Scatter Brained

09
 Tat too Timeline
3300 BCE:
 Ötzi the Iceman dies in the Austrian Alps, where 
his frozen body is discovered by hikers in 1991 CE, making 
him the world’s oldest mummy. His 57 tattoos—straight 
lines and small crosses, mostly—are believed to be therapeu-
tic, possibly used to treat osteoarthritis. Hey, if you were 
5,291 years old, you’d be a little stiff , too.
2800 BCE:
  Th
  e ancient Egyptians: Is there anything they 
can’t do? In addition to inventing writing, surgery, and bee-
keeping, they also popularize tattooing as an art form, which 
spreads from Greece to China. (Oh, yeah—they invented the 
fl ushable toilet, too.)
921 CE:
 Islamic scholar Ibn Fadlan meets Vikings on a jour-
ney from Baghdad to Scandinavia and describes them as vul-
gar, dirty, and covered from neck to toe with tattoos. 
Awww . . . isn’t that Swede?
1600:
 Unlawful intercourse by Indian priests is punished by 
tattooing. Doesn’t sound so bad? Try having a big vagina 
branded on your forehead for life. (Makes you wonder what 
Hester was complaining about in 
Th
 e Scarlet Letter.
)
1700:
 Obeying the letter of the law—if not the spirit—
 middle-class  Japanese  adorn  themselves  in  full-body  tat-
toos  when  a  law  is  passed  that  only  royals  can  wear  ornate 
 clothing.
aggregate computing time, 
earning SETI@Home a place 
in the 
Guinness Book of World 
Records
 as the largest compu-
tation in history. (Extraterrestri-
als found: zero.)