Child Education in Islam

how abundant arc these nowadays! We must also address the

problem of shyness and fear, if we want a child to be ra ised to

observe the community and social criticism. This has already been

discussed in the section: "The Responsibility for Psychological

Education,"

Cha pter Sc~e n

The Rl'SponsibiJity fo r Sexual Educatiun

The meaning of scxual education is to tcach a child, enlighten

him. and be frank with him from the time he reaches pUberty so

that when he becomes a responsible adult 3nd understands life, he

will know what is l"wful and what is unlawful and will be neither

driven by desire nor led to debauchery. Sexual L-ducation consists

of the following stages;

- Belween Ihe ages of7 and 10 years: the age ofrecognilion: a child

is taught the rules of pennission to enter and of looking at

womcn.

- Between the ages of 10 and \4 years: the age of adolescence a

chi ld should be kept away from all fonns of sex ual arousal.

. Between the ages of 14 and 16 years: the age of puberty; a child is

taught the manners of sexual intercourse if he is ready to get

married .

. Post·puberty is also called the age of youth; he should be taught

to be chaste if he is not able 10 get married.

Finally, should he he frankly informed about sex while he is at

the age of recognition? Here are some discussions arranged

according to the different age groups:

Firstly: the Manners of Asking Permission to Enter

What we aim at during this stage is to aCCUSlom a child to the

decorum of taking permission 10 enler " room. The Noble Qur'an

detailed Ihis family decorum in the clearest statement when it said,

.p;, ~Y ~ ~ p1i !,;oJ.:; j ;;'J~ :W~ .J:1: ,;j. ;t.;: ~l y.:r. .:01 ~h; ,

O ''f)' '·""'Y"'i -.- "'_ . ).".,'....-~ ~ • ' I .".L..'..-..,. .~.." ""'"..".". "'If ~', ..'. "'~ ;~',",, ~,, ';-.'-,-'-"' :" u-•--•

'r1 :"1 ~ *~'"" .dT Z• J~r i,Y'I'.' i" , !.:. ~y.~, .:~wJ'jy,'>I ':"' ~. ,L~-~C~ F. f--"-' l,' ,'y~:i'

.,....-,~i ' ,' .:<'j ~ Ijp''ji ;i'. il ~ J;i~i ~ ~!$I ;.g • G-:.i~ ~.iii

•

~ ... ~(>:

187

"0 )"0 .. who believe! Let )'our legal "/0."''''-and s/l",e-g;,ls, and

IIw'"f! among )'00. who have no/ come to the age of puberty ask )'lJur

permission (before they come to your presence) on three occ/uions:

1M/oTt Fajr (morning) prayer, "nd while you put off your dothes for

the noonday (,n'), and after the 'Ishu (late-night) prayer. (TJreu)

three limes are of privacy for ),ou, otMr fhlm Ihne limes tlrert! is nO

si" on you Or Oil them to ma'l! ablJut, a/lending (helping) ),ou ellch

olhl'1. Thus Alllih mukeJ clear ,he A)'I" (the .<'rsU of this Qur'iin,

showing proofs for 'he legal QSputs of permission for ,jsirs, ere.) fO

),ou. And Allah is All-Knowing, AIt-WiSt'. And when the children

umonK you earne to puberty, then let them (also) usk for permission,

us (host senior to them (in age). Thus AlIiih makes cleur His Ayat

(Commundmenu Qnd Irgul obligations) for you. And AI/ah is AI/Knowing,

AfI-Wise." (An·Nil., 58·59)

Asking permission IS necessary in three cases:

Right before the dawn prayer because people at that time are

sleeping.

During mid-day, because people may lay aside their clothes at

this time wi th their spouses.

- After the evening prayer, because this time is one of sleep and

rest.

However, when the children reach puberty, educators should

teach them the rules of asking permission at these three times and

other times, in accordance with AlIiih's saying,

~ ;'!!J ~ ,,-:-tJi ,.,.;":.) ~ ~,j:' "'Ji );..i1 ~ jii,1.Ji ~ GJ.J ~

"And wllt ll tM Chi/drill 11Il101111 ),011 come to puber,y, tMII kt tMm

( ulso) Ink for permission, tU tllou Stnior to 'hem (in IIgt ). " (An.Nur, 59)

How great the scandal would be if a child enters his parents'

bedroom all of a sudden and sees them engaged in se~ual

intercourse, and then goes out and talks to his young friends

about what he saw How perplexed the child would 00 whenever

the scene comes back to his mind.

