Men are possessive. He likes knowing that other men cannot easily
get to where he is trying to go. Like he’s
Captain Kirk and
Christopher Columbus all wrapped up in one, he wants to explore
new terrain not trampled on by too many men before him. And he
judges whether you make “the rounds” by one thing and one thing
only: how quickly you give it up to him.
It is true that there are those rare “chance” liaisons between two
people who are generally not promiscuous, and it ends up working
out well. But this is the exception, not the rule.
One of my closest girlfriends, Brittany,
is a pharmacist and a
beautiful “worthwhile” woman with a lot going for her. Almost
always, she sleeps with a man on the first couple of dates.
Recently she slept with a guy she really liked. Right after they had
sex, he appeared to be in his own thoughts. Then he looked at her
and asked, “Do you do this with all the guys?” She recalled how it
made her feel: “I was
mildly
insulted!”
If you have sex immediately with a man, he’ll say to himself, for a
short while, “She just couldn’t resist me!” But then he’ll
begin to
scratch his head and wonder how many
other
men you also
couldn’t resist.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #23
Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and
a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it
reverses. The man is thinking clearly
and the woman isn’t.
When sex happens at lightning speed, the man has achieved what
he wanted. The reason he thinks more clearly after sex is that he’s
relieved and has already attained his goal. Meanwhile, the woman is
just starting to pursue her goal. She has unfinished business. Then
she chases
him . . .
and he runs.
Like it or not, in the beginning you’re subtly negotiating the terms
of your relationship. And if you strike a deal too soon, you give up
all your bargaining power. The bitch
takes her time deciding
whether the man is someone she wants to strike a deal with in the
first place. And she won’t be a pit stop or a notch on a belt.
At first, he wants to sleep with you. He doesn’t care what you do
for a living. He doesn’t care what kind of car you drive. He doesn’t
care that you like a doughnut and coffee in the morning with Equal
and nonfat milk. So you have to
turn it into
something else.
When you make him wait, he begins
to notice that you are
“different.” And that’s when he begins to care that you like nonfat
milk, not cream, in your coffee.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #24
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