Child Education in Islam

And is there any greater dissension related to a righteous wo:nan

than fall ing under the matrimonial authority of an immoral,

libertine husband, who forces t,er to abandon the veil and to mix

with men, and compels her \0 drink wine and dance with men?

So many girls, unfortunately, who were exemplary in their

family's home regarding chasti ty and purity, but when such a girl

moved to a libertine house, and a licentious husband, she turned

into an unrestrained and careless woman, not value ing the

principles of morality or the ~oncep!s of chastity and honl)ur,

No doubt that when children grow lip in such a sinful house, :hey

will acquire perversity and libcrlinism, and will be fed with

corruption and maleficence. So, a choice based on religion and

with morals is the most important factor in achieving happiness

for both SPOU""S , virtuou. I. lamic breeding for the children, and

good rank and stabili ty for the family.

Z. Choke based on noble birth and honou,: among the rules laid

down by Islam for choosing a spouse, is to choose your spouse from

a family known for their righrousness, morals, noble birth, and

honor. Ibn-Majah, AI-Hakim, and AI-IJayhaqi related Ihat 'Ai,hah

~ said that the Prophet $ said, "Choose for your sperm. and

marry your equals, ond let t/wm marry your daughters."

This Hadi/h, and many otber5, direct the attention to the

necessity of choosing someone of noble biMb, so that the man can

obtain moral, pious, and rigbeous children. In accordance with this

meaning, Uthman lhn Abi AI-'As Ath-Thaqafi advised his sor.s to

wlect their wives, and avoid ill-bred families. He advised t:,em

laying: "0 sons, the man who se>eks marriage is like one who plants,

!o, everyone should see where he is putting his seeds, and it is quite

rare 10 get noble offspring from the ill-bred, so select your ",ives

even if you have to wait for a while."

Such a selection, that the Prophet 3: has advised us of, is taken

as one of the greatest scientific faclS, and educational theories in

modern times. GenetIcs proved that the child inherits his parent's

moral, physical, and intellectual characteristics. So, when the

selection of a spouse is based on noble birth, honour, and

righteousness, children gr,, '\" up bearing these same qualities, and

when a child combines inherited righeous qualities and virtuous

breeding, he attains the dimax of religion, morality, and piety.

J . Exogamy: among the wise Islamic instructions regarding

selecting a spouse is preferring a \loman who is not from one's

family (i.e. cousins etc) for seeking intelligent chi ldren, assuring

their safety from inhented diselSeS, expanding the family

acquaintance and strengthening social bonds. Genetics has proved

that endogamy weakens the ofTspring physically and mentally.

4. Preferring ~lrglllS: among the rational Islamic instructions

regarding sdccting a future wife is preferring virgins to women

who were married before. This is because the virgin is disposed to

intimacy and familiarity with her first husband, contnlfY to the

woman who was married before, since she may not find intimacy or

love with her second husband. But th~ virgin loves her husband, and

does not long for another man, because she knew no one but him.

'Ashah ~ made all these meanings dear when she said to the

Propbet $, according to Al-Bukh

yon were in a valley with two trecs. One was eaten from, and the

other was not eaten from, of which would you let your camel

graze? He said, At the one which was not eaten from. She said,

That)s me." She meant to point to her precedence over his other

wives, since she was the sole virgin wife he married. Indeed, the

selection of a virgin is desirable unless there was a serious reason

for marrying a deflowered woman who was married before, as in

the case of a widower or divorced man who is looking for a woman

,, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~: Pan~

(wife) to look after his house and bring up his children .

AI-Bukhiiri and Muslim narrated the dialogue that took place

t>etween the Prophet #: and Jiihir on their way hack from the

expedition of Dha! Ar-Riqii. The Prophet said to him: "0 Jab!r,

ha~e you gol married? He replied: yes, He asked: A virgin or a

ikflowered woman? He replied: a deflowered WOman. He asked:

Why rlor a ~irgin so Ihal you may play wilh her and she wilh youl He

repl ied, 0 Messenger of Allah, my father was killed in the baltle of

Uhud and left seven girls, so r married a deflowered woman to

gather them around her and look after them. The Prophet 3: said:

You did Ihe righl {king , insho ' A/Mil.

