Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Steve Harvey Morning Show
receives from its 
listeners— sent in by a woman who clearly was just starting to 
realize she was nothing more than a plaything:
I have been seeing this man for six months and every-
thing seemed cool until January of this year. We’ve 
gone out and visited each other’s homes, but all of a 
sudden, he’s stopped calling and when I call him, he 
seems excited, but then he is very short with me. He 
plans trips and cancels them. And when I ask him if we 
should cut off all communication, he says “no.” But he 
doesn’t act like he wants to be bothered. I don’t know 
what happened, and I still like him, but it just bothers 
me to know that something could be on his mind that 
he is not sharing with me or maybe he has found a 
woman and wants to keep me in his back pocket.

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He’s sport fishing, and in her heart, she knows this. But she’s 
still trying to hang in there and see if he’s going to do right by 
her. Any woman in this situation should just leave that guy 
alone. Instead of investing all this time and energy in a man 
who can’t and won’t live up to your expectations, let that guy 
walk. And then when the next man comes along, take control 
and let him know your ground rules up front (see my chapter 
“Men Respect Standards—Get Some”): “I don’t take phone 
calls after 10 
P
.
M
.
, because my kids are asleep and I’m getting 
my rest”; “I appreciate a man who shows up when he says he’s 
going to show up and calls when he’s going to be late”; and “I 
don’t have sex with anyone until I’m sure that we are in a seri-
ous, committed relationship—no casual sex for me” are all ac-
ceptable ground rules for any man coming at you. If those 
ground rules are too much for him, he’s going to walk away 
because he’s sport fishing.
If, however, he has something going for himself, and he 
knows that in order to complete his life he needs a woman who 
has something going for herself, he’s going to stick around and 
keep the conversation going. That’s the man who is willing to 
put in work—who knows that he’s not going to just romance 
you, get what he wants, and walk away. That guy right there? 
He’s your man. He’s fishing for a keeper, and after he’s proven 
himself worthy of your time, then you can let him take you on 
home, fillet you, put some cornmeal on you, fry you up, and 
serve you up on a delicious plate.

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Need more examples of differences between sports fish and 
keepers? Read on:
A woman who commands respect is a keeper; a 
woman who lets men get away with disrespecting her 
is a throwback.
A woman who is dressed appropriately—has her 
goodies reasonably covered, but is still sexy, is a 
keeper; a woman who is scantily clad and dripping sex 
is a throwback.
A woman who won’t let you feel all over her body 
while you’re dancing is a keeper; a woman who drops 
it like it’s hot and puts on a dance floor performance 
that would make video vixen Karrine Steffans blush is 
a throwback.
A woman who takes a man’s number but doesn’t give 
him her own is a keeper; a woman who hands out her 
home, work, and cell phone numbers and e-mail and 
home addresses to a man who’s done nothing more 
than buy her a drink and ask how he can reach her is 
a throwback.

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A woman who can hold a respectful, respectable 
conversation with a man and his mother is a keeper; a 
woman who shudders at the prospect of having to talk 
to the matriarch of a man’s family is a throwback.
A woman who can adapt to any situation thrown at 
her—she can hold her own at the PTA meeting, in 
the boardroom, in a restaurant, at a sporting event— 
is a keeper; a woman who can’t put together a 
coherent sentence or makes it clear she has no interest 
in doing so is a throwback.
A woman who knows she wants to be married and 
raise a family and lets a man know this up front 
is a keeper; a woman who doesn’t have a plan for 
her relationship life beyond next weekend is a 
throwback.
A woman whom we can introduce to our friends and 
family is a keeper; a woman we don’t even bother 
introducing to our friends or family is a throwback.
A woman who smiles and takes care of herself and is 
generally happy with her life is a keeper; a woman 
who doesn’t take care of herself and is sour all the 
time, has an attitude wider than all the ocean, and 

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doesn’t hesitate to lay somebody out for the slightest 
transgression is a throwback.
A woman who shows her appreciation for all that you 
do for her is a keeper; a woman who acts like nothing 
you do can make her happy is a throwback.
A woman who is loyal is a keeper; a woman who 
always has her eye out for the next best thing is a 
throwback.
A woman who understands that a man validates his 
manhood by who he is, what he does, and how much 
he makes, and who knows how to finesse her 
relationship so that her man feels like he’s handling 
his business is a keeper; a woman who wields her 
paycheck and influence like a sword and belittles his 
career and financial contributions is a throwback.
 
H
If his conversation with you is extremely superficial, 
and never seems to graduate beyond the surface, he’s 
sport fishing; if he genuinely seems interested in your 

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needs, life, desires, and future, then he’s looking for a 
keeper.
If he laughs off your requirements and standards, then 
he’s sport fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your 
rules, and actually follows through on them, then he’s 
looking for a keeper.
If he takes your phone number but waits longer than 
twenty-four hours to call, he’s sport fishing; if he calls 
you right away, he’s showing that he’s genuinely 
interested in you, and is most likely looking for a 
keeper.
If he takes you out on a date and lets you pay, or only 
kicks in his portion of the bill, he’s sport fishing; if he 
pays the bill, he’s showing that he’s willing to provide 
for you, which means he’s likely looking for a keeper.
If he tells you he’s going to be somewhere at a certain 
time, and he consistently shows up late without so 
much as the courtesy of a phone call, he’s probably 
sport fishing; if he shows up when he’s supposed to, 
he’s looking for a keeper.
If you never meet his friends, family, co-workers,
or other people who are important to him, he’s sport 

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fishing; if he introduces you to his people, he might 
be looking for a keeper.
If he keeps offering up excuses for why he can’t 
meet your friends and family, he’s sport fishing; if he 
agrees to go to the family barbecue or a social event 
where he will be introduced to family, friends, and 
co-workers, he might consider you a keeper.
If he cringes at the mere mention of children, he’s 
sport fishing; if he’s willing to meet your kids and 
shows up with gifts and can relate to them in a way 
that makes them comfortable with him, then he 
might consider you and your kids keepers.
If he does not have himself together financially, 
emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing; 
if he is capable of providing and protecting his 
potential family the way a real man should, then he 
might be searching for a keeper.
If he lobbies for an “open” relationship and says he’s 
cool with you seeing other people, then he’s sport 
fishing; if he wants your relationship to be exclusive 
and he agrees to date only you, he considers you a 
keeper.

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