Copyright 2001, Colin C. Tipping

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Forgiving the person but
 
not condoning
 
the be-
havior.
 
This largely intellectual approach may only
masquerade as forgiveness, because it remains judg-
mental and self-righteous. It also has practical and
semantic problems. How do you separate a murderer
from the act of murder?
This last one raises the whole issue of accountability
and responsibility which is the subject of the next chap-
ter.
4: Accountability
I
t needs to be clearly understood that Radical Forgive-
ness does not relieve us from responsibility in this
world. We are spiritual beings having a human experi-
ence in a world governed by both physical and man-made
laws, and as such, we are necessarily held to account for
all our actions. That is an inherent part of the human ex-
perience which cannot be avoided.
In other words, when we create circumstances that hurt
other people, we must accept that in the World of Hu-
manity there are consequences for such actions. 
 
While,
from a Radical Forgiveness standpoint, we would say
that all parties involved in the situation are getting what
they need, it is also true that experiencing the conse-
quences, like going to jail, being fined, being shamed
and condemned is all part of the lesson and is perfect
once again in that spiritual context.
I am often asked whether, in a situation where some-
one has done us harm and where the normal reaction
would be to seek redress through the courts, a forgiv-
ing person would actually take that course of action?
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The answer is, “
Yes
.” We live in the World of Human-
ity which operates within the parameters of the Law of
Cause and Effect. This states that for every action there
is a correspondingly equal reaction. Thus, early on we
learn that our actions have consequences. If we were
never held accountable for our actions, forgiveness
would be meaningless and valueless. With no account-
ability put upon us, it would appear as if, no matter what
we did, no one cared. Such an action or attitude offers
no compassion whatsoever. For instance, children al-
ways interpret 
rightful 
parental discipline applied ap-
propriately as caring and loving. Conversely, they in-
terpret being given total license by their parents as non-
caring. Children know.
However, the extent to which we respond to other
people’s actions with a sense of righteous indignation,
grievance, revenge, and resentment, rather than with a
genuine desire to balance the scales with regard to
principles of fairness, freedom, and respect for others,
determines our level of forgiveness. Righteousness and
revenge lower our vibration. Conversely, defense of
principles and acting with integrity raises our vibration.
The higher the vibration, the closer we come to Di-
vine Truth and the more able we are to forgive radi-
cally.
I recently heard bestselling author Alan Cohen tell a story
that illustrates this point well. A friend of his once got
involved in circumstances that resulted in a girl's death.
For her wrongful death, he was imprisoned for many
years. He accepted the responsibility
 
for what had hap-
pened and behaved in every way as a model prisoner.
However, the girl's father, a rich and influential man with
friends in high places, made a vow to keep this man
locked up for as many years as possible. So, every
time this man became eligible for parole, the girl’s fa-
ther spent a great deal of time and money pulling every
political string possible to make sure his parole was
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denied. After numerous such occurrences, Cohen
asked his friend how he felt about being denied parole
because of this man’s efforts to keep him in prison.
The man said he forgave the girl’s father every day of
his life and prayed for him, because he realized that it
was the father who was in prison, not himself.
In truth, the father who was unable to get beyond his
rage, sadness, and grief, was controlled by his need
for revenge. He could not escape the prison of his own
victimhood. Even traditional forgiveness was beyond
him. Cohen's friend, on the other hand, refused to be a
victim and saw love as the only possibility. His vibra-
tion was higher, and he was able to practice Radical
Forgiveness.
Getting back to the issue of whether or not to seek re-
dress through the courts, we should seek to make oth-
ers accountable for their actions. Remember, though,
that once we decide to sue, we must, as they say in
AA, “pray for the S.O.B.,” and for ourselves. (By the
way, we do not have to like someone to forgive them!)
In other words, we turn the matter over to our Higher
Power. We recognize that Divine Love operates in
every situation and that each person receives exactly
what they want. We recognize that perfection always
resides somewhere in the situation, even if it is not
apparent at the time.
I had occasion to experience this myself when I had
just completed this book and was looking around for
someone to help me market it. A friend recommended
someone, so my wife JoAnna and I went to see her. She
seemed OK, and I had no reason to doubt her skill or
integrity. However — it’s funny how the Universe works
— the deadline for getting the title into ‘Books in Print,’
was the next day. This is the reference book that book-
stores use for ordering so it was important to get in then
— or miss a whole year. But that also meant I was rushed
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into signing a contract with this woman. In addition, it
meant coming up with $4,000, which is what she wanted
up-front, as well as 15% of the book sales. We didn’t
have $4,000 but JoAnna somehow came up with $2,900.
We would pay the rest in monthly installments. So we
signed. Though rushed into it, I was pleased that I had
delegated that part of the project.
Well, as the months went by, and well after my book was
published, I noticed that I was still having to do a lot of
what I thought I had contracted with her to do. I was book-
ing all my own book signings, sending books to review-
ers and so on. I wasn’t seeing any results from her efforts
at all. I kept my eye on it, but after a while I confronted her.
It turned out that she had hardly done a thing. Of course
she denied it and defended herself, but when I demanded
to see letters and evidence of activity, there was nothing.
I fired her, voided the contract for nonperformance, and
demanded my money back. Of course, she refused. So I
started court proceedings to recoup the money.
As you can imagine, I was pretty upset. I was stuck where
all people who imagine themselves victimized go, in
“victimland!” And I was totally unconscious. I had my vic-
tim story all made up and took every opportunity to share
it with anyone who would listen. As far as I was concerned,
she stole that money from me, and I needed to get even. I
was well and truly stuck, and I stayed that way for several
weeks. And I was supposed to be