The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

WE DESIRE TO HELP OTHERS
T
hink back to the last time you helped someone. I’ll bet it
felt good. Your actions or advice improved that person’s day,
which was probably a fantastic feeling.
That’s why many of us love to help people. Knowing that
we’ve contributed to someone else’s happiness is its own
heady reward. In fact, it can be addictive. Some of us look
for ways to help others, even if doing so means ignoring our
own needs and responsibilities.
We become caregivers in search of people to care for.
When we’re asked for help, we jump at the opportunity.
For many of us, the desire to help stems from an
inclination to show others we love them. For example, we
help family members or close friends because doing so is
the simplest way to show them they matter to us.
For others, the desire to help springs from an impulse to
play the role of a “white knight,” swooping in to save the
day. For example, we stop to help a stranded motorist
change his or her flat tire.
For still others, helping someone is a way to
compensate for a perceived deficit. The gratitude we
receive allows us to forget about traits we dislike about
ourselves.
These motivations are understandable. But left
unchecked, they can cause us to repeatedly ignore our own
needs and priorities.

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To be sure, helping others is honorable. But your
resources are limited. You only have so much time, money,
and attention at your disposal. It’s important to be prudent
in how you use these resources.
There will always be someone who could benefit from
your attention. There will always be people who will gladly
accept your help if you offer it. But keep in mind, you’re not
responsible for solving other people’s problems. You’re
responsible for yourself and those who depend on you (e.g.
your immediate family).
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help people. Rather,
the best way to help people over the long run is to ensure
your needs are met first.
In other words, make sure that self-care has a higher
priority than giving care.

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