A child would be prone to diversion if hc feels incl ined to the

opposite sex when he observes the nature of in tercourse. Paren ts

should take up the rules of the Noble Qur'an in teaching a

recognizing child to ask permission, if they want their children to

have noble manners. and a distinct Islamic character,

Secondl)': the Manners of Looking at Women

D. E~cry .. oman whom a man cannot marry is one of his malt-irim,

and every man a woman cannot marry is one of her mahiirim.

Therefore, nw~'iiriffl includes:

Womeo who are prohi tited for a man to marry because of

kin ship: there arc seven such women, and they are enumerated

by Allah 1ft in His saying,

~ " " 5 :', ! ~" P J..;::' ;=.n ,-U;;1' , ~~ '~"?14".{= .j' • ,,' t -''''J ",1 -''''J .• :J -' , • J ... , '.. - -'..;,...r '~ • • i _

" Forbiddell ro you (for marriagt) ure: )"(>ur mothers, )"our

daughters, J'our si1' ers, your farha's sisrers, J'our mOlhu'.f si.lfers,

J'our brother's daughrers, ),our slller's daughurs." (An-Nl.a. 23)

Women who arc prohibited for a man to marry because of

relationship by marriage. These are four in number:

l. The fat her'S wife: Alhih !Ii says.

"And mrury not women whom J'our fathers married, t Xctpt whal

htu a/ready ptused" (An·Ni .. , 22)

2. Son's wi fe: Arriih '1ti says,

''the Il'jf'es of your sons who (spring) from YfJUr 0"'" {oillS ... " (An.

Ni .. , 23)

18.

3_ Wife's mother: Alliih iii says,

"your ",i,'es' mOf/ren ..... (An.Ni .... 23)

4. Wife's daughter: Alliih \8 says,

~j;.~ ij,t::s rl .. ~ ~ ':.i:~ ~l ?;.Vi vi /£=I;':'.j ~( ?-';::.;:;,

.I. "c .1:; ' t::.!.:b .......

'1: 1 ·C· ~

" ... And your sup doughrers Ullder )'our guardiunship, born of your

K·;~e_. to whom YOII have gone in-irul Ihere is 110 sin all you ... " (An.

Nisa, 23)

Women prohibited because of nursing, in accordance with

Allah's saying, "und ),our me>then "'110 huve given suck /0 ),ou,

and ),our suckling sister.I." [t is lawful for man to see women

prohibited to him. the bosom and aoovc, and from below the

knees and down if his desire and her desire are unlikely to be

aroused. If not, it is unlawful fo r him \0 look for the sake of

blocking the means to eviL

Accordingly, it is lawful for a man to look at their adornmenl$,

outward and inward, which include: the head, hair, neck, bosom,

ear, shoulder, arm, palm, leg from below the knec, foot, face, and

chest if temptation is guaranteed not to be aroused, He is nevcr

allowed to look at parts olhcr than these. The basis for this is

found in AU£ih's saying:

~I\~ 6~. '1; fn.;;. J ~ ;;~ 0.:.1; r;,. ; .' C -11 ~I:\~ 4 ';'0 -1; ,

~ ji 6t};;: ;d ) ~ ) ~~ J:;;r: j f ~r;I: j1 ~ J;.q ~l

~.o. tt.Ct :,1 ~ ;; j1 ~Sll .; j1

"And not 10 sho ... off Iheir adornmenr txCtpl on/)' Iha' ,,'meh is

apparenr (both eyes for necrui,y 10 su the ... ay, or outer palms of

hand< or one eye or duSJ like ~t;;I, glm'ts, head-co.tr, "pron. etc.),

"nd 10 dr" ... thtir .tils all o.er JU)'ubihinn" (i.e. t/oeir bodies, fures,

''' ~======================================~ Pan Two

neckllUld bosoms) und nor III reveal Ilrei, adornment except /0 thd r

Iw$banih, or ,hei, fathers, or their frusblmd's !athtrJ, Or thd, SOlU, or

thei, husband's I(J11S, or their brothers or their bmtlu!,'s sons, Or Ilrei,

sister's som , or their (Muslim) "'omen (i.e. Ihl!i, siSIUS in Islam} ... "

(An-Niil.31)

It is thus unlawful for man, especially an adolescent, to see one

of his prohibited women in short, above the knee, in a transparent

garment that shows or outlines what is beneath it, or the private

parIS. It is also unlawful for a girl or woman to see the purt of the

body between the belly button and the knee of one of her

(prohibited) men, even her son, brolher, or father, even if she docs

not suspect temptation. not even in bathing or washing in the

bathroom.

b. The manners or looking alone's fiance: Islamic Law has allowed

a suilor to look at his fiance and has allowed the fiance to do the

same with her suitor, in order that each of them may be

enlightened in choosing his life partner. This stems from the

saying of All iih's Prophet 3: as narrated by Muslim quoting Ibn

Shu'bah: "Look

1lcy between

you" Le. it may implant cordi ality and familiarity. However, such

looking has certain manners which a suitor must abide by:

I. the suitor should not look except at the face and the hands after

he plans to marry her.

