer. The higher the
familiarity, the lower the level of politeness strategies used. The second contextual
feature, power difference, is similarly dependent on socio-cultural features and these
determine who has the dominant role in the conversation; the less dominant the role, the
higher the level of politeness strategies such as negative politeness. The final feature
cultural ranking, dependent on a culture-bound evaluation of polite language use, is
calculated according to how threatening a particular speech act is perceived to be within
a specific culture. Once a decision has been made about these variables, the appropriate
linguistic strategy is selected by the speaker.
2.1.2 Pragmatic socialisation
in the family
The family has proven to be fertile ground for pragmatic socialisation research.
According to De Geer (2004: 1706), pragmatic socialisation is „a term used to describe
parents‟ specific focus on language and its use in different settings.‟ Becker (1990: 10)
maintains that not only must children acquire a repertoire of behaviours (some of which,
like greetings, take a variety of quite different forms), but they must learn the
circumstances in which these behaviours are expected, appropriate or effective. A
linguistic tool employed by parents in the course of this process is what is often referred
to as a „metapragmatic comment‟ (see Becker, 1988 and 1990; Blum-Kulka, 1990 and
1997a). Meta-pragmatic comments are comments made „to sanction a perceived lack of
politeness, to encourage „proper‟ behaviour and to prompt the use of politeness
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formulae‟ (Blum-Kulka, 1990: 278). In a cross cultural analysis of the family discourse
of three cultural groups, Jewish-American, native Israeli and Israeli-American, Blum-
Kulka (1997a) studied the phenomenon of politeness from the perspective of the parent
in relation to the language of parental social control acts at the dinner table. According
to Blum-Kulka, control acts „encompass a large class of verbal moves aimed at affecting
the behaviour of others (e.g. offers, requests and orders)‟ (p. 142). Therefore, these acts
are, by nature, face threatening and directed in the main at the children present. She
found that in all three cultures, the parents showed a preference for a direct mode of
performing the control acts, a mode far in excess of the general directness norms that
prevail in adult speech in the respective cultures. Blum-Kulka (1997a) illustrated that
the parents‟ control acts were very direct, however, she also demonstrated that these
control acts are rich in mitigation such as the adult‟s use of terms of endearment and
nicknames.
Similarly, de Geer
et al
. (2002) point to mitigation through the use of endearments,
justifications, politeness words and tone of voice. Blum-Kulka (1990, 1997a) claims that
this apparent paradox of
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