Start with why

Doing Business Is Like Dating
I’d like to introduce you to our imaginary friend Brad. Brad is going on a date
tonight. It’s a first date and he’s pretty excited. He thinks the woman he’s about
to meet is really beautiful and that she makes a great prospect. Brad sits down
for dinner and he starts talking.
“I am extremely rich.”
“I have a big house and I drive a beautiful car.”
“I know lots of famous people.”
“I’m on TV all the time, which is good because I’m good-looking.”
“I’ve actually done pretty well for myself.”
The question is, does Brad get a second date?
The way we communicate and the way we behave is all a matter of biology.
That means we can make some comparisons between the things we do in our
social lives and the things we do in our professional lives. After all, people are
people. To learn how to apply WHY to a business situation, you needn’t look
much farther than how we act on a date. Because, in reality, there is no
difference between sales and dating. In both circumstances, you sit across a table
from someone and hope to say enough of the right things to close the deal. Of
course, you could always opt for a manipulation or two, a fancy dinner, dropping
hints of tickets that you have or whom you know. Depending on how badly you
want to close the deal, you could tell them anything they want to hear. Promise
them the world and the odds are good that you will close the deal. Once. Maybe
twice. With time, however, maintaining that relationship will cost more and
more. No matter the manipulations you choose, this is not the way to build a
trusting relationship.
In Brad’s case, it is obvious that the date did not go well. The odds are not
good that he will get a second date, and he’s certainly not done a good job of
laying down the foundation to build a relationship. Ironically, the woman’s
initial interest may have been generated based on those elements. She agreed to
go on the date because her friends told her that Brad was good-looking and that
he had a good job and that he knew a lot of famous people. Even though all
those things may be true, WHATs don’t drive decision-making, WHATs should
be used as proof of WHY, and the date plainly fell flat.
Let’s send Brad out again, but this time he’s going to start with WHY.

---

“You know what I love about my life?” he starts this time. “I get to wake up
every day to do something I love. I get to inspire people to do the things that
inspire them. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world. In fact, the best part is
trying to figure out all the different ways I can do that. It really is amazing. And
believe it or not, I’ve actually been able to make a lot of money from it. I bought
a big house and a nice car. I get to meet lots of famous people and I get to be on
TV all the time, which is fun, because I’m good-looking. I’m very lucky that I’m
doing something that I love, I’ve actually been able to do pretty well because of
it.”
This time the chances Brad will get a second date, assuming that whoever is
sitting across from him believes what he believes, went up exponentially. More
importantly, he’s also laying a good foundation for a relationship, one based on
values and beliefs. He said all the same things as on the first date; the only
difference is he started with WHY, and all the WHATs, all the tangible benefits,
served as proof of that WHY.
Now consider how most companies do business. Someone sits down across a
table from you, they’ve heard you’re a good prospect, and they start talking.
“Our company is extremely successful.”
“We have beautiful offices, you should stop by and check them out sometime.”
“We do business with all the biggest companies and brands.”
“I’m sure you’ve seen our advertising.”
“We’re actually doing pretty well.”
In business, like a bad date, many companies work so hard to prove their
value without saying WHY they exist in the first place. You’ll have to do more
than show your résumé before someone finds you appealing, however. But that
is exactly what companies do. They provide you with a long list of their
experience—WHAT they’ve done, whom they know—all with the idea that you
will find them so desirable that you will have to drop everything to do business
with them.
People are people and the biology of decision-making is the same no matter
whether it is a personal decision or a business decision. It’s obvious that in the
dating scenario it was a bad date, so why would we expect it to be any different
in the business scenario?
Like on a date, it is exceedingly difficult to start building a trusting
relationship with a potential customer or client by trying to convince them of all
the rational features and benefits. Those things are important, but they serve only
to give credibility to a sales pitch and allow buyers to rationalize their purchase
decision. As with all decisions, people don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY

---

you do it, and WHAT you do serves as the tangible proof of WHY you do it. But
unless you start with WHY, all people have to go on are the rational benefits.
And chances are you won’t get a second date.
Here’s the alternative:
“You know what I love about our company? Every single one of us comes to
work every day to do something we love. We get to inspire people to do the
things that inspire them. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world. In fact, the
fun part is trying to figure out all the different ways we can do that. It really is
amazing. The best part is, it is also good for business. We do really well. We
have beautiful offices, you should stop by sometime to see. We work with some
of the biggest companies. I’m sure you’ve seen our ads. We’re actually doing
pretty well.”
Now, how certain are you that the second pitch was better than the first?

---