2. He may look repeatedly if necessary so that her physical image

may be imprinted in his mind.

3. He may talk to her and she may talk to him as he asks for her

hand.

4. It is sti!! not permissib le to shake hands with the fiance because

she is not yet related to him, before concluding the marriage

contracl. This is according to what Al-Bukhari said quoting

'Aishah as saying, "The hand of the Prophet 3: has never

touched the hand of a woman during taking the pledge, which

was done orally."

5. They cannot meet except in the presence of a related man of the

fiance's, according to what Al.BlI~~arl lind Muslim quoted the

Prophet $: as saying, "No man ij ever allowed /0 meel wilil a

womall ill sl'e/usion, and 110 womllil ij e,'e, a/lawed /0 Iravel e;ccl'pl

accompanied by a mall prohibited 10 hrr." We must point out the

common pmctice of the suitor ~nd his fiance: meeting each othcr

under the pretext that they have to know each other belter, is

prohibited in Islam rejects and prohibits this practice because it

contradicts the most basic principles of vIrtue and morality, and

the damage it causes to the reputation of the girl more than it

does to that of the sui tor. This reputation makes people

completely refuse to ask for her handO) Moreover, this sinful

mixing docs not achieve its purpose because orthe pretence which

Characterizes their behavior towards each other

c. Th ... mann ... rs of looking at one's ... ife: the husband is allowed to

see every thing of his wife with or without lust. Since touching and

intercourse arc allowed, whal is less than them is also allowed, L e.

looking at all her body. However, it is better for each of them not

to look at the private parts of the other. The permissibility of

looking ~l everything is established by what Abu Dawud, AtTirmidhi,

and An-Nasal quoted Mu'awiyah Ibn ~!idah as saying:

"1 said, '0 Messenger of Alhlh, what ilbout our private parIS?

What should we show and what should we leave?' I-Ie said:

;l ~~ P"~ .:n: G ) rt-fl ~ -it (j) L# rt--.D-! ~ &~r; ,

~~j:

"And thou who gU/lrd tlr,,;. clrastity (i.t. pril'ilft parIS, from

il/egill Jexuill ileu), Except from their K"i~e~ 01' (lIr" s/a~es) that

(\) i. c. in.,...., ha onilor doe. nol mor'Y her.

their ,igh, hands possess, - for then, Ihey /Ire f,ee from blame, .. "

(Al.Mu'minun, 5.{;)

d. The mpnners of looking at non-related lI'omen: non-related man is

he whom a woman can m3rry, e.g. her paternal uncle's son, her

paternlll aunt's son, her maternal uncle's son, her maternlll aunt"s

son, her sister's husband(l) and her maternal(l) aunt's husband. ())

Nnn-rela ted woman is that whom a man may marry, e.g. his

paternal uncle's daughter, his pllternal aunt's daughter, hi~

maternal uncle's daughter, his maternlll aunt's daughter, his

brother's wi fe, his paternal uncle's wife, his maternal uncle's

wife, his wife's sister, his wifc's patcrnal or maternal aunt.(4) What

applies to II man also applies to a boy if he is an adolescent or

knows about sex, This prohibition is established by Allah's saying,

t:.. ,,~ ~; 1.L "'. ~ " r 1 't"<: !9~u-~ ~'."" b';~ r.-".......j , I ~ •• ~ ·-"1i ,! ). ~ .;r- :r-' ,-*"....., .... T

~ ... u.w :C~:; .s~/.:!1 [,; z, '. <.",: '; ,~~ j,; ~ i"j' ":

" Tell ,he belie ~ing men to lo ... er theu- gau (from looking al

forbidden things), and prolu t their p,i,ale parts (from ilkgal uXMal

acts), ThaI is purer for them, Verify, Alllih;s AII-Awa,e ofwl!4t they

do. And telllhe INlie,ing ... omell/o lo ... e, their gaze (from looking at

forbidden things) And proteel their private parts (from illegal ux"1l1

acu)" (An·Nfir, 31)

It is also eSlablished by what A!-Tabariini and AI- ,:! iikim

narrated. A!-'!"abarani narrated an authentic hadith quoting

Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud as saying, "Alliih's Messenger ~ said,

through Alliih's words, "A look is IlIl arrow of (he arrows of IbliJ (S)

I'l i.e.;n case he divor<:eJ her si'ter or .he dies.