S- The preference of marrying a fertile woman: among the

mstructions of Islam for selec1ing a wife is that she is ferti le, to

achieve the purpose ofmaniage I.e. having children, preserving the

human race, and inhabiting the earth. One of the women's merits is

to bear children, and that il why the Prophet 4: preFerred

Khadijah ~ to his other wiv~ _ So, he mentioned that she gave

b.im children while others did not as a privilege of hers. The

?rophet <1:- advised not to many banen women however beautiFul

:hey might be. Abu Dawud and An-Nasa'; related that Maqil lbn

Yasar said that a man came to the Prophet *- and said to him " I

love a well-bred and beautiful woman, but she is barren. Shall I

marry her'! The Prophet tj: said, "No," The man came a second

time and the Prophet 4: said, "No." When he came the third time,

lhe Prophet 4:- said to him, "marry the loving andler/i/e l1-'OnlWl, as

I shall take prUk in your abundance. "'

These are the most impor:ant principles of marriage, as it

!~li sr;es hum~" needs, SuiTS the desires of life, a!tributes the

children to their parents, free! the s.ociety from libertinism and

fatal diseases, achieves cooperation between spouses, and ignites

lhe parent's sentiment for pare nthood. Marriage in Islam is blSCd

on strong foundations, and sound rules relating to the se lection of

The Ideol Mornaso . nd ito Relotionship I" Ed""'1i"n~ _ ______ ="

a spouse. The most important of which is religion. noble birth and

"w~r",eSS of 'h" "PO"",,', r;ght._ The very heginning of rai.ing

childr~n in Islam stems from an ideal marriage built on selecting a

righteous wifc. By doing so, the Muslim famIly is formed, and a

faithful gcneration, and rightoous progeny aTe raised.

26 o=o=o=o===========================o=o====== f\o'\~C

Chapler T",'o

Psychological Feelings Towards Children

A. Parents are disposed to lo~'e loci. children

[t is intuitively known that the hearts of parents are disposed to

love their children, and arc lilled with psychological feelings and

parental compassion 10 protect, have mercy, sympathIze, and care

for them. Were it not fo r that, the human race would have

vanished, and parents would not have had patience to look after

their children, sponsor them, bring them up, caring for them or

se~ king their interests. The Noble Qur'an has depicted these

parental feel ings so, somc~imes, it makes children the adornment of

this present lire:

~ t .... ( v:: it t..; 5;..:,i~ Ji.Ji "

" Wealth and children are tM adornment of the life of lhiy

,,·orld .•. " (AI.KahL 46)

On another occasion it considers them a great bounty that is

worth thanking the Giver:

~ ~ Xi pj'~; ~; ,t;:\ ~;~t ,

"We Mlped }'Oll ",jill weulth ond r!ti!dren and mt ytJU mor~

numerous in mUlI-po ..' cr," (AI- I,,,. . 6)

On a third occasion, it made them thecomrort of the eyes if they

were piolls:

~ c.t:t /.~t~ ~ ~j;~ (,~:~ I"'~\ ':': 0 ~ C; c,)J; ;:")iJ,

And (hrne ... lrn Sily: "Our Lord! Besro ... on lis/rom Our ... i.eJ and

our ofJ$pring tire com/orl 0/ our eye" and mah us leaders 0/ tire

Mattuqun, " (AI-Furqin, 47)

These, in addition to so many other Qur'anic verses that depict

the parents' feelings towards their children, reveal their true

sentiments and love for their beloved children,

Here, dear reader, we prescnt 3 selection of poetic ~erscs related

to loving children. These verses are full, of tenderness and

sympathy, nooded with feelings and affection, and stress the 10~e

and pity that Allah has bestowed on the parents' hearts. Let us

start with what Umayyab Ibn Abi A~-~alt composed regarding his

son. This poem is one of the masterpieces which is nooded with

tendcrna;, and depicts the tru thfulne,s of parental heart felt

towards the son:

" I fed you when you were a new-born,

and sponsored you when you were a youth,

and you enjoyed what J harvested for you.

If you fell sick one night. I would not sleep,

but J keep awake all night feeli ng sorry for you.

As if I were the sick not you.

So my eyes get nooded with tears. ,.

Another poet said regarding the torrential parental pity that

radiates affection, sympathy and Jove:

"Bul for a ~ery weak structure (body).

where some parI!; are leaning on olbers,

I would have had many journeys, in Ihis wide and vast land .

But our children, amongst us

who look as if they were our livers walking on the ground.

If the wind struck some of them

my eyes would never wink."

So, we conclude by reiterating Ihe strenglh of the emotions Ihal

A1Jiih bas engrained into the parents' hearts lowards their children.

R. Having merC}' on children is p blessing From Allah on mankind

Among the noble feelings that Alliih has put into the parents'

hearts is to have mercy on their chi ldren, ~ympathise with them,

and be kind to them. It is a great feeling that entails the greatest

e!Tect in raising the children and shaping their personalities_

A merciless heart renects a stern and harsh personahty, which

gmvely leads to children's oorruphon and perversity. For these

reasons, the Prophet a: cared very much for having mercy, and

urged adults to entertain this honourable quality. A~nad and AlBu~

iiri, Abu Dawud, At-Tionidhi, and AI-J-:liikim related that,

'Abdulliih Ibn 'Amr Ibn AI-" He

who does nOI have mercy On Our youllg. Imt! does 1101 ackrrowlege lhe

hallour of our grown-ups. does 1101 belong 10 IIJ".··

And the Prophet ij: used to rebuke any of his followers who did

not have mercy towards his ehildren, and directed him to having

mercy and sympathize with them. AI-Bukharl related, in "AI-At/ab

AI-Mufrod" Ihat 'Aishah ~ said, "A bedouin came to the

Prophet $ and said, "0o )'ou k iss ),our sons'!' We do not. The

Prophet said to him, "f calmol pUi mercy in your heart a/leT Allah

hm uprooted il from your hearl."

