It is considered as a factor that is not of much interest

Task 1

The diagram (name it) depicts the employment data of several tourism-related industries in 2009 and 2019. (should include a time period)

Overall, it is clearly seen that figures for all categories tended to increase considerably except for the culture sector that goes down. While hotel industry took the first rank in total empoyment in 2009, it was replaced by the food industry ten years later.
Firstly, food and sports are the most concerned factors which are still trendy for all the time. In 2009, sports and cuisine are in the 2^nd and 3^rd place respectively in the chart. Nevertheless, this sequence has swapped in 2019; food significantly rises up to 357 thousand employees and it becomes a highest ratio, while sports reaches below than 350 thousand employees in a second place.
Moving on, we can easily see that the first rank in 2009 gradually rises and takes the third place in 2019. Similar to the hospitability industry, the number of employees of the tourism industry doubled in 2019 to 100 thousand employees. In contrast, only the culture sector is the one which decreases from 82,8 thousand people to 77,4 thousand employees so that it is considered as a factor that is not of much interest.
Comments:

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  never include your own opinion
  
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  pay attention to the verb tense (almost always past tense if the times were in the past)
  
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  use words more correctly (ratio, trendy, etc)
  
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  avoid using first-person pronouns
  

Task 2
It is a common belief that the best approach to stop traffic and environmental problems from getting worse is to raise the price of gasoline. However, I strongly disagree with the opinion because the approach does not have effective side in dealing with the traffic issues. This essay will give some points to prove my view and discuss some other appropriate measuresformulas.
there are still some beliefs that raising the price of gasoline will cause consumers to use it less, which will lessen rising traffic congestion and pollution. (two sentences are not related) Beside that, this case can pose threat to the transportation that the people do not have any alternative choices. They still go on with using motorcycles which are stable, convenient and standard. Hence, it will not make much of a difference in terms of reducing pollution and traffic problems. Based on the people’s daily basis, going out for hours will still remain a fact that it is still the same situation regardless the gasoline price increases or not. (unclearly expressed)
On the other hand, the greatest method to encourage people to use trains and buses (method to reduce traffic and environmental problems in general, NOT the method to encourage people to use trains and buses) is to improve public transportation, which is a potential solution to take into account. In some developed countries, the government can minimize the number of vehicles on the roads by investing in public transport. Coupled with this, there will be less harmful emissions in the air if more alternative energy sources, such water or sustainable ones, like wind and solar electricity, are used to power automobiles. This significantly reduces air pollution.
To sum up, as traffic congestion and pollution continue to worsen, raising the price of gasoline is not the best solution for reducing the amount of this energy that is consumed. The renewable source of energy (not mentioned previously) in public transport system which can considerably bring down traffic and pollution problems so that this solution for traffic problems can be a long-standing and appropriate way for now and in the future.
Comments:

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  Good solutions in body para 2, however, without a clear topic sentence
  
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  Answer each question in the topic by using a clear topic sentence in each body paragraphs
  
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  Pay attention to the misuse of synonyms