Why Men Love Bitches

"Show" Is Better Than "Tell"
If you’ve been nagging and you want to get his attention, try
something new on for size. Don’t show your feelings for a little
while. And don’t explain why, Don’t tell him that you’ve had an
epiphany. Don’t say this is the “new me.” Don’t exaggerate the
change. “Feelings? What feelings?” Show—rather than tell—him
that you aren’t spilling your guts anymore.
Pop psychologists would suggest that you shouldn’t withhold
how you feel. They tell you to “express yourself.” Begin every
sentence with “I feel . . .” Ask for feedback. Then sit in a circle,
hold hands, and pass around the Kleenex. Promise never to do it
again and live happily ever after. Then pay the therapist $175. It’s a
wonderful theoretical ideal. It feels warm and fuzzy just thinking
about “expressing those feelings.” And I’m sure on rare occasions it
even works (because after spending $20,000 total on a therapist,
you can’t bear to think that it hasn’t). But don’t kid yourself. No
man changes because of couples therapy. Men think of therapy as a
form of black-mail—coercion with a ransom. The only reason they
straighten up is to keep from going broke. Half a session will usually
do the trick. “Okay. I’m all better. Can we stop the clock now?”
Expressing yourself when he takes you for granted doesn’t work.
You have to show him with actions. Expressing your feelings

---

constantly is like pleading. It comes across as needy rather than
dignified. But backing away when he crosses the line? 
Plenty
dignified.
When he is intrigued because the cards aren’t out on the table, he
is forced to see you differently. It isn’t the love he had for his
mother. Or his sister. Or his grandma. Now you have his attention
because he is no longer in the “safety zone” that enables him to have
his cake and eat it, too.
This isn’t being mean. Men are turned on by it. Think about the
average run-of-the-mill male fantasy he had growing up: It’s always
a woman who has power over him. There’s the teacher he had in
the eighth grade, the nurse at the doctor’s office, the babysitter who
gave him a few extra cookies, the policewoman with the handcuffs.
All of these women, in their own feminine ways, have power over
him and leave him at a disadvantage and 
he likes it.
When you tell a man how you feel, most of the time he doesn’t
understand what you’re talking about. You’ll probably just confuse
and frustrate him. If you take a look at Attraction Principle #62,
you’ll see what he 
does
understand.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #62