he did.
As I started to read more I began to learn
about world and American
history: the 1791 slave rebellion in Haiti led by Toussaint Louverture, the
coal miners’ strikes and labor and union movements across the United States,
President Andrew Jackson’s massacre of Native Americans while they were
being removed from their ancestral lands. I did a lot of soul-searching while
reading. The words of the Vietnamese revolutionary communist leader Ho
Chi Minh resonated with me when I read that he told the invading French
army something like, “We
are willing to die ten to one, are you?” That got
me at my core, that willingness to sacrifice.
When I read George Jackson’s
Soledad Brother
, I saw how even though
he was fucked around by the system he never used that as an excuse not to
step up. I was on D tier when I read that book in my cell. “The nature of life,”
he wrote, “struggle, permanent revolution; that is the situation we were born
into. There are other peoples on this earth. In denying their existence and
turning inward in our misery and accepting any form of racism we are taking
on the characteristic of our enemy. We are resigning ourselves to defeat. . . .
History sweeps on, we must not let it escape our influence
this time
!!!!”
Malcolm X taught me how to think of the big picture, to connect the dots.
I requested biographies and autobiographies of women and men even if I
didn’t agree with their politics or principles. Studying them helped me
develop my own values and my own code of conduct.
King was also a big
reader; we read a lot of the same books and discussed them. He also loved
fiction and literature and read Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and all J. R. R.
Tolkien’s books many times over. We both read everything written by Louis
L’Amour. I loved philosophy, geography, economics, biology, and other
sciences. I could always find something valuable in whatever I read. I even
appreciated books by religious writers like Mother Teresa, though I was not
religious.
She wrote that to be real, a sacrifice must hurt, and empty us. I
could relate to that. She wrote that more than our own weaknesses, we must
believe in love.
My proudest achievement in all my years in solitary was teaching a man how
to read. His name was Charles. We called him Goldy because his mouth was
full of gold teeth. He was a few cells down from me on D tier. I could tell he
couldn’t read but was trying to hide it. I knew the signs because my mom did
the same things to hide the fact she couldn’t read. One day I told him about
my mom, about her accomplishments. I told him she couldn’t read or write
and asked him if he could. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” I said. He
told me he never learned to read because he didn’t go to school. “When I was
coming up we didn’t have nothing,” he said. “We had to go and get it.”
“If you want to learn,” I told him, “I
can teach you, but it won’t work
unless you really want to learn.” He told me he wanted to learn. We used a
dictionary. I stood in front of his cell on my hour out and he came to my cell
on his hour and we would go through how to read words using the sound key
at the bottom of every page. The upside-down
e
, I told him, sounds like “eh,”
and I went through all those symbols and sounds with him on each word. In
between our two hours a day I told him to call me if he needed help.
“Anytime you can’t get a word, holler, Goldy, no matter what time. Day or
night if you have a question, just ask me.” In the following months he took
me up on that.
“Fox!” he’d yell, at all hours of the night.
“What?” I answered.
“I can’t say this one,” he yelled.
“Spell it out,” I called back to him.
He called out the letters.
“Look at the key at the bottom of the page,” I yelled back. “What do you
think it is?” And we went back and forth like that until he got it. Sometime
later I’d hear, “Hey, Fox!”
“Yeah, Goldy. What?” I’d say.
“What’s this one?” he’d say.
The first time I heard Goldy read a sentence out of a book I told him how
proud I was of all he’d learned. He thanked me and I told him to thank
himself. “Ninety-nine percent of your success was because you really wanted
to read,” I said. Within a year he was reading at a high school level.
The world was now open to him.