How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life pdfdrive com

Play back what they’ve said.
Where possible, repeat what you think they’re
asking or saying, and check “did I get that right?” It makes them feel heard,
which can calm them. And playing back their unvarnished words can
occasionally highlight their unreasonableness.
Talk about observable actions, not their attitude.
You can have factual
conversations about actions—for example, about whether something was
done or not done, by whom, at what time. They can deny they have a bad
attitude. It’s harder to deny the facts of what’s happened.
Be crystal clear in your communication.
Remember you each have
different cognitive filters. What you say may not be what they hear. So: use
simple language, clearly define what success looks like, and set obvious
deadlines. Make sure it’s captured in writing if possible.
Focus on solutions.
You can help both of you stay in discovery mode if you
focus as much as possible on the ideal outcome of whatever you’re working
on. This might require you to let go of points of debate or annoyance, in order
to focus on the prize that matters most.

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Show appreciation.
If you can stomach it, feed their psychological need for
recognition. Find something specific that you can tell them you appreciate
about them.
And to help you be your best self through these interactions:
Get some distance.
The activation of our own brain’s defensive system drops
when we adopt a distanced perspective on the situation (see 
Chapter 17
for
more on this). So, imagine what you’d say if you were giving advice to
someone else dealing with this person. Think about what will make you look
back in the future and say “I rose above it and handled it pretty well.”
Concoct a story to explain their behavior.
A disastrous childhood? A
marital drama? Maybe, maybe not. But just considering the possibility that
they’re a victim of circumstance can help to reduce the sense of threat they’re
presenting to your brain.