121 The: sam. applie, to her paternal aunt', hwband.

(l) Again, in case h. divQr<:eJ hor aunt or ,h. dies.

(.) In aU th ... cases, ofie, the other man divortt, the WOman Or after he dies.

IS) i.e. Satan.

Wlwe~er leaW!5 II for fear of Me J will give him, ill relllrn, belief

whose sweetness he finds in his lIearl." Muslim and At-Tirmidhi

quoted Jarir q;. a'l saying: " ] asted Allfth's Messenger e about

beholding sudden things, so he said, Turn away your eyesighl'. "'

Shaith Sayed Qutb in his Tafseer entitled "Fi ZilaJ Al-Qur'aIJ"'

says, "Continual arousal leads man to lustful desire that cannot be

extinguished or quenched. A lustful loot , an arousing movement,

excessive adornment, a nated body only arouse this mad sexual

desire. One of the means of Islam to establish a clean society is to

prevent this arousal and tecp the deep instinctive drive between

the two sexes sound and within its natural bounds without

artificial arousal."

e. The manners of a man looking at a man: a man should not look at

another man between his belly button and knee. whether the man

looked at is a relative or non-related Muslim or disbel iever. As for

looking at other parts of the body, it is pennissiblc if the looker

guarantees that he would not be aroused. This is established by

what Muslim quoted the Prophet it as saying,"''''' man is n0110 look at

the private port5 of (anothe, ) man. and a wonlan is nollo look allhe

privale pari! of (anolher) woman."

AI,Haklm narrated thaI the Prophet $ saw a man with a bare

thigh, so he said to him in guidance, "Co~e' your thigh because Ihe

thigh is a pri.ate part." Therefore, a man is not permitted to reveal

any part from his naval to his knee whether in sports, swimming,

training, or in the bathroom, even if he docs not fear arousal. If

anyone commands him to uncover any part of his private parts, he

should not obey him in accordance with the hadith , "'No obedience

10 a crealed man in disobeYing the CrealOr."'

f. The manners of a "oman looking at a woman: a woman is not

permitted to look at another woman between the belly button and

the knee, whether the woman looked at is a relative or not, a

Muslim or a non·M llslim. Based on the above-mentioned evidence

about a man look ing a\ another m~ln , we oonelude the following'

It is prohibited for 3 woman to look at the thigh of her

daughter, sister, mother, neighbor. or friend. whether in a

bathroom or elsewhere Female Mlislims abiding by their religion

should avoid looking at the private p'.rts of other women like

themselves, whether during taking clothes ofT fo r ta king a batb.

washing in

despicable nakedness and hateful exposure, which is shameful

indeed. Men abiding by their religion should not permit their wives

or daughters \0 go to public baths because they involve nakedness.

g. The manners concerning a di shcliC"ing "'oman louking at a

Mnslim ,,'nman: it is prohibited for a Muslim woman to reveal any

of her adornments before a disbelieving woman e)lcept those parIs

which naturally appear such as the handii and the face. This is

established by Allah's saying,

~t::;j .. 10f,h\ -"~;. p; .:,1 ~r;,: j\ :..:I~ 11 ~"j:~'!.j 6.~. Y';,

"And nOI 10 ,e"eul,hei, adornmenl uapl 10 Ihei, husbands, Or

their fathers, (I' thei, hasband's fUlher s, 0' Ihei, sons, 0, thei,

hasband's SOn5, 01' l!rei, brothers 0, t!rdr brothu's sons, or their

,';Sler's SOliS, 01' t!reir (Mlll'lim) ... ornen (i,e, ,hei, !ii.Hers in Islum}."

(An-Niir, Jt)

This verse means that a Muslim womun should no! display her

adornment unless she is with righteous Mushm women. If there are

non·Muslim women or women who

not display her adornment. The wisdom behind this is thut a non'

Muslim woman is likely \0 describe a Muslim woman to ber

disbelieving husband. Prohibition then, is bccaw;c of a specific

reason, not be.::ause priva1e parts are involved.

h. The maoncrs of lookiog at Af-Amrlld: he is the young man whose

beard has not yet grown. Looking at ul-amrud is permissible if it is

for a necessity such as selli ng and buying. ta king and giving,

medication and education , and other necessities. But if looking is

intended for enjoying beauty, it is prohibited because it leads to

lust and sin. The evidence for prohibition is Alliih's saying;

~ ~,""';:1 ~ V~ ; 6.;.-~ j,

" Tefl tM Ixlie.ing me" ro lower thei, gllu (from looking lit

forbidtk" rhingJ }.,. " (A n. N ur, 3 t)

Our pious predecessors exaggerated in avoiding l(){)king at and

sitting with good-looking amruds. Sufyiin Ath-Thawri once went to

the bathroom, and a boy with a beautifu l face entered, so Sufyan

said, 'Take him out of here; I see a devil with every woman, and

seventeen devils with an amruti.

