What people say about you says more about them than about you
When others judge you, they reveal themselves. They show their insecurities,
needs, mindset, attitude, history and limitations. And they paint a clear picture of
their future: they won’t go very far, or live a joyful life, if they’re wasting their
precious time judging others.
Trying to please everyone
If you keep trying to satisfy others, you
will never keep up. In the end, you will
satisfy neither them nor yourself.
Hopefully, it’s clear to you now that we do a lot of things in order to be
accepted, but if we want to do well in life and maintain our peace, we have to be
a little selfish. We’ll never be able to satisfy absolutely everyone, and that’s
exactly why we shouldn’t even try. Give up the habit of being a people-pleaser
and start pleasing
you
!
As someone who likes helping others with their personal problems, I’ve found it
difficult to stop trying to make everyone happy. In the past, I’d receive hundreds
of emails a week from people telling me their problems and asking for help.
Naturally, I’d want to assist them.
Some people write very lengthy emails, upwards of 2000 words. I don’t believe
in doing things half-heartedly, so my response would always be thorough. By the
time I’d read and replied to an email this long, I’d have used up a great deal of
time.
Responding to everyone was virtually impossible and some people became irate
because they felt I was ignoring them. It made me feel terrible and I began to
punish myself for it. Although I had other more pressing tasks to complete, I
devoted an unreasonable amount of time to replying to these emails.
I became overwhelmed. I realized I couldn’t please everyone, so I shouldn’t
attempt to, nor should I be too hard on myself. It was important to prioritize my
needs and this is exactly what I did. I’ve never looked back.
I’m sure you can relate in some way to my experience of being raised in a very
judgemental community. As a child, certain career choices were sold to me as
reflecting well within the community. If I became a doctor, I’d be considered
intelligent, rich and philanthropic.
Yet my community would still judge me if I became a doctor. For example, if I
remained single until I was 30 years old because I was working all the time, then
it would indicate something was wrong with me. If I didn’t have my own house,
I’d be deemed to be experiencing financial hardship. If I became a doctor and
had everything apart from a child, they’d assume I was having fertility problems.
That’s how these communities work. Someone will always see a flaw in you.
Sometimes, I’m accused of being arrogant or stubborn for not giving much
thought to the opinions of others. It’s an extension of a judgemental ethos that
leads people to this conclusion.
Constructive opinions can be very beneficial to our growth, but destructive ones
that demoralize us don’t have a positive purpose. Abuse and criticism disguised
as ‘feedback’ doesn’t deserve your attention.
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |