Step 3: Regain Your Sense of Humor
When you lose your sense
of humor in a relationship, it’s usually
around the time that you become “sprung.” This means, you’ve
become consumed with your partner’s “every move.” And chances
are, you’re often
easily upset by what you
aren’t
getting in the
relationship.
A sense of humor is a sexy quality. Men may not come out and
say it, but they notice when you lose that “edge.” In the beginning,
you probably bantered with him more and had a quick wit. When
the mental challenge goes, so does the sense of humor.
A very effective way to put a man in his place or to keep him in
check is with humor. You can let him know in a fun,
playful way
that your security as a woman doesn’t
depend on him.
A sense of humor is more than just finding something funny to
say; it’s about a person’s composure. It lets people know you are
comfortable in your skin. It lets him know you aren’t sprung. The
goal is not to become a knee-slapping standup comic; that’s not
effective because it makes it seem like you’re trying too hard.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #93
Once you start laughing, you start healing.
It’s sexy to be able to banter because humor suggests you’re an
independent thinker. Not only can you think for yourself, but you
can laugh at what you see happening around you. If you verbally
play-fight with him a little, it’s unlikely that he will perceive you as
needy.
When he teases you, it’s as if he is asking you, “Still got that
edge?” Your sense of humor answers him and lets him know that he
isn’t always going to call the shots.
Here’s a case in point. A girlfriend of mine went on a couple of
dates with a guy who criticized the color of her nail polish. She said,
“The suggestion department is closed for the evening. But fax your
idea tomorrow and we’ll file it right
over there in the suggestion
box.” (Then she pointed to the kitchen trash.) These two are still
together and he is absolutely crazy about her. To this day, she
wears the same nail polish color.
Humor not only defuses a situation, it also makes you come out
smelling like a rose. Tom Hanks exemplified this in an interview with
Barbara Walters. Paraphrasing what she said, “I don’t mean to hurt
your
feelings, Tom, but you aren’t considered a sex symbol.” He
said, “Yeah, but I embrace that. And I think that makes me kinda
sexy.” He could have chosen to become defensive. Instead he was
disarming.
If you don’t become defensive and you laugh things off from time
to time, he’ll respect you more. This is when you show whether you
believe in yourself. For example, he may make fun of the way you
parked your car. This kind of joking makes him feel manly. A
relaxed aura from a woman who can laugh at herself turns him on
because he thinks she’ll be entertaining and fun.
It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a potato sack. A feisty quality
will do it for him more than a black nightie on a woman who
behaves as though she is desperate for approval. (Yes, even if
you’re wearing the thigh highs that
cut off your circulation and
practically cause you to lose a limb.)
Successful politicians are coached on how to use humor to win
people over and show confidence. When Ronald Reagan ran for
president, he was asked in a debate about the detriment of being
the oldest candidate to ever run for the highest office. His response
was “I refuse to exploit
for my political gain the
youth and
inexperience
of my opponent.”
In a relationship with a man, whenever you want to keep him on
his toes, banter with him. If he says something a little out of line, just
say, “We’ll let that one slide.” Or, “Why do I put up with this?” Or
ask him if he wants one broken leg or two . . .
One woman I know named Darla dated a man who made a
complete mess every time he came over. They also had a good sex
life. He made a pass at Darla and she play-fully snubbed him. Then
she walked over to the sink and started doing all his dishes. She
said jokingly, “The more time I spend doing dishes, the less time we
spend doing ‘the deed’.” Suddenly,
the happy helper started
pitching in.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #94
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