In memory of Nicole Lewanski

Honeybee
. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“I wish I could have read it.”
“Do you know the Chinese have a tradition of burning fake money because
they believe it goes to their dead relatives in the spirit world?”
“It’s a nice idea.”
“Well, that was going through my mind when the manuscript was burning.
Maybe in some other alternate universe, there are people reading my book. Who
knows?”
“Maybe.”
“I think writing is over for me,” said Rad. “I’ve sat for ages with a pen in my
hand, and nothing comes out. So I end up doing Sudoku puzzles.”
“It’s probably just writer’s block.”
“Or some karmic force that is punishing me for destroying my own book.”
I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “I don’t think it works like that.”
He stopped and turned to face me. “It’s weird, isn’t it? The coincidences, I
mean. It’s almost like everything is decided for you, like it’s already been
written.”
“Yeah, you know me. I have an existential crisis every five minutes.”
He smiled at me. “I love that I can talk to you about all this stuff. Most people
wouldn’t get it.”
“You can talk to me about anything.”
“I know.”
I followed his gaze upward, and we thought our individual thoughts, sending
them out into the universe like parallel lines. At that moment, I felt a sense of
something that was bigger than us, an inexplicable force that willfully drew Rad
and me to this convergence, to this particular alignment with the stars. We were
always meant for each other. This was something I knew right down to the
depths of my soul. “You know,” said Rad, his face turning toward me, “Maud
was right about something.”
“What was that?”
“She said you would find me again.”
T
HE
NEXT
DAY
, I was awakened by a sharp knock on my door. I got up and
pulled on my robe. “Who is it?” I called.
“It’s me!” announced Lucy.
“Lucy!” I opened the door and grinned widely at her. “What are you doing

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here?”
“Surprise!” she said, throwing her arms around me as I squeezed her tightly.
“Why didn’t you call to let me know you were coming?” I was suddenly
aware of how messy my room was, and I began picking up bits and pieces from
the floor.
“Relax, Audrey.” She came inside and shut the door behind her. “I used to
live with you, remember?”
“I know,” I said, tossing a pile of clothes into the bathroom. “How did you get
here?”
“Borrowed Mum’s car,” she said, walking over to the window. “Wow, you’ve
got a great view.”
“It’s really pretty here.”
She turned to face me. “You look great. How’s everything? Is Rad doing
okay?”
“He’s doing a lot better. He’s even writing again.”
“Oh, if I’d known, I would have brought up his laptop.”
“Never mind. He tends to stick to pen and paper, so we get by sharing mine
for now.”
She sighed. “I’m glad he’s getting back on his feet again.”
“Do you want a coffee?” The motel room had a small Nespresso machine, and
I popped in a capsule.
“Sure.” Lucy sat down on my bed. I made us both a coffee and sat down next
to her. “Do you think you’ll get back together with him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s up to him.”
“So you don’t think you’re going back to Delta?”
I shook my head. “Rosie said Gabe has left, so there’s no real point in going
back. It wouldn’t be the same without him.”
“Are you guys still in touch?”
“No. He said he didn’t want to do the friend thing.”
There was a short pause.
“He was pretty special to you, wasn’t he?” she asked, even though she already
knew the answer.
“More than he’ll ever know.”
L
UCY
AND
I had lunch together later that day. There was a little fish and chips
place by the local wharf, and we sat at one of the tables watching ships sway in

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the docks and throwing bits of our chips at the seagulls. “Look how crazy they
are,” said Lucy, as the squawking birds clawed and pecked each other for the
scraps of food.
“This reminds me of that lolly scramble you had at your tenth birthday.
Remember? Your mum was throwing bags of lollies onto the lawn, and the kids
went nuts, pushing and shoving each other to get at the loot.”
“Someone grabbed my hair and wrestled me to the ground—all for a Sherbie,”
said Lucy.
We laughed.
“Time is going by so quickly, isn’t it?” she said, gazing out at the ocean.
“Yeah. The last year has gone by in a flash.”
“Now Candela’s married, and you’re off doing amazing things. Sometimes I
feel like I’m the only one who is standing still.” She twisted a lock of hair around
her forefinger.
“Lucy.” I put my arm around her shoulders. “There’s plenty of time left to do
anything you want to do.”
“I suppose.”
“Plus, you have Freddy. He’s a real sweetheart.”
“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “But he was my first real boyfriend. I don’t have
anyone else to compare him with. What if he isn’t the love of my life and I’m
just sticking with him because I’ve never known anything else?”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. More than anything else in the whole world.”
“It’s a beautiful thing, Lucy, to love someone and have them love you back.
Everything pales in comparison.”
She smiled at me. “Audrey, why don’t you tell Rad how you feel? What have
you got to lose?”
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore?”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said, without hesitation. “I do.”
“Well,” she said, tossing another handful of scraps at the overzealous seagulls,
“don’t you think he has a right to know?”
L
ATER
THAT
NIGHT
, I tossed and turned in bed, going over my conversation with
Lucy. With a sigh, I got up and pulled on my jeans. Minutes later I was knocking
on Rad’s door. He opened it almost right away, and his alert face told me he

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couldn’t sleep either. “Hey,” he said, opening the door wider, to let me in.
We sat side by side, our legs hanging off the side of his bed. There was a copy
of