Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

you
don’t get played.
How do you do this? Start by making the man be really clear 
up
front
about what he wants out of his life and his relationship 
with you. You do this by asking him these key five questions—
questions that will help you determine right away what values 
this guy has and how you fit into his plans. I devised these ques-
tions after years of watching men play women, and women fall-
ing for it, and constantly asking myself and even some of my 
friends who are masters at the game, “If I were a woman, how 
could I avoid all of this?” They’re great questions, too—the 
answers will tell you everything you need to know about this 
guy in your life or the guy you hope to have in your life. Asking 
these questions will help you determine whether you should 

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stick around to see where your relationship goes, or if you 
should run really fast in the opposite direction. Note: There’s 
no need to delay asking these questions—ask them right away, 
as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man 
you’ve met. If he’s turned off by the questions, so what: you have 
the right to the information. And if he isn’t willing to answer 
them, well you know from the gate he’s not the one for you.
So let’s just get started with the questions. Remember: No. 
Fear.
If you’re going to get into a relationship with a man, you 
should know what his plans are and how they fit into the key 
elements that make a man—who he is, what he does, and how 
much he makes. These three things, as I’ve already told you, are 
extremely important to any mature, grown man, and you have 
every right to know what he’s doing right now, and what he’s 
planning over the next three to five years, to be the real, grown 
man he wants to be. His answer also will help you determine 
whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. You’ll know 
to throw up your much-needed red flag if he doesn’t have a 
plan at all.

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If he’s got a plan, well great. Act like you’re superinter-
ested and ask follow-up questions—be the inquisitive, en-
thusiastic detective that you are. Men love to talk about 
themselves. We do this because we know that in order to 
catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. 
The more inquisitive and interested you are, the more infor-
mation he’ll give you. Say things like, “Wow, how did you 
get into that field?” or “How interesting—what does it take 
to make that successful?” And listen carefully. The whole 
time he’s talking, you should be evaluating whether he’s ac-
tually working hard to meet his goals or if he’s a lazy dreamer 
just talking a whole lot of nonsense. You should also be fig-
uring out if you see yourself in that short-term plan; if you 
know what his plan is, you can immediately assess if you 
want to be part of it and what role you can play in it, or if 
you need to remove yourself from that equation. For in-
stance, if he says, “I’m a technician for the cable company, 
but I’m going to college at night to earn my B.A. in engi-
neering so that I can move up the ranks at my job,” then you 
know this guy has a plan and he’s executing it. Maybe you 
can even see yourself helping him study or being there for 
him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to 
transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs 
the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for 
the cable company. The point is, he has a plan and he’s work-
ing toward it, which means that he’s trying to be the man he 

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wants to be—the kind that just might fit in line with what 
you’re looking for in a good, solid mate.
But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells 
you something crazy, like “I’m in street pharmaceuticals, and 
right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years 
is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to 
Brown Street,” well, then you know right then and there that 
you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to 
the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan 
to implement them. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a 
producer, but he’s not doing anything in the field to actually 
become one—he’s not interning or working for a film com-
pany, he’s not writing or reading any scripts, he’s not making 
any connections in the industry that might open some doors for 
him, he hasn’t worked for four months and has no prospects of 
a job in the field he says he’s interested in—then you know this 
man doesn’t have a plan. And if he doesn’t have a plan, he’s not 
going to achieve his short-term goal—or it’s really not a goal, 
he’s just talking out of his behind. Either way, you may not 
want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Sure, there’s 
a chance that he might get it together and make it in the indus-
try, but why do you have to sign up for that? If he’s got this 
whole pie-in-the-sky dream, figure out if he’s lying there look-
ing at the stars, or if he’s got a jet pack strapped to his back and 
he’s about to take off to go grab that dream.

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Trust me on this: a man who really has a vision for where he 
wants to see himself in ten years has looked into his future and 
seriously considered what it’ll take for him to get there. It means 
he has foresight, and he’s plotting out the steps to his future. If 
he says something silly like “I’m just trying to make it day by 
day,” run. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term 
plan, get out. Immediately. Because his answer tells you that he 
hasn’t thought his life through, or he doesn’t see you in it and 
so he has no reason to divulge the details to you. All he’s got for 
you is game. If he doesn’t have a plan, why do you want him to 
stick around, anyway?
The man you should consider spending a little time on is the 
one who has a plan—a well-thought-out plan that you can see 
yourself in. Because please believe me when I tell you—and 
like I told you in an earlier chapter—a man always has a plan. I 
know I did when I first started working as a comedian. I knew 
before I even told my first joke in front of an audience that 
within the next five years, my goal was to become a headliner 
and make at least $2,500 a week. With my eye on that prize, I 
was soon making $2,500 a week, and happy about it, too. Still, 
I wanted to become a headliner, and I upped the ante: now I 
wanted to make $5,000 to $7,500 per week. It took me about 
eight years, but I managed to meet my financial goal—and I 
was happy about that, too.

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And then I met Sinbad.
Now at the time, Sinbad was working at a comedy club in 
Birmingham, where he’d become so large, he was making 
$50,000 to $70,000 a week at this one particular club. Every. 
Seven. Days. And I knew I wanted a piece of that action. His 
success made me realize that there was something to this 
comedy thing—that I needed to set in place a long-term plan 
that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible 
for a comedian. I wanted to get on