The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

ASSERTIVENESS VERSUS
AGGRESSIVENESS
I
t’s important that we distinguish between being assertive
and being aggressive. They’re often confused as being
similar. But they’re entirely different behaviors.
Healthy assertiveness is respectful. As we noted in the
previous section, being assertive is nothing more than
confidently communicating your position.
Aggressiveness is belligerent. An aggressive individual
communicates in a way that’s rude, dismissive, and even
threatening.
Here are a few examples of each behavior in various
situations.
E
XPRESSING DISAGREEMENT:
Assertiveness: Listening to the other person, and then
sharing a dissenting opinion after the other person has
finished speaking.
Aggressiveness: Interrupting the other person and
speaking over him or her.
S
HARING IDEAS IN A GROUP SETTING:
Assertiveness: Participating in the group dialogue.
Allowing others to share their ideas, and expressing
thoughts on those ideas in a respectful manner.

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Aggressiveness: Trying to dominate the group
dialogue. Speaking over others, and tearing their ideas
down without consideration for their feelings.
S
EEKING SILENCE IN A MOVIE THEATER:
Assertiveness: Asking the offender to lower his or her
voice so you can enjoy the movie.
Aggressiveness: Demanding the offender to lower his
or her voice, and even threatening violence for
noncompliance.
S
EEKING
recourse for an improperly-prepared drink at
Starbucks:
Assertiveness: Explaining the problem (e.g. too much
chocolate syrup in an iced mocha) to the barista, and asking
him or her to remake the drink while maintaining eye
contact.
Aggressiveness: Berating the barista for the mistake,
and demanding that the drink be remade while glaring at
him or her.
S
AYING
no when someone asks for help: