The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

BONUS STRATEGY #2: BE
COURTEOUS
I
t’s difficult to remain polite when a requestor becomes
rude and demanding. It’s tempting to respond in kind, if
only to show him or her that you’re not a pushover. It’s
tough to suppress that impulse.
But it’s also crucial if you want to manage how others
perceive you. Respond in an uncivil manner, and you might
hurt your career or harm the relationships you share with
others.
For example, suppose you respond impolitely to a
coworker who has asked you for your help. He or she might
consider you unprofessional and share that perspective with
others in your office.
Suppose a family member invites you to a party, and
you decline with a snide remark. At the very least, his or her
feelings are likely to be hurt. You can also assume he or she
will share your response (with embellishments) to other
family members.
Let’s say a friend asks you to help him move. You dislike
such requests because they make you feel taken for
granted. You respond in frustration, turning down your friend
in a rude, disrespectful way. Doing so is sure to impact your
friendship (at least, until you apologize).
You can be assertive and courteous at the same time.
The former informs the requestor that you’re confident in

---

your decisions. The latter shows him or her respect, which
lessens the likelihood of a hostile response.
Additionally, being courteous shows that you’re in
control of yourself. You’re not prone to enraged outbursts.
Instead, you maintain a businesslike professionalism that’s
difficult to fault. For example, you might say:
Thanks for asking me to help. I
appreciate your confidence in
me. The thing is, I’m swamped
until 4:30 p.m. Can you follow
up with me then?”
This approach reduces tension, and thereby quashes the
likelihood of a bitter reaction. By expressing your
appreciation, you’re showing grace. By asking the requestor
to follow up with you at a later time, one during which
you’re available, you’re showing him or her a willingness to
help, if only on your terms.
When you say no to someone, courtesy and
assertiveness work hand in hand. You’ll find that being
courteous will encourage people to perceive you as
respectful, compassionate, and attentive. These traits, in
turn, will encourage them to accept your “no” at face value.

---