All the Bright Places

VIOLET
February 2
Mrs. Kresney folds her hands and smiles her too-broad smile. “How are you,
Violet?”
“I’m fine, and you?”
“I’m fine. Let’s talk about you. I want to know how you’re feeling.”
“I’m good actually. Better than I’ve been in a long time.”
“Really?” She’s surprised.
“Yes. I’ve even started writing again. And riding in a car.”
“How are you sleeping?”
“Pretty well, I think.”
“Any bad dreams?”
“No.”
“Not even one?”
“Not in a while now.”
For the first time, it’s the truth.
* * *
In Russian lit, Mrs. Mahone assigns us a five-page paper on Turgenev’s
Fathers and Sons
. She looks at me, and I don’t mention anything about
Extenuating Circumstances or not being ready. I copy down the notes like
everyone else. Afterward, Ryan says, “Can I talk to you?”
Mrs. Mahone watches as I walk on by her. I give her a wave. “What’s up?”
I say to Ryan.
We go out into the hallway and are swept along with the sea of people.
Ryan takes my hand so he doesn’t lose me, and I’m like, 
Oh God
. But then
there’s a little break in the crowd and he lets go. “Where are you headed
next?”
“Lunch.”
We walk together, and Ryan says, “So I just wanted to let you know that I
asked Suze out. I thought you should hear it from me before it got all over
school.”
“That’s great.” I almost say something about Finch, but then I’m not sure
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what to say because I don’t know what we are or if we’re anything. “Thanks
for telling me. I hope Suze knows what a good guy you are.”
He nods, gives me his signature smile—I can see the dimple—and then
says, “I don’t know if you heard, but Roamer went after Finch today in gym.”
“What do you mean ‘went after’?”
“Whatever. Banged him up a little. Roamer’s an asshole.”
“What happened? Like, to them? Did they get expelled?”
“I don’t think so. It was Kappel’s class, and he’s not going to report
Roamer and risk losing him for practice. I gotta go.” A few steps away, he
turns. “Finch didn’t even try to defend himself. He just stood there and took
it.”
In the cafeteria, I walk past my regular table, past Amanda and Roamer and
the audience gathered there. I can hear Roamer talking, but I can’t hear what
he’s saying.
I walk to the other side of the room, toward a half-empty table, but then
behind me I hear my name. Brenda Shank-Kravitz is sitting with the three
Brianas and a dark-haired girl named Lara at a round table by the window.
“Hey,” I say. “Do you mind if I join you?” I feel like I’m the new girl
again, trying to make friends and figure out where I fit.
Brenda picks up her backpack and sweater and keys and phone and all the
other things that are spilled across the table and dumps them onto the floor. I
set my tray down and sit next to her.
Lara is so small, she looks like a freshman, even though I know we’re in
the same class. She is telling the story of how, just five minutes ago, she
accidentally, without meaning to, told her crush she loved him. Instead of
crawling under the table, she just laughs and keeps eating.
Then the Brianas are talking about life after high school—one is a
musician, one is planning to be a copy editor, and the other is practically
engaged to her longtime boyfriend. She says she might run a cookie shop one
day or write book reviews, but whatever she does, she’s going to enjoy
everything she can while she can. The boyfriend joins us, and the two of them
sit side by side looking comfortable and happy and like they really might be
together forever.
I eat and listen, and at some point Brenda leans over and says in my ear,
“Gabe Romero is poison.” I raise my water bottle and she raises her soda can.
We tap them together and drink.
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