AI-Dukhiiri said that Abil Hurairah said, the Prophet #- kissed

AI-Hasan Ibn 'Ali in the presence of Al-Aqra' Ibn I:labis AtTamirni,

so AI-Aqra' sa id, "I have len children and [ have never

kissed anyone of them. The Prophet #: looked at him and sa id,

"Whoe~er is nOI mert;iful /0 Orher$, will not be Ireared mercifully."

AI-Bukhari related thai Anas Ibn Miilik said: a woman came to

'Aishah '<&1 (i.e. asking for help) and 'Aishah gave her three dates,

The woman gave every one of her chi ldren a date and kept one for

herself. The two boys ate the two dates, then looked at their

mother. So, she split her dale in two halves, and gave each a half of

the da te, then when the Prophet #: was told by 'Aishah about

what that woman had done. he said, "Why art' you amazedm Ihal?

AI/ah has endawed mercy on her fnr h,1I""g mercy On hu children."

The Prophet's eyes were nooded wilb tears at the sight of a dying

child.

Al- Bu~tlri and Mu. lim relat\.'d that Usamah Ibn Zayd .t;. said

that the Prophet's daughter sent him a message saying that her son

was dying and asked him to come. He replied to her greeting and

said. "Allah 0ll'Il5 Ihm ,,'hieh Ill' look alld thm which He gave. and

h(J!l Sit a lerm for everylhing. so, lie {HIliI'm. alld ask Allah for

reward." So she sent back to him a r:ply pleading for him to go to

her, so he went to her wilh Sa'd lb:\ UMdah, Mu'a!J,:l lbn Jabal,

Ubayy Ibn Ka'b, Zayd Ibn Thabil. and some other men. The child

was given 10 the Prophet tllld the Pre>phct put him in his lap as he

was heavily breathing heavily and fgitatcd, and his eyes nooded

wilh \<:«TS. Su, S4'U .4iu. 0 Mes""'''tcr of Allah what is lhis? The

Propl:el #. said, "This ;s mercy. ~'hich AII"h has put illlo His

bondmen's hearts." And in another narration. "Allah hos {Jut into

the hwrts of whom He wishes of flis bOlldmen . Surely AI/ah is

merciful 10 those who life mercifi,I." The mercy which is deeply

engrained in the parents' hearts motivates them to take Ihe

responsibility 10 look after tllld raise their children.

C. Dtspising girls is;o.n abom inable JihiliJ'J'ah ()!fe- Islamic practice)

Islam, in cailing for equalily and justice, has not made any

distinction in the treatment of males and females. Making

distinctions between males and f~males concerning treatment,

love, and sympathy is an abominable pre-Islamic practice, Allah

VIa uys,

.~~\: .;. ~,Jii ~~~ $ i:¥ X C~ ;-;;,'; Jj;j.~\ I ~','l";; Gv'

~ 5~_ t: £. 1\ ~[J.( J ~-:.; ~ y;' ;:;., ;.t:;.,l

"And "'''~n tk n~ "'s of (tl ... birth of) a femil le (child) is brollg"t to

any of t"~m , "is faa buomes dllrk, and he is filfed "'ith inward grief!

lie IUdu himselffrom ,he people becauu of tile £.1/ of til at "'1It~eofllt

has bun informed. Shall M k eep Mr with dishonor or bury htt in the

etut'" Cerfainfy, e.if is tlltit du ision. (An.Nahl, 58.59)

If we find within the Muslim society, some fathers who make a

distinction in the treatment of males between boys and girls, the

reawn behind that is due to the spoiled environment from which

Ih~y ~c.qllirerl their h~dword, ignorant traditions and abominable

social conventions. It is also du~ to the weakness of fai th sir.ce they

han not accepted that which Allah fit destined for them (i.e. the

girl$). Neither can they. their wives, nor all people on earth change

what Allah has created. Allah I!li says,

• • T~) . ;.r"; ......'.."... . 1{" l!B_ ~." Y.'f-:- f'\~..O'l. I: .~.t...-:: •~. '! -.iO\J' ~""~Ii {1! ~<. "}T,.

