Facilitation Guide for Effective Conflict

Reading the Cloud:
In order for David to have a good time during the break, he needs to be a part of the team and 
that’s why he wants to play basketball with the boys.
On the other hand, in order for the boys to have a good time in the break, they need to be 
successful and that’s why they want to play basketball without David.
So now we have the essence of the conflict presented through two sentences. In order to find 
the win-win solution, we have to shift the focus onto the needs and try to think of a way in 
which both side’s needs would be achieved. How could David be a part of the team and at the 
same time boys have a successful game?
Well, David could be a referee! There are other possibilities that could also work: 
• David could collect the ball when it goes out of the court;
• He could be a reporter
• He could play for the same amount of time for each side.
All these would logically work, however, it is likely that David or the boys might not be very 
happy with them, while David being a referee is a solution that neither David nor the boys 
would be likely to object to.
Given that in 80% of cases (if the Cloud has been properly constructed and the needs have 
been clearly defined), it is possible to come to a win-win solution intuitively. In this Guide, we 
will only be working at resolving conflicts in this way. There is another way, a systematic way, 
to seek win-win solutions through using the Cloud, but we will not be working with it in this 
Guide. 
The majority of people, when in conflict, only think about their wants. Merely trying to 
identify and verbalize the need, we “program” our mind to start seeking solutions to satisfy 
the need.
COMMON GOAL
WANTS 
NEEDS 
To have a good time 
in the break 
To be a part of the team
To play basketball 
with the boys
To feel successful
To play basketball 
without David
David
The Boys

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31
If I insist that a window should be closed in a room in which other 
people want to have the window open that is often because I am cold. 
If I say: “I would like to close the window because I am cold”, I am only 
stating the fact and in a way closing the argument.
If, on the other hand, I identify my need and say: “I would like to close 
the window because I need to feel warm”, I open a “thinking space” 
in which both I and the other side can start thinking about the way 
to help me satisfy me need. People are generally creative in finding 
win-win solutions once the conflict analysis has been done properly.