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THE COSTS OF TOO MUCH SELF-CONTROL
The willpower instinct is a wonderful thing: Thanks to the brain’s hard work and the cooperation of
your body, your choices can be driven by long-term goals, not panic or the need for instant
gratification. But self-control doesn’t come cheap. All of these mental tasks—focusing your attention,
weighing competing goals, and quieting stress and cravings—require energy, real physical energy
from your body, in the same way that your muscles require energy to fight or flee in an emergency.
Everyone knows that too much stress is bad for your health. When you are chronically stressed,
your body continues to divert energy from long-term needs such as digestion, reproduction, healing
injuries, and fighting off illnesses to respond to the constant stream of apparent emergencies. This is
how chronic stress can lead to cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic back pain, infertility, or
getting every cold and flu that come around. That you never actually have to fight or flee these
ordinary stresses (good luck trying to outrun or mortally wound your credit card debt) is beside the
point. So long as your brain keeps identifying an external threat, your mind and body will be thrown
into a state of high alert and impulsive action.
Because self-control also demands high levels of energy, some scientists speculate that chronic
self-control—like chronic stress—can increase your chances of getting sick by diverting resources
from the immune system. You heard it here first: Too much willpower can actually be bad for your
health. You may be thinking: What about all that stuff in the first chapter about how important
willpower is for health? Now you’re telling me self-control is going to make me sick? Well, maybe.
Just like some stress is necessary for a happy and productive life, some self-control is needed. But
just like living under chronic stress is unhealthy, trying to control every aspect of your thoughts,
emotions, and behavior is a toxic strategy. It is too big a burden for your biology.
Self-control, like the stress response, evolved as a nifty strategy for responding to specific
challenges. But just as with stress, we run into trouble when self-control becomes chronic and
unrelenting. We need time to recover from the exertion of self-control, and we sometimes need to
spend our mental and physical resources elsewhere. To preserve both your health and happiness, you
need to give up the pursuit of willpower perfection. Even as you strengthen your self-control, you
cannot control everything you think, feel, say, and do. You will have to choose your willpower battles
wisely.
WILLPOWER EXPERIMENT: RELAX TO RESTORE YOUR
WILLPOWER RESERVE
One of the best ways to recover from stress
and
the daily self-control demands of your life is
relaxation. Relaxing—even for just a few minutes—increases heart rate variability by activating
the parasympathetic nervous system and quieting the sympathetic nervous system. It also shifts
the body into a state of repair and healing, enhancing your immune function and lowering stress
hormones. Studies show that taking time for relaxation every day can protect your health while
also increasing your willpower reserve. For example, people who regularly practiced relaxation
had a healthier physiological response to two stressful willpower challenges: a test of mental
focus, and a test of pain endurance (keeping one foot immersed in a pan of 39°F water—readers,
please do not try this at home). Athletes who relax through deep breathing and physical rest
recover more quickly from a grueling training session, reducing stress hormones and oxidative
damage to their bodies.
We’re not talking about zoning out with television or “relaxing” with a glass of wine and a
huge meal. The kind of relaxation that boosts willpower is true physical and mental rest that
triggers what Harvard Medical School cardiologist Herbert Benson calls the
physiological
relaxation response
. Your heart rate and breathing slow down, your blood pressure drops, and
your muscles release held tension. Your brain takes a break from planning the future or analyzing
the past.
To trigger this relaxation response, lie down on your back, and slightly elevate your legs with
a pillow under the knees (or come into whatever is the most comfortable position for you to rest
in). Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing your belly to rise and fall. If you feel
any tension in your body, you can intentionally squeeze or contract that muscle, then let go of the
effort. For example, if you notice tension in your hands and fingers, squeeze your hands into fists,
then relax them into open hands. If you notice tension in your forehead or jaw, scrunch up your
eyes and face, then stretch your mouth wide open before relaxing the face completely. Stay here
for five to ten minutes, enjoying the fact that there is nothing to do but breathe. If you’re worried
about falling asleep, set an alarm.
Make this a daily practice, especially when you’re dealing with high levels of stress or
willpower demands. Relaxation will help your body recover from the physiological effects of
chronic stress or heroic self-control.
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