.I. »i :' !~ ' <, i:....; :G .' • " " j'{ .';).1 '(l1 .n .~. .\ "'" '7]i "t., ~ "'. .. . :r.J..-o'.J !I' ~.p .J' "",~ .J

"To AI/tilt 1»10"6' tit, kingdom of tM ",,"'ItS ,,,,,I fit, ' ''''f • . II,

CUQteJ 11',,"1 lie wills, lit MstOWJ female (offspl'ing) upon ... hom Ht

lI'ill!, fl/fd beslolfls mille (olftpr;ng) llpon w"om He l/'iUs. O,lIe bel/ows

both males fl/fd females, fl/fd Ile ,enikn blUu n lI'''om He wi/b. "-erily,

lit jJ tltt AII· Know" und is Able to do all thingl," (A,h-Shiiri, 49·50)

In order that the Prophet $, may uproot this pre-Islamic

practice from such weak souls, he gave girls a special mention in

his sayings and ordered the fathers and guardians to treat them

well, care fo r them, and look after them so that they may qualify

for Allah's Blessings and enter Paradise. Muslim related that

Anas Ibn Malik '" said that the Prophet tj: said, .. Wlwsoe~er

spo.1sors two girls ( daughters) unlillhey grow up, Ite lIIill be lIIilh

me in Parwlise like Ihal ( brillging tlllO of his fingen close

togelher).'" Imam A~mad, in his Musnad, related that 'Uqbah

Ibn 'Amir Al-Juhaniyy said that he heard the Prophet's

saying,"Whos<><,oer had three daughters and was 1'''';P1It w;lh

Ihem, pro.ided Ihem with foo(i and c/olhes from /ris own money,

Ihey will sheller him from lire Hell-fire."

So those who raise children must fo llow these prophetic

instructions and Islamic teachings relating to the incumbency of

caring fo r girl>, and implementing ju.tice and equity between them

and the males, so thai they may sain Allah 's Blessings, and a

garden the breadth whereof is as th~ breadth of the heavens and

the earth.

D, TlIe virtue of .. honH.'ver endures IUs child's death

When a Muslim reaches a high degree of f

believ!s in predestination, whether good or bad, bitter or sweet, he

renounces all happenings and disasters and surrenders to Allah's

Divine Decree. Accordingly, the Prophet tf; said, whoever is

bercilled of a son, and has palience, Md kups "aying , " To Allah we

belong, (md II> lIim i.< our relum," Alklh will buili/a house for him in

ParadiS/' called ( The /louse of Thanir;sgiving)."

At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Hibban lelaled Ihal Abu Musa AI·

Asha'riy .. said that the Prophet $: said, "When a man's child

dies, Allah III says 10 lIis Angd.: }faye yOll loken the so1l1 of Illy

bondman's child? They reply. Yes. fie says, lIa ve you laken his

licari's/mit? Tiley say, Yes_ He .Whal did he say? '/ 'hey say, lie

praised yOll and said, To AI/ah we belong. and 10 flim is our relllrn."

lie says 10 them: Build a house for my bondman in Paradise and call

il Ihe hou.of lIJ(1nhgiying. Such poriena yields many fruiu which

the palielll and content person reaps. Amollg Ihem is Ihal il leads 10

Paradise and is a sheller from Ife//fire."

A I. Bu ~iiri and Muslim related that Abu Sa'id AI·Khudri .:G;.

said that the Prophet once said tCl women. " Ally of you gels

buea')~i/ of Ihre~ chil.Jr~II, Ihey will cerly be a shel'~r for her

f rom Hell fire. The woman asked: and two? He said, and IWO.

Also among the rruits or patience ;s that Ihe child who dies

young, intercedes ror his parents on the Day of Judgement. Imam

A~mad, An· Nasa'; and Ibn Hibbii.1 related that Abu Dharr .:G;.

31 Pan Doe

said that the Prophet 3: said, "Any two MUJ/im paUIIIS Ih(l/ gel

bereaved of three children who have no/ (reached the age of)

camil/ing £in£, Allah will let them enter Paradise due 10 Hi£ Mercy

towards them. And Muslim related, in his Sahih that Abi Hassan

said, "I was bereaved of two children, so I said to Abu Humirab

l§,: Have you heard a saying from the Prophet $ that may give u~

condolence for OUT dead? He said, Yes. The young among them are

the young of Pamdise, each one of them fo llows his father (or said;

his parents) and holds his father's garment or hand as I hold your

garment, and never leaves him until they enter Paradise together."

Among the raithfu[ stance shown by the women of the Prophet's

companions which demonstrates patience and contentment when

bereaved of a child is Umm Salim's wonderful stance. Here is her

story: Al-Bu~~ari and Muslim rela ted that Anas 4;.. said, AbG Tal~ab

had 3 son who was suffering from illness, and his son died when he

was not at home, When he came back, he asked about his son, and

his wife said: He is in his utmost rest-meaning that he died, but

AbU Tal~ah understood that he was getting better. Then he ate the

dinner which she se rved to him, She then made herself up in a way

she had never done before, and so he slept with her. When she saw

thai he was well satisfied, she said, 0 Abu Tal~ah, te ll me what you

think if some people lend others something, then they asked fo r it,

may they be deprived of it? He said, No, So she said: Then, ask

Allah for reward, meaning that his son died, The sub-narrator said ,

He was angry and blamed her for letting him sleep with her,

becoming impure, then telling him about his son, He headed to the

Prophet ~ and totd him the story. The Prophet $ supported what

Umm Salim had done, then he said "May Allah blcS.f yaur night" or

said, "May Allah blcs£ /hcm UQ/h, " The woman gave birth to a boy,

and the Prophet $ named him Abdullah. A man from Al-An ~ar

said, "I saw nine of Abdullah's sons, all of them learnt the Qur'an

by heart," This was only for Allah's response to the Prophet's

invocation, when he said, "/llay Allah bless Ihem bQlh."