A man came to Imam Ahmad who had a boy with a beautiful

face with him. He asked him, 'How is he related to you?' He said,

'He is my sister'S son' _ He said, 'Do not bnng him to us once more,

and do not walk with him III the street 50 that those who do not

know you and him may not entertain bad thoughts about you'.

The wisdom behmd the prohibition of looking at an amradwithout

necessity is the fear of oommitting a sin. Hence, prohibition is

meant as a means of avoiding and preventing oorruption.

i. The maooers or a woman looking at non-related men: Muslim

womeo are allowed to look at men wal king in the streets, playing

unprohibited sports, or selling and buying. Evidence: In As-$t0i!wyn

it is metioned that AlIiih's Messenger '* looked at the Abyssinians,

who were playing wi th their spears in the mosque on the day of the

feast, while 'Aishah 14\& looked at them from behind him. He was

hiding her from them until she became bored and left.

The scholar Ibn ~ aja r AI·'Asqalani says in his book '"Fa/h AI196

!'an Two

Bar/bi SharI! Sahil! AI-Bllkl!tiri'": "It has been cslabliscd by this

lliidilh, i. e. 'Aishah's loobng al Ihe Abbyssinian>, that il is

pennissible for a woman to loot at a non-related man, but not vice

versa. The evidence for the laller case is the continuation of women

going to mosques and martets. and while traveling with veiled

[,Ices so that men would not sec Ihem, men were never commanded

to be veikd so that women may not see them. This shows that Ihere

is a difference in the ruling between men and women."' What I

conclude arter considering the aforementioned evidence is that

looking by ,I woman at ~n alien man is pcnnissible under tWO

conditions: First. that looking does not lead to temptation. Second,

Ihat gazing should not late place in the same meeting place with

men and women facing each other.

j. 'Ill ... manners of looking at the print ... parts of elilldr ... n: ( I) Scholars

of rcligon said that Ihe privale parts of a youngster, a boy or a girl,

are not prohibited to look at if he is four years old or younger. But

if he or she is over four, his or her private parts are the front and

back private parts and Ihe areas around Ihen. If we make a young

child accustomed to covering his body, this will be better.

k. CaSC'i in .. hich looking is permissible for necessity:

I. I...ooking with the intention of marriage: this has been discussed

under '"The manners of looking at one's fiance'" above.

2. I...ooking with the aim of teaching: it is permissible for a man to

look at a non-related woman who is not displaying her beauty.

for the sake of tcaching her, accordmg to these conditions:

- That Ihe branch of knowledge she is lea rning is lawfu l and

leads 10 righteousness in this world and the next.

- That the branch of knowledge is within whal she is supposed

(I) See "Radd AI-M"!',w" by Ibn Abdeen Part t, the chapttr on condition. of

prayer.

197

\0 do, c. g. teaching her [he principles of nursing, the art of

midwifery, and sewing.

- ThaI looking at her is not feared to lead 10 temptation.

· That leaching docs not lead to seclusion between men and

women.

- That there are no women who can teach what the men are

teaching.

3. looking for the sake of treatment: it is pennissiblc for a doctor

10 look at the parts he is treating of 11 non-related women.

Muslim quoted Umm Salamah'" as saying that she asked the

pennission of the Prophet 3: to have cupping, so the Prophet

3: commanded Abu Tibah to make cupping for her. A doctor

can treat a woman only under some conditions:

- He should be pious, honest, specialized, and knowledgeable.

- He should not uncover any part of her body exccpllhat which

is necessary.

· Lacking a female doctor who is capable of giving treatment.

· A relative such as husband, or a trusted woman, e. g. her

mother, should be present.

_ He should not be a non-Muslim, while a Muslim doctor is

available.

4. Looking for trial or testimony; it is permissible for the judge or

witness to look at a woman· s face and hands, even if lhey were

liable to temptation. It is pennissible because a covered woman

can!lot be identified by the judge or witness, and for keeping the

rights from being lost in the society.

In this connection to Ihis, I quote historical evidence in order

that people may know how our piolls predecessors used to refrain

from admitting the uncovering of womens' faces, even in

permissible cases:

Musa. Ibn I s~aq , the judge of Rayy and Ahwaz in the third

century A. H., was holding a court session. Among the htigants

was a woman, who claimed that her husband owed her a dowry of