50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays

169
19
why  our  collEGE
“Exploring life’s intricacies”
Mathew Griffin
Brown University
BEcAUSE I FINd LIFE’S INTrIcAcY So 
amazing, biology and its re-
lated subjects are the most enjoyable topics for me. Within biology our 
brains interest me the most, which—with their countless neurons and 
chemicals—give us unmatched emotion, uniqueness, and potential. 
Due to the possibilities of understanding emotions and mental prob-
lems from their source, I’d like to develop a great understanding of 
neuroscience, and use it to help people overcome diseases and mental 
barriers as a doctor, allowing them to achieve the highest possible qual-
ity of life.
Brown University would also give me the greatest ability to help 
people. With their deep community involvement and famous neuro-
science department, I would have an outstanding opportunity to help 
people as I develop the utmost understanding of neurology. The open 
curriculum will also bring me more benefits. The ability to study mul-
tiple languages and social sciences will help me interact and exchange 
ideas with fewer limits. Moreover, the curriculum will allow me to be-

---

170
50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays
come an outstanding scientist. The way in which this could help me 
scientifically is best summarized in the words of my biology professor 
at Kent State University: “One of our major inhibiting factors in ad-
dressing more complicated issues of science is that scientists need to 
have a sweeping grasp of multiple disciplines such as psychology, biol-
ogy, convention physics, and quantum physics. And if that wasn’t bad 
enough, you’re going to need amazing writing skills to convey your 
ideas to other people and seem credible.” I don’t necessarily expect 
to achieve full mastery in the four or five years I spend as an under-
graduate, but I believe Brown is where I’ll have the best opportunity 
to advance in these areas. To expand even more, the open curriculum 
would allow me to surround myself with individuals that are just as 
passionate about languages and sciences as I am. With these classmates 
I would love to have great conversations and even participate in re-
search. Attending Brown University will bring me all of these things, 
which will aid me in becoming the best doctor and scientist I can pos-
sibly be.
AnAlysis
Mathew’s short essay directly addresses the proposed question in 
a way that provides plenty of supporting evidence without extraneous 
details. The opening paragraph shows Mathew’s curiosity and knowl-
edge about neuroscience. He describes his higher goal for studying 
neuroscience: “to help people overcome diseases and mental barriers 
as a doctor, allowing them to achieve the highest possible quality of 
life.” This sentence shows that Mathew is not only interested in acquir-
ing knowledge, but applying it as well.
The second paragraph begins with the comment, “Brown University 
would also give me the greatest ability to help people.” It is not clear 
what the “also” refers to in this sentence; a better transition sentence 
might have provided a tighter logical structure. However, the subse-
quent sentence does an excellent job of conveying a specific reason 
and explanation for choosing Brown. “With their deep community in-
volvement and famous neuroscience department, I would have an 
outstanding opportunity to help people as I develop the utmost un-
derstanding of neurology.” To demonstrate greater familiarity with the 
program, Mathew might have included names of particular faculty from 
whom he was interested to learn, or aspects of the famous depart-
ment. Since most Ivy Leagues are high profile, it is usually a good idea 
to cite more than just fame in explaining one’s reasons for applying to 
a school. Mathew’s description of the “open curriculum” is an excellent 

---

171
Chapter 19: Why Our College
example of a more specific aspect of Brown University. Being able to 
use the university’s terminology demonstrates a level of familiarity with 
the school that admissions officers are likely to appreciate.
Mathew quotes his biology professor at Kent State University 
in support of the benefits of the interdisciplinary opportunities that 
Brown’s open curriculum offers. This quote is one of the most com-
pelling aspects of Mathew’s essay. Not only does the quote convey 
a strong opinion, but it also tells us that Mathew is a precocious high 
school student who is already attending classes at the university level, 
and that he has listened carefully to his professor, whose words have 
served a mentoring role. Mathew might have chosen to explain his 
relationship to this professor in greater depth—especially if he knew 
the professor on a personal level—since this would also demonstrate 
that he listens during lectures and also takes the initiative to meet his 
teachers.
Mathew’s hope that the open curriculum would allow him to sur-
round himself with “individuals that are just as passionate about lan-
guages and sciences as [he is]” clearly highlights two aspects of the 
open curriculum he is particularly interested in: languages and sci-
ence. Though his enthusiasm for science is evident from his open-
ing paragraph, he might elaborate on why languages interest him. In 
general, it is best not to introduce major interests or themes at the end 
of essays, since this may leave readers with lingering questions and a 
sense of dissatisfaction that these were not answered.
“leveraging Potential”