So paretlls arc strongly recommended to have faith, certitude

and patience, so that if they encountered any calamity, they would

never lose patience, In case they were bereaved of a child, they

would never be sad, but would keep repeating" To Allah surely we

belong, and to Him, surely, is our return, to Him belongs what He

took, and to Him belongs what He gave, and He sct a term for

everything,"

E. Giving prei:edence to the interests or Islam over loving children

Although the parent's hearts are overwhelmed with these true

feelings of love. mercy, pity, and sympathy, these feelings should

not override taking the responsibility for calling to Alb h and

striving in I'lis Cause because the inlersts of Islam precede all other

in terests and considerations, and because establishing an Islamic

society and guiding mankind is the fa ithful person's aim and ta rget

in this life,

That is what was apprehended by the first generation of the

PTophet's Companions'" and the ones who closely followed suit.

They had no target but Islam, Jihad and calling to Alhih's Cause,

and gave precedence to Ji/uid and calling \0 Allah's Cause over

loving spouses, chlldren, one's abode, and kinsmen. They obeyed

Allah's saying,

1;~ Z !P.'; r;r;:iI J:;:1; ,t3~:. ~i.t ~::;v ~jr:;t ~I: ~~ oJ!. jl, .~- I H~ ,4? . '-':. ' , . ~ j;l "' . ',.._..,. ~p ...• Y~',J-" ~;a

~ ~; _"iii r;ll oJ';:;' -1 ~t .:v\ ~l ""'-j\

"Sa)': If ),ou, fat/IUS, )'ou, sons , you, bMthe,s, you, wiFe$, you,

kindud, th" w"alth that you have gained. tM COmmerce in w/tich you

i"ar a decline, and the dwellings in which )'OU delight au dea,er to

you tMn AUtih and Ilis MesJenger , lmd Jtl'i~ing hard IIIIdfiglrting in

fliJ Caust. then Imit until IIl1jjh bringJ about His Du irion

( tor"",,,' ). A"d Aillib guides nor rite people "'''0 are AI-FiUiq/in ( lite

rebellious, disobt-diem to Alllib)." (Al.Tawbah. 24)

F. Puuishing and temporari ly alienating a child for educatioual purposes

1, lam has it, own way of refonning and raising children. If

giving remarks and admonition is enough, the parent is not entitled

to temporarily alienate his child, and if the laner is enough 0, e, to

rdorm him), thcn the parent is not entitled 10 resort to beating. But

if all these means failed in refonning him then the parent may

resort to moderate bealing.

A\ -B u~ari and Mushm related that 'Amr Ibn Abu Salamah 41-

said eonccrning instructing and admonishing a o:;hild . . " was u

young boy in tho:; prt:St!m:c of Allah's Messenger and my hand used

to go around Ihe dish while r was eating, so Allah's Messenger 3

said to me: '0 boy, me11lio" Ihe nome of Allah, and Col wilh yO ~T

righl hand, and eal from the dish Ihat is nearer /0 you.' Al-Bukhilri

and Muslim related from Sahl Ibn Sa'd.;Go. that Allah's Messenger

$; was offered something to drink. He drank from It whIle on his

right there was a young boy, and on his left tho:;re were some elderly

people. The Messenger of Allah said to the young boy (as a

compliment), 'May I give 10 Ihese (elderly people) first:>' The boy

said, ' By Allah, 0 AlIah's Messenger I will not give up my share

from you 10 anyone else. On Ihat, Allah's Messenger placed Ihe

cup in the hand of the boy." ThaI 'ooy was 'Abdullah Ibn Abbag.

Concerning temporarily alienating a child, AI·Bukhiiri and

Muslim related that Abu Sa'id'" said. "Allah's Mcssnger forbade

the throwing of stones with the index finger and the thumb, and

said that 'if neifher hurts, nor does it harm an enemy, but il gouges

oul an eye, Or breaks a looth.'

Another narration says tha t a relative of Ibn Mug-h-affal, a

minor, threw a stone wilh his index finger and thumb, Ibn

Mughaffal forbade him from doing so, and said that Allah's

Messeng~r forbade throwing stones with the index finger and

thumb saying that it does not hurt, but the boy did it again. The

narrator said to him, "I tell you that Allah's Messenger forbade it,

and you do it once more? I will never talk to you agai n."

