All the Bright Places

VIOLET
The weekend
By now, the wandering is really an excuse to drive somewhere and make out.
I tell myself I’m not ready because to me sex is a Big Deal, even if some of
my friends have been doing it since ninth grade. But the thing is, my body
feels this strange, urgent tug toward Finch like it can’t get enough. I add a
category to my 
Germ
board—
Sex Life
—and write a few pages in our
wandering notebook, which is slowly turning into my journal/sounding
board/place to brainstorm material for the new webzine.
Before Amanda and I stopped being peripheral semi-friends, I remember
sleeping over at her house and talking to her older brothers. They told us that
girls who Do are sluts and girls who Don’t are teases. Those of us who were
there that night took this to heart, because none of the rest of us had older
brothers. When we were by ourselves again, Amanda said, “The only way
around
it is to stay with one guy forever.” But does forever have a built-in
ending …?
Finch picks me up Saturday morning, and he looks a little battered. We
don’t even drive that far, just to the Arboretum, where we park the car, and
before he reaches for me, I say, “What happened with Roamer?”
“How’d you hear about Roamer?”
“Ryan told me. And it’s kind of obvious you were in a fight.”
“Does it make me look hotter?”
“Be serious. What happened?”
“Nothing you need to worry about. He was being an asshole. Big surprise.
Now, if we’re done talking about him, I’ve got other things on my mind.” He
climbs into the back of Little Bastard and pulls me after him.
I feel like I’m living for these moments—the moments when I’m just about
to lie down beside him, when I know it’s getting ready to happen, his skin on
mine, his mouth on mine, and then when he’s touching me and the electric
current is shooting through me everywhere. It’s like all the other hours of the
day are spent looking forward to right now.
We kiss until my lips are numb, stopping ourselves at the very edge of
Someday, saying not yet, not here, even though it takes willpower I didn’t
know I had. My mind is spinning with him and with the unexpected Almost
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of today.
When he gets home, he writes me a message: