Frequently asked questions

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q.1. Is there any harm in delaying the marriage?

It is harmful for both men and women. Without doubt, marriage is Sunnat but it becomes Wajib if there is a chance of committing a sin. The following are examples of some scenarios and possible solutions:

If the delay is due to perplexity in selecting the spouse –

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  Remember that just like anything else, married life also has its physical and spiritual dimensions. Allah (swt) not only guaranteed relief from financial worries but also took care of the spiritual dimension by promising in the Qur’an (30:21) that He (swt) will develop love, compassion and mutual respect of each other after marriage. Thus Nikah is the catalyst in bringing about happiness in married life. That may be why, Rasool ‘Allah (sa) declared that whoever refuses to follow his (sa) sunnat of “Nikah” has nothing to do with him (sa).
  
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  For spouse selection, Islam not only permits but also encourages that prospective couples talk with each other and become familiar with their rights and responsibilities and “dos and don’ts”, preferably under the guidance of a religious scholar. In dating and similar situations, on the other hand, a man because of his natural inclination towards sexuality and a woman because of her thirst for love, become victims of tunnel vision and end up marrying without realizing the difference between infatuation and love. The high rate of divorce in Western World is indicative of the fact that current expectations of “love” and “compatibility” before marriage may be unrealistic. Love and compatibility develop as a process and require the effort of the husband and wife in particular, and their parents and siblings in general, because unlike Western Society, in Islam the concept of “family” is not limited to husband, wife and children only but includes parents also. Of course, Allah (swt) makes the sincere efforts fruitful.
  

If the delay is due to financial difficulties or a perception of it –

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  Allah (swt) ordered us not to postpone the marriage because of the worry of financial difficulties. Allah (swt) promised that after marriage He would lift this burden.
  
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  A practical solution is to place a higher priority on the continued education of the Bride and Groom after marriage, if they feel their educations may be lacking. This can be done by toning down some of the ethnic wedding customs such as, high Maher amount, dowry to groom and expensive parties in fabulous hotels instead of in Islamic Centers.
  

Q.2 What are the criteria for spouse selection?

Before starting the spouse selection process it is important to develop awareness of the rights and responsibilities and differences between the parties. According to Islam, men and women are equal in front of Allah (swt) but their status depends on their piety within the roles assigned to them.

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  The essential criterion for a man is to see whether his would-be wife has the potential/capability to train children effectively. Women being given this role and responsibility are exempted by Allah (swt) from the burden of working to earn the living. Therefore, a woman’s concern would be to see, how responsible, committed and capable the man is in meeting his married life responsibilities.
  
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  Hence, the major selection criteria for both should be the knowledge and love of Islam with intelligence and commitment to meet the needs and if possible “wants” of worldly life.
  

Some of the “don’ts” of spouse-selection process are as follows:

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  Do not marry a polytheist (mushrik) and infidel (kafir). It is prohibited (haram).
  
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  Do not delay marriage without a valid reason.
  
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  Do not marry someone whose beliefs and deeds can drive you and/or your childrenaway from the true Islamic teachings. {Islam explained by Ahlul Bayt (sa)}.
  
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  Do not marry someone solely for physical qualities that were not acquired by his/her abilityand effort and are temporary in nature. However, these qualities, such as, color of skin, height, age-gap etc are personal preferences.
  

Q.3. Is an “arranged marriage” not a way to deprive freedom of the would-be married couple?

Islam takes a balanced approach by giving the right of final say, to the would-be couple. However, it encourages involvement of the parents in making an “arranged Introduction” because of their experience, their knowledge about their children’s strengths and weakness and their love and deep concern for their children’s happiness in their married lives. The parents’ responsibility is to guide their children at an early age and try to prevent them making a bad choice. A father’s consent, based on valid Islamically sound reasons, not on his ego, is a must for his daughter who is getting married for the first time. This ruling safeguards a young girl from making a wrong decision because of her lack of experience in dealing with men.
Q.4. What advice should a newly wed couple expect from their parents?

Some of typical advice is as follows:

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  For the bridegroom: Your wife has left her family for you. Let you and all of your family and community make her feel at home by your love and affection.
  
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  For the bride: Your permanent home is your husbands’ home. Make it heaven, with love, hard work and patience.
  

Q.5 What are some of the proactive measures that can be taken to avoid unpleasant situation?

For married couples, there are overwhelming reasons to remain happily married. However, no two persons can think alike; therefore, differences of opinion are bound to arise. The following are some of the ways to handle these kinds of issues:

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  Consider including a prenuptial agreement at the time of Nikah
  
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  Remember that there are only two prominent languages in the world; one is of men and the other is of women. Time and willingness to compromise breaks through this language barrier.
  
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  Apply the formulae V (We)= I + I where both “I”s should BEND a little; abandon their egos and work together to extinguish the fire before it engulfs them and their loved ones.
  

May Allah (swt) with the Vaseela of Ahlul Bayt (sa) give us Tawfeeq to please them by living a happy married life.

HOLY QUR’AN

ABOUT MARRIED LIFE

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  "And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect”
  

(Al-Qur’an 30:21).

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  Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard”
  

(Al-Qur’an 4:34)

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  “They (husband & wife) are your garments and ye are their garments”
  

(Al-Qur’an Part of 2:187)

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  “Glory to God, Who created in pairs all things that the earth produces, as well as their own (human) kind and (other) things of which they have no knowledge”
  

(Al-Qur’an 36:36)

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  “ (He is) the Creator of the heavens and the earth: He has made for you pairs from among yourselves, and pairs among cattle: by this means does He multiply you: there is nothing whatever like unto Him, and He is the One that hears and sees (all things).
  

To Him belong the keys of the heavens and the earth: He enlarges and restricts, the Sustenance to whom He will: for He knows full well all things”

(Al-Qur’an 42:11 & 12)


AHL UL BAYT (sa)

ABOUT MARRIED LIFE

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  “The Prophet (SA) stated: 'There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage'."
  
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  "The Prophet (SA) stated: 'Whoever gets married, has safeguarded half of his religion'.
  
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  "Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'Engage in marriage; because this is the tradition of the Prophet (SA) of Allah."
  
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  "Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Two Rak'ats (units) of a married person's Salat (prayer) are better than seventy Rak'ats offered by a bachelor'."
  
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  Imam Ridha (AS) stated: 'The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy and protects his property and her own honor in his absence'."
  
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  "The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'A bad woman does not forgive her husband's mistake and does not accept his apology'."
  
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  "Imam Sajjad (AS) stated: 'One's happiness is in having pious children from whom one can seek help'."
  
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  "Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'Associate with each other and do good. Keep away from sulking and separation'."
  
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  "The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'Whoever falsely accuses a faithful man or woman, Allah would, on the Day of Judgment, hold him on a heap of fire so that he receives the punishment for his sin'."
  
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  "Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Get married but do not divorce, because a divorce would tremble the Arsh (empyrean) of Allah'."  
  
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  "Imam Sadiq (AS) also stated: 'Allah likes the house which is inhabited in the wake of marriage and dislikes the house which is abandoned in the wake of divorce. There is nothing more detestable to Allah than a divorce." 
  
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  "The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: Jibrail(Gabriel) advised me about women so much that I thought one should not divorce them except if they commit adultery'."
  
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  Nikah (Rasool Allah (sa) stated that it is my Sunnat .
  

SABA InC, SAN jOSE, Ca

PRE & POST MARITAL SUPPORT SERVICE S BY:

Hujat ul Islam DR. NABI RAZA ABIDI
CONTACT PERSON:

Sr Amina Khan

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