Concerning beating a child, Abu Dawud and AI·Hii kim related

that 'Amr Ibn Shu'ayb's father and grandfather said that Allah's

Messenger said, "lnSlrUCI your children 10 aI/end 10 prayerJ al Ihe

age ofJe~en, and bea/them (for abondoning ill at the age of len, (llJd

do not let them (male and female sihlingJ) slup together,"

These ph.r ases of Hlstruction appl.v to cbildren in their childhood

and adolescence, but in the stage ofyoUlh, the way ofrefonn ~nd

teaching manners change, That is, in case a child does not respvnd

to persuasion, admonition, and guidance, the educator must res:>rt

to alienating the child as long as he inclines to immorality and

perversity, Here are some telllS that support this view:

AI-Bukhiiri, in the section on "Wkal is aI/awed of abandoning the

disobeditnt ", related that when Ka'b failed to take part in the

Ghazwah (Battle) of Tabuk, Allah's Messenger forbade people

from talking to us for fifty nights until the earth, spacious as it is,

became ,traitened for them, and tbeir souls became straitened for

them, aDd no one spoke to them, y-eeted them, or joined them,

until Allah accepted their repentance which wa< mentioned in His

Book, Allah's Messenger $ alienated some of his wives for a

month to rebuke and refonn them, 'Abdulliih Ibn 'Umar alienated

a son of his, because he did not implement a Prophetic lIadilh

narrated to him by his father, in which Allah's Messenger forblde

men from preventing women from !oing to the mosque,

This applies to a fa ithful Muslim child, But in case he denounced

Islam, the least thing the parent is motivated by faith and the

Qur'an to do is to declare himself free of him, Allah !it said:

J;ti:- y.; t'i..:-» 011 ';\:,';:. ;;: ~~~ ~~( ..;J~ ,;.~ "";J. G) j ~ ~ ~

36 r. .. 0""

-f ~~ :~ :) ~· 'I'.,:;'l ,;1 ~;~ j1 r-::.~~I:

" You (0 Muhommad ~) will not find any fH'op/~ who bdi~,'~ in

Allah and the Lost Day, making friendship with those who oppOJe

Allah Ilnd lIis Messenger (Muhammad $) el'en though they ... ..,e

thtir jllth..,s, Or their sons, or 'heir fnothers, or 'heir kindred

(fH'op/~)." (AI·Muj'dalah. 22)

There are many olher texiS re lated to this view that show that

al ien atin g children and kinsmen when they insist on disbelief, is a

requirement of faith and belief, because Islam is Ihe bond of

brotherhood which must precede any other bond.

In this chapter. "The Psy~hological Feelings towards Children,"

we have pointed out that some of them may be in st inctive and

innate in the parents' hearts such as the feel ings of love, tenderness,

kindness and merq. Without these feelings, the enaclmenl of

Allah's law would nOI have been established, as to preserving the

human race. Parents would nOI have beeo molivated 10 care for

their children and bring them up, and the family would not have

been uni ted. coherent, or well-cstablished. We have also shown

that some other feelings arcjahili),o (pre- Islamic practice), such as

di sl iking girls. And you have seen how Islam tackled this

abominable custom so that the parents' feehngs towards boys

and girls may be the same, wilhout preference or discrimination.

You have also seen that some of these feelings are motivated by

general interests, sueh as gi ving precedence to Jihad and 10 the call

to Allah over loving spouses and children. Also that some of them

are educational, such as admonishing, rebuking, al ienating and

punishing a child. You have seen that Islam went through

successive stages of tcaching mannerS i.e. admonishmg, alienating

and finally modemtc bealing. These are the outlines concerning

some of the Islamic teachings relaling to bringing up chI ldren .

reforming them and raising them in sound, straighl manncrs.

Chapter Three

General Rules COllCcrnin, the New-boTIl lJaby

llIe First Part

What tlJt, Parent Does at Childbirt~

I, The: n!commelldatioll of givi llg glad tidillgs l lld congratulatiollS at

childbi rth:

It is recommended for a Muslim to take the in itiative 10 please

his Muslim brother in case he had a newborn baby by giving him

glad ti dings and making him happy_ In case he missed giving him

glad tid ings, he must congratulate him and pray for him and his

newborn baby. The Noble Qur'an ,Iated several times to give glad

tidings to those having newborn babies in order to guide Muslims

and leach them 10 do the same. In doing so, il has a powerful effect

on strengthening bonus of tove am,,"!: Muslim fami lies, Allah ..

said in Ibrahim's story $.:

($I':""';' ~;,: 14. J 4 G ~ J~ d: Yl.i ....:J~"\ ~l 11:.,;.:..~.lli; t

--: Jl u..:l-CI ...:..;,[ 'l1)~ U;.. .,: '''':\' .'~ PI S; '1 -" ...1. 1:' U

y ~~;;; :;;':'1 ,T;;'~,; j~-:.I~:1':Z; ~j ~t ~t:G ~ }j

"And perify, there came Our MelSengers to Ibrllhim (Abrahllm)

",ith glud tidings. They suid: Sul,u", (gree,ings or pellU!) Ht

anlliued, Salilam (greetings or Mau !) und M "astened to entertuill

t/u", ",it" a roasUd culf. But Ii'heN /u sa", tlleir ha"ds went ItOI

to",..,dJ it (the meul), lie mistrusted t"em, and conceioed a f eW' of

them. They suid: 'Fear nor, ..... ha~~ been stnt aguinst the people of

!.ii, nol)." And his ",ife Ii'as sra~ding (there), and she luughti

(eilller, becau"e the Mesungers did not eat lheir food (H f(H bem,

gladf(H the destruction of lilt peoplt of Lit (Lot)) But We ga.e her

glad tidings of Ishtiq (Isaac), und aft~r 15111iq, of Ya'qiib (Jacob)."

(HUd, 69·71). And Allah \Ii said in Zakariyya's story:

.. ~, -'l;g ~{ :;! ,>,~i 4 J"'~ ;:p ~~ l$'ji'ii :'TI ,

"TAe" the "ngels called him, while he lI'as standing;n prllj'er in AIMihrab

( a. prayillg place or a private room), (saying): "Allah givu

)'oa glad tidings 0/ Yahya {Jl'lrn) ... " (AI ' tmran, 39)

And also in another verse:

.L \{ ~. 1-<, ,j ,-:"5. .\ ,~ "', ,,~_ ,;j'_-': ~1 ~/ ;~ ). "I: __ <» o.J'! " ~ r' ..".-, r---- ~ '-'=. ". y

"( AUtih said) "0 Zakuriy)'Q (Zuchariah)! Verily, We give ),ou

the gkld tidings ofa son, ",hose ,,"mt! will be Yahy" (John). We have

given t11(~t ,,"mt! to none before {him}." (Maryam, 7)

AI-Bu~iiri mentioned that when Ihe Prophet e was hom,

Thuwaybah gave glad tidings of his birth to his uncle AbU Lahab,

who was her master, and said 10 him, " Abdullah bas been given a

boy tonight. So Abii Lahab set her free out of happiness with the

news. Allah 'iJi rewarded him for thai as he Itt him drink afier his

death from the little hollow between his thumb and his other fingers.

As-Suhayll mentioned that AI-Abbas said, " [ saw Abu Lahab in

the worst state; in my dream a year aCter his death; he said: 'I have

never been in comfort since r lert you, except that the punishment

becomes less painful evcry Monday i. c. the day on which the

Prophet $. was born, and Thuwaybah gave glad tidings of his

birth, and Abu Lahab was happy about it."

Concerning giving congratulations on the birth of a child, Imam

Ibn Al-Qayyim quoted Abu 8 akr Ibn AI-Munin his book

'The Gift of Ihe Beloved" as saying, "We quoted AI-Hasan AIBasrl

as saying, 'that a man came to him, while in his presence was

a man with a newborn boy, the man said, 'May Allah bless your

knight.' So AI.J:lasan said to him, 'How can you tell whether he

will be a knight or a donkeY/' He said, 'Then, what should I say?'

Al-J:lasan said, 'Say May Allah bless your gift, and may you thank

the Giver, and be dutifu l, and may hc (i.e. the boy) grow up wen."

These good tidings and congratulations must be extended to

every newborn child, whether it is a boy or a girl.

2, R cco mmend~ti o n of uring [he AdMn a rM! Iqiimuh in the

nelltlorn's ear

Among the rules laid down by Islam for a newborn child is [0

S;ty the Atj~Ii" in his right car and Iq6malr in his lell ear

immediately after he is born. Abu D:1wud and At-Tirmidhi

related Ihat Abu Riifl' said, " I saw Allah's Messenger saying adhim

in AI -I:'a san Ibn Ali's car when Fa ~lmah gave birth to him_"

According to Ibn Al-Qayyim's book, the secret behind saying the

A,/~611 and fqamah is that it is the 1iTS! thing that a human being

hears. Thcy are the words of the Supreme Colli which contains Al lah's

magnificence and glory, and the shahtidah which represents his lirst

step into Islam. So this is like an in~lruction fur him as he starts this

life, similar 10 that of the instruction Tall"~id (Oneness) he is given

when his life ends. We du not exclude lhal his heart may bendit from

Ihe A1~ui/l though he may not feci it, as well as achieving :lnother

benelil. that is. pushing Satan away by the words of the Ad/,ii".

although he (Satan) was awaiting his birth_ His Satan learns of what

weakens him, and teases him once he gets close to him.

Another symbol rests there, i.e. (calling him 10 Allah's way),

religion and worshIp before Satan call, him to his own way. The

innateness upon which Allah has originated mankind Wi'~ there

berore Satan changed it and turned man away from it. Many other

meanings and symbols lie within the words of the Adlultl.

3. Recommending Tah"fk for the baby ooce he is born

Ta~l",k means to .. hew a dale, then to rub the newborn's mouth

with it by putting a lillIe or the chewed date on the fingertip, and

then inserting it into the baby's mouth. You then move it gently to

the right and left, until the whole mouth is rubbed with the chewed

dale. If dates arc nOI available, any sweet food may tlo. The

rationale behind litis may be strengthening the mouth musdes by

exercising the tongue and the mouth, preparing the b.1by for

40 1'", On<

sucking his mother's b reast~ during nursing. It is also recommended

that T"~nik be done by a piou~ ;I!ld righteous man for

seeking his blessings ;I!ld hopmg that the baby may grow up 10 be

righteous and pious. Among the fladilhs that the scholars quoted

for recommending T"!,,,Ik are:

It is mentioned in the SIIMha)'l! that Abl! Burdah related that

Abu Musa 40 said, " I had a baby, and [ took him to the I'rophet

~ and the Prophet ~ called him Ibrahim, made Tall"Ik to him

with a date and asked Allah to bless him, and returned hIm to me,

Also, it is mentioned in As-SahihaYl/ tbat Abu Talhah said to

Anas Ibn Malik, "Take him (i,e. thc baby) to thc Prophet 4: and

send some dates with him, The Prophet ~ took him and iish-d, 'Is

there lUIything ,..ith him?' They said, Yes, some dates, The Prophet

$ took the dales and chewed them, thcn look them from his mouth

and put them inlo the baby's mouth and called him 'Abdullah."

4, II:tcommendalion of shaving the baby's head

Among the rules laid down by Islam for Ihe newborn baby IS to

~have his head on his sevenlh day and to give its weight in gold or

~ilver to the poor and needy. The mtionale behind this is twofold:

The first is related to the baby's health, Shaving his head

strengthens him as well as opens the pores on his head, The

sewnd is social, as giving the weight of h,s hair in money to the

poor is a kind of social solidarity and cooperation.

Among the l!aJiths that the scholars quoted for recommending

shaving the bab¥'s hair and giving its weight in silver to the poor are:

In AI·Muwat!a', Malik related that Ja'rar Ibn Muh:lmmad's

father said, " Fatimah ..~. weighed the hair of AI-Hasan, Al-I:!usayn,

Zaynab and Umm Kulthum and gave its weight in silver to the

poor. And Yahyft Ibn llaklr related that Anas Ibn Miihk ~ s;tid

that the Prophet $ ordered Al-J::LlSan and AI-I:!usayn's hair be

shaved on their seve nth day. So it was done, and tbe weight of their

hair was given in silver to the poor,"

The Scwnd Pa ri

Naming the Baby and its Rules

I. When should a baby be namctl?

Collectors of SlII!IIah related that Samurah s;\id. the Prophet ~

5.'lid .. , Every child i.. baunJ /0 have 'oIf1qail, /0 be s/oughlere(J for

him. and is gi>en a nmtle. alld hus his hl'ad shmed. all on his serallil

da)'." This ',Iadi/h shows that naming a ehild is to be done on his

seventh day.

There a re some other authentic 'fodilh.! that show that a newly

hom child can be n:lm~'d on the day of his birth. Among them is

Muslim in his Sat,,?! quoting Anas,..:IS saying tha t the Prophet 4:

said, "A boy hus been bornfor me tonighl and I named him afler my

anceslor Ibriihi'm." It is deducted from these /ladi/hs that we hilve a

choice. So a baby I;an be named on his first day. or his third day. or

we can relegate it to his '(,qiqah day i.e. the seventh day. It can al,o

be done before or after thaI.

2. RCC(lmmcnded names and disJikd names

A pment must pay great attention to select ing a name for his

newly born child by choosing the most beautiful name, following

our Prophet's guidance. Abu Dawld related that Abu Ad·D;lrda

said that the Prophet it sa id. "Yo~ \\'ill be called all/he Doonuday

by you, nallles, amI ),OU, fathers names. so chaosI' nice names." And

Muslim related, in his Sa~if1, that Ibn 'Umar .;Gi. said th at the

Prophet Ii: said. ''The best of your r.allleJ II> A If,," are' A bdulfiih 1It111

'Abdur-Rahmiin . ..

The fathcr must avoid an ugly name thaI may inju re his dignity

and be a reason for making fun 0: him, The Prophct 3: used to

change the ugly namos, ',,'cording 10 whal AI,Tirmidhi quoled

'Aishah ~. At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah related that Ibn 'Umar

4;i. said Ihat a daughter of 'Umar's was Cll lled 'Asiyah (disob..'di~nt)

42 ~===================== P." o.e

and the Prophet 4: called her lamiluh (beautiful). Abu Dawud

said that Al1iih's Messenger $ changed the names of AI-'Asi.

'Aui . ·Uqfah. Shuy!rin. AI.1Jakam. llnd IJabbdb and gave

Ihe name Silm (i.c. peace) 10 a man called ~/{Jrb (i,e. war), A/Munhailil

to a man called AI-Muljaji. Bani